Kingcole35's Journal, 03 August 2011

Again it's been a very long time since I've written here (more on that later), and I guess that's ok. Life goes on and all. Things are going well with me, had a pretty big wake up call last week. My Girlfriend gave me an emotional kick in the ass. I deserved it I was making excuses and feeling sorry for myself and she wasn't used to that from me and because it was through text I'm not sure of the tone but It came off harsh and harsh is what I needed. Tough love is at times the best love... you don't always need a pat on the back. You need to wake up early morning after dream land. She gave me the wake up call I needed, It got me on track and has me pushing myself harder then I have ever pushed this entire time. HIIT on Hills... ouch.

As for me not being around well this section might come of a bit grumpy but I have gotten some emails asking me if I am ok and well to save time here goes, I guess I tried to convince myself I was busy and I was this and that but honestly, I'm not. I mean I am working on a story got hired to write another article for a Scholarly Baseball Journal but that doesn't eat up a ton of time. Mostly I don't come on other to weigh in because this place can be distracting. It's like this, tried and true we know one thing more calories out then in works. You get exercise in any form.. you get healthier. That is what it should be about right? But for a long time most post were which diet is best. Which macros should be watched, weight training or cardio? If cardio, running or walking? Questions are fine but then it tuned into debate and arguments. I was like, Really? Live and let live folks and just get shit done. Results and the end result we are looking for is health beauty is seondary. Then, on top of that for the most part its like this while going through my plateau and not losing a thing and still watching and working out, I hear people who constantly cut corners talk about the food they eat and I look at their lack of results and I'm amazed at how they can say they are being successful? Like the one thing that KILLS me is running a calorie and macro nutrient intake like you are going to die tomorrow. I'll give you an example you have 2000 dollars to spend, you know you are going to die tomorrow so you NEED and WANT to spend it all tonight. Well guess what? You wont die if you have four hundred calories left over at 11pm and you are about to go to bed! What happens to me when I have a surplus? I rejoice in the fact I have that surplus and offer up that 1 centimeter of fat behind my knee to a hungry Somalian kid who's never even SEEN the cheeseburger I'm craving. In the end, I know I need to just handle my own, But It's tough to keep the eye on the prize when you are at an AA meeting where half the people are sitting around drinking margaritas. I will also try to check my inbox more, there is a few people I really want to apologize to because I sorta feel as if i've been a horrible friend too while they needed a helping hand. For that I will try to be around more often but, I also have to take care of me, and do what is best for me. Hope you understand and this didn't come off too harsh, just felt I had to explain.
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lol! I know just what you meant and I think I am one of those "permanent plateau" types! Hang in there, and thank goodness your GF cares enough to kick you! 
03 Aug 11 by member: abbadabba
Hey buddy nice to see you! I do agree sometimes the tough love is the best love. I get the reasons you haven't been here - I took a break myself because I just couldn't handle the bickering (even now i stay away from the forum for the most part.) I don't get the whole "I have 400 calories left omg what should I do" I always look at it as a "woohoo 400 calories left over" but then again I tend to look at the surplus and figure it all balances out in the end because I don't track on weekends as I am seldom at my own place and i am not eating my own food so I never know how to track it. It is nice to see you are back to losing and as for the HIIT on Hills... yeah you can keep those for a while the elliptical is still kicking my ass ;) 
03 Aug 11 by member: pixidaisy
I commend you for stating the cold harsh facts. But you shouldn't have to feel apologetic for speaking your mind and how you feel. Look at your successes. Think of yourself and your continued successes first.  
03 Aug 11 by member: kmartin
"Tough love is at times the best love..." agreed. It's great to hear from you!  
03 Aug 11 by member: Shae206
WOW! This is AWESOME! And I mean that seriously! Everyone has to get to that place where these kinds of things become irritating to them. At least a little! It means more about where you are at...and where your head is at...which just so happens to be 'in the game'!!! And that's a great thing! You're not here for anyone but YOU! Oh, sure it's a good feeling to make friends, and to help others, and I surely want you to continue that if that means something to you! But you should be GETTING support here also! You should be using this site as a useful TOOL. Tracking. Learning. Posting. Answering Questions. Motivating. And being Motivated! Now is not the time to slack. You are one of the few people I know on this site, that I can honestly say... is just plain real about it all. Good for the GF to just call you on it! Go back and read some of your early journals. Stir it up inside you Les! Don't let go of the hunger and passion to honor and meet your commitments in this journey!!! You got this, man! Get with the program!!! Much Love :) 
03 Aug 11 by member: jsfantome
