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So I heard back from the agency on Monday, it was not good news. The fertility clinic has rejected me due to past bouts of PPD. I was upfront about this all with the agency when I first applied and I’m frustrated that they told me it wouldn’t be a problem. But mostly I’m just sad. I haven’t been handling it well. I’ve applied to a different agency, again, being totally upfront so we’ll see. I don’t have high hopes, but I just need to really make sure this opportunity is off the table so I can move on.
I’ve taken a break from my extreme diet and step goals. It’s so weird though, I had thought I’d completely binge on all the food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat the past 6 months, and I did a little. But afterwards I find myself feeling really guilty and making up for it the next day. As hard and frustrating as it’s been, I really like how my body looks now, and I’d like to keep losing. But I really hated having so many restrictions, it made me into a really cranky person. I think finding a happy medium is going to be hard.
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