MusicBox's Journal, 20 April 2012

It is really difficult to come to terms with the fact that I am fat. I haven't been fat for years! And now, no matter how much resolve I think I have, I always end up eating too much and making myself feel bad; it's a vicious cycle. So, I have been refusing to record my weight here because it appalls me. I don't want to have to type that number. It's so dumb; not acknowledging it doesn't make it untrue. I am indeed fat. And I know that my body is trying to recover from a couple years of birth control hormones but I can't deal anymore. I started exercising this week. I know it's only been a few days but I was really counting on the encouragement that comes from seeing results early. Instead, I have put on weight this week!! How is that possible? I haven't been dancing at all the last few months and I guess it's not only making me fat, it's making me sad, I miss it SO much!
This year is flying by and I don't want to look back on it and see a blob. This is normally where I start to plan unrealistic goals and strategies for immediate and drastic weight loss but this time it seems futile. (Man I'm a downer today...) It's going to be a busy day so all I will commit to is to drink as much water as possible. Tomorrow we're going to a wedding so I will need to watch the calories carefully! Also, it would be good to get more fruit and veggies sometime today??? Not sure if that will happen.
Oh my goodness! I just weighed in :( yuck!
137.3 lb Lost so far: 0 lb.    Still to go: 18.3 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entries for 20 April 2012:
1205 kcal Fat: 47.43g | Prot: 38.59g | Carb: 159.37g.   Breakfast: mayonnaise, rye bread, Coffee with Milk and Sugar, bacon back. Lunch: Potato Salad Side Dish, Lamb Chop (Lean Only Eaten), Pork and Beef Sausage. Dinner: Peach Juice, Mayonnaise, Cream Cheese, Oil Popped White Popcorn, Toasted Rye Bread, Coffee with Milk and Sugar, Fruit Jelly Beans. Snacks/Other: Soft Granola Bars. more...
2508 kcal Activities & Exercise: Driving - 30 minutes, Housework - 4 hours, Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 1 hour and 35 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 55 minutes, Desk Work - 5 hours. more...
on diet MusicBox's own diet  

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Comments 
Hey, don't give up! Especially when you love dancing so much. Looking at your diary, you've had some really good days and some not so good. Maybe logging more could help you track the good days, and work out how to do that more often? 
20 Apr 12 by member: pumpkinbelly
Hey, that journal entry seems like a million years ago... It's been a hectic week and I've been on a roller coaster with the scale. Thanks for the encouragement :) I will take your advice and try be more consistent. I guess, as much as I don't want to admit it; I am an emotional eater and if I can see that reflected in the diet calendar maybe I do something about it. Hope you're doing well??? 
27 Apr 12 by member: MusicBox

     
 

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