jmb3450's Journal, 28 July 2015

Whew! Finally feel like I'm back on track today. Yesterday's calorie count while over budget wasn't horrible, but it was an eating disaster as far as content. The stress of being back at work with the usual backlog of stuff to do and just getting back into the routine of it had me reverting to old behaviors. A couple weeks ago I boasted that I had my chocolate cravings under control and managed to keep a stash of miniatures in my desk drawer with success. Well I finished off most of that stash for breakfast yesterday, then started in on the stash of popcorn, cheese puffs, and tortilla scoops in my other drawer that I'd also "successfully" managed to control. Thankfully it was a limited stash and I ran out of stuff to eat! By evening I was able to curtail things and finished off the day with a salad.

It does make me realize that my underlying issues of compulsive eating are still there and probably always will be. Once I get started down the wrong path it's truly like an addiction and leads to a cycle - the unwanted behavior with food fuels a compulsion to repeat the same unwanted behavior. A weakness for sure, but understanding that for what it is does help with controlling it - maybe managing it is a better way to express it. I also realize I must be careful and can't allow myself too many indulgences as that way of eating is why I now have 5 stents in my heart.

It's good to know our weaknesses - in knowing and understanding them we can be stronger. So today I will be strong in my weakness, because I choose to not go to the place where I am weak.

Diet Calendar Entries for 28 July 2015:
2050 kcal Fat: 86.29g | Prot: 131.10g | Carb