HerStrawberri's Journal, 24 October 2011

I had the BEST NSV this past weekend. We were at the mall getting new glasses and I decided to go to into Lane Bryant and try on some jeans. Now, I haven't tried on jeans for prob about 2 years. All of the jeans I had prev to my weight loss didn't fit and they were 24s. So I'm guessing i was prob a 26. WELL, I saw these really cute jeans and wanted to try them on. My GF asks me what size and I say a 22, because the 24s I had on were basically falling off of me. She said those would be to big and I should go down to a 20....I said a 22. well she grabbed what i THOUGHT was a 22 and i went and tried them on. WELL, I put them on and they fit. I was looking at myself in the mirror, YES I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING INTO THOSE HORRID MIRRORS, and i was all.....wow...i can wear a 22. WELL, I asked my GF to come in and look at them and she starts smiling and says, Do you know what size those are? and I say, a 22. AND she said NO and showed me the tag. THEY WERE A FREAKING 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!! I was so happy I honestly had tears in my eyes. I haven't been able to get into 20s for prob at least 2 or 3 years. THAT was a moment i will NEVER forget. EVER.

i was on cloud nine the rest of the day. It felt so good. I'm so critical of myself sometimes so it's hard for me to SEE the weightloss. When we were at the eye Drs, i was looking at myself in the full length mirrors, and was thinking I still had a long way to go because i still looked so FAT. I know I shouldn't sat things like that to myself, but I do. I'm way better then I was though.

I'm now at 290. I honestly can't believe I have lost 85 lbs. It really is shocking to me some days. I'm also really feeling like I'm finally getting a grasp on my depression and anxiety. I still have my bad days, but they honestly are far and few between. I don't 'hide' in my room as much and I WANT to go OUTSIDE. I want to go into gas stations or run in for errands, where 6 months ago...if I got out of the truck for anything it was a freaking miracle. I really believe in myself now. I really BELIEVE that I'm WORTH this.

To look at where I was 6 months ago and where I am now. I'm like a totally different person. The weight loss was just a small part of it. I had to confront so many scary things that i just wanted to ignore. i had to confront my anxiety head on. I had to confront ME. The only person that holds you back from being the wonderful peron you are destined to be IS YOU. I have the power to make myself happy or to contimue to make myself sad. and I freaking choose HAPPY.