sjcoray's Journal, 07 May 2012

I haven't been as active on this site in the past week and I can tell. Recording on this site, responding to journal entries and writing my own help me stay focused on my goals. I know this. I just have to remind myself of it from time to time.
Although. There's a guy. A server at a restaurant I go to a fair amount. I've always found him attractive, but have always considered him too pretty for me. I assume (my prejudice until I confirm it from him and I have not) that he likes skinny bitches (sorry to all you non-bitchy skinny people out there). But my most recent dining experience has me less convinced that he'd never be interested in me. I don't know if this will be good because potentially I'll work harder at getting to my goals (fitness and weight) with a little...incentive. Or if I'm just opening myself up to a fall.
Falling. Short or otherwise, is always something I've avoided. I think I've hoped that it would be easier if I lost weight, but I think that's false.
Bleh. Whatever. Had a great workout weekend. Decent swim Sat morning, good run yesterday, 3.5 miles, and another pretty good swim this morning. 10k is May 28. I'm not sure I'll be able to up my endurance enough this month to run the whole thing, but I'm still really happy with where I am. Just another 2.5ish miles to add on (yeesh).

Diet Calendar Entry for 07 May 2012:
1715 kcal Fat: 63.74g | Prot: 101.46g | Carb: 184.28g.   Breakfast: Luna Bar - Peanut Honey Pretzel Bar, Granny Smith Apple (Medium), Chocolate Milk (Reduced Fat). Lunch: Chicken Fajita Bowl - Brown Rice, Mild Salsa, Sour Cream, Cheese. Dinner: Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich. Snacks/Other: m&M. more...
on diet sjcoray's own diet  


sj ... your self talk is not helping you ... you are kicking ass ... no matter now or months from now ... we can never fail if we don't try ... but we can never get what we want without trying either ... you gotta put yourself out there ... and believe. good workout this past weekend. running and swimming ... add biking and you are ready for a triathlon. keep moving forward! 
07 May 12 by member: br_e_co
Bre - I know I need to be more confident in myself. I see comments like, "would you allow someone else to talk to you that way" - the answer for that is maybe, but I sure don't let my friends talk about themselves the same way I do. It's not really hypocritical, it's just hard sometimes to practice what I preach :). One of the things I struggle with is, when is it negative self talk, and when is it being realistic? ...Physically I believe I can achieve the goals I set for myself. Run a 10k? You bet your sweet ass I will. May not happen at the end of this month, but by the end of this summer? That's a pretty reasonable goal (as long as I stick with it, and I am and will). But my working out is completely and totally dependent on me and on nobody else. When it comes to interactions, with guys, with work, friends, whoever, I don't exist in a void and as much as I will the world to work the way I want it to, that other person is still autonomous and will be making their own decisions. I know that confidence is a very attractive trait. It's probably one of the things I'm the most attracted to. I tend to save most of my self-doubt for journals and conversations with my friends. Though I'm sure it comes through some in my actions. Like. Wavering on what actions (if any) I should take towards this guy. As pretty as this guy is, I really wasn't attracted to him until we sat and chatted this weekend because it was then that I learned more about him and what I learned I liked. I'd like to think it went the same way for him, but I can't know unless I put myself out there, and my experience tells me not to bother.  
07 May 12 by member: sjcoray
past performance is not an indicator of future returns .... nothing exists besides what / who you are now ... you never know, girl ... you are very articulate, witty, i am certain you are charming and full of fun ... you just never know. but ... i get it ... we are our own worst enemies in cases like this ... i root for you ... and hope you get/find what you want ... just *tweak* the self talk ... expect more ... you'll get it. 
07 May 12 by member: br_e_co
:) Those who do not learn from their past are doomed to repeat it. I need to buy some dry erase markers! I had an idea some time ago to write positive notes to myself on the bathroom mirror (or any mirror really) - I really should put it into practice. It's bound to help some. Thanks for your good thoughts :D 
07 May 12 by member: sjcoray


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