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K so today was such an emotional day for me, I guess I have never taken a deep look into the person I was 3 years ago. There has been different discussing on fatsecret that brought up allot of memories and emotions today.
I hate to look back at old picture off me at 302 pounds, I was always in denial of my weight and never thought I was "fat" until I look back at pictures and cannot believe I was that huge, why didn't more people tell me I need to lose weight sooner :-) they did I just didn't want to listen to them...
But I am realizing it is so IMPORTANT to face those old fears instead of being in denial that I ever was that big, it is part of the growing and learning process.
I am not afraid to admit anymore that I was 302 pounds, b/c I have taken action and am not embarressed. But when I look at old photos I realized how much I use to hurt inside and that is just very emotional for me.
So please if there is people reading this who feel discouraged please don't........ if I could give you all a big hug and say it will be ok I would do that...there is always hope and a light at the end of the tunnel. Am I there yet??? NO I still have a long way to go, but there is hope and it bring's tears to my eyes, b/c I am so much happier than I use to be.
Sorry for all my ranting but it really helps to write all my thoughts down.
And thankyou everyone who encourages me every day, it means so much to me to realize that I am not alone in this journey.
Diet Calendar Entries for 11 March 2010:
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1061 kcal
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Fat: 33.03g | Prot: 42.40g | Carb: 154.49g.
Breakfast: salami, mango. Lunch: corn tortilla chips, mango salsa. Dinner: dannon yogurt. Snacks/Other: apple pie, hot chocolate, peanut butter, sushi. more...
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2830 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Bicycling (fast) - 15/mph - 20 minutes, Exercise machine (moderate) - 1 hour, Resting - 14 hours and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
I'm right there with you :) I lost the weight before and gained it back... because I never accepted that I was ever that fat. It's like I denied it ever happened, and thus forgot about it and that's one reason I think I gained the weight back. Thinking about this today, I realized that in a way, I'm thankful I was 287 pounds because it made me learn a lot of things. It made me very grateful for a healthier body in a way someone who has never been heavy can't ever understand. It's easy to take for granted something that has always been there. I get it now. I'm still me, fat or thin. But I always thought I was unhappy because I was fat. Everything changed when I realized I was fat because I was unhappy :) You're doing awesome!
11 Mar 10 by member: k8yk
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Thanks for sharing. I couldn't agree more that journaling on here is a huge help. You have come a long way and you are doing an awesome job!!
12 Mar 10 by member: lheeney
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ky8k, your one statement "I realized I was fat because I was unhappy" that really is so true. I know I gained weight because I never dealt with my emotional problems, so I just turned to food and ate and ate. But if we deal with our emotional problems, losing the weight becomes so much easier, well that was the case for me.
12 Mar 10 by member: Lydia Kleyn
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Its so good to hear that Im not alone in my thoughts and feelings. I had the reality check on how fat I was/am. It's hard, but I still havent addressed the issues that made me comfort eat. And I didnt realize i was fat either...until I realized how unhappy I was. Food doesnt make me happy, I was/am deluded to think that 3slices of pizza or a bag of cookies would make me happy. I wasnt happy at all. Im still at the beginning of my journey and still trying to shed a life time of bad habits and a clear unhealthy relationship with food.
Thanks guys! And journals really do help :)
12 Mar 10 by member: xklingx
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