Well spoken, well - written - my friend. I commend you for staying away from the bickering. Trouble is, I think many of us NEED a place like this to keep us accountable. I know that I definitely do. If I start staying away, then I might start to slip, and I am simply not ready or willing to do that. However, I find the bickering tedious too, and I am getting pretty good at filtering it all out. I take what I can use from this place, and that is all the great tools and the positive motivation from MANY people here. Sure, a few complain and nag, but that's just like the real world. When I see them start, I quietly stop participating and log out. It's as easy as that. They pick the fights - let's just let them fight them. I'm not gonna participate. Besides, there really is no arguting about which is the more efficient diet. We all know that MY diet is the best! (joke). 
04 Aug 11 by member: kingkeld
Man, I just noticed... you're getting so close to your goal. :) Proud of you. 
04 Aug 11 by member: kingkeld
Thanks so much everyone for commenting. Thought I might get strung up, some of my comments, though true were pretty sharp. I think people do two things here that sabotage themselves, micromanage their diets and two fool themselves into thinking that don't have to change what or how they put things in their bodies. They think they change but they basically bait and switch. Either way it kills my motivation, because like I said... Being an addict I can't sit next to an addict who keeps talking about how awesome it is to shoot up a DQ blizzard. But seriously guys I really appreciate the support, just realizing that as I get closer to goal I am becoming a lot more localized, and hell, isn't that part of why a 532 pound man would want to lose weight too? Too feel comfortable in the real world?  
04 Aug 11 by member: Kingcole35
This journal write was touching! First and foremost being a fellow addict, you should definitely take care of you first. Whatever it takes to not digress. You are doing such a great job!! Please keep the focus and keep up the good work. Whatever it takes to get there, continue the march! I know that we don't know each other, but I am very proud of you! The milestone that you have come from is admirable and the milestones where you will get too will be even nicer!!! You can do it!! One pound at a time!!! Keep the focus!! Great job!!! I was told a new phrase that I should use this week.....and you should use it more often.... "Its all about me!" :) Take care and have a great one! 
04 Aug 11 by member: Kjxoxo1
I know what you mean. I go through phases where I feel like I'm tired of seeing all the same stuff so I don't post much. Or sometimes because I'm too busy. It's true that you really need to strike a balance between being diligent about your program & living your life. Sometimes it's just not that serious. We are fortunate enough to have figured that out & put it into practice, but there are a lot of other members here who can relate to us & benefit from our experience. I don't feel obligated to be "available" here, for lack of a better word, but there have been a lot of people I've communicated with either in our journals, in a forum post, or by private message who have told me that something I said helped them figure it out for themselves. That happens often enough to make it worth it for me to continue participating as much as I can. You definitely gotta do you because first things first, just know that we think of you & appreciate you checking in. :D 
04 Aug 11 by member: kstubblefield
This journal is your tool, if you no longer need it, then discard it. I enjoy reading your entries, I feel you have a real spark for writing...but it only shines when you feel like writing it. The update was great, I was worried that something was up with you, but the post reads forced...like it was something you had to do, not wanted to do. As I got closer to goal, I also chose not to post so much. It is accepted that someday, you will no longer need this site at all. You will know automatically how many calories you ate and about how many you burned. You will be comfortable side stepping situations that cause poor choices. I hope that when the day comes you find you no longer need to use the site, that you send me a message letting me know where to drop you a line from time to time. 
05 Aug 11 by member: mammasix
I totally hear you. I've been struggling with coming on and posting too...for a lot of the same reasons. I still post my food because it's something I need to do for me. To help keep me on track... I'm pretty much at my goal and need to figure out a way to relax a bit without sabotaging myself. It's a hard balance to strike. You're right about hearing the same stuff over and over. And it is sometimes frustrating for me too. There really is no magic bullet or secret to success. It's what we all know and its a lot of freaking work to get there. So hats off to all of us that are just keeping our heads down and doing the work and seeing the results! Proud of you and proud of me too (that's a tough one for me but I'm trying say it more often :-) 
10 Aug 11 by member: irish_chick
wow...good for you...mean what you say, say what you mean!  
15 Aug 11 by member: bellyafterbaby
Good for you; no apologies necessary! What you said was right and you gotta do for you. I'm glad you hear you are doing well and that your GF is still by your side and helping you where you need it. Take care. :) 
17 Aug 11 by member: deb_bluerose
Hey Les, can you hear 299 calling your name??? I can :))) 
18 Aug 11 by member: jsfantome

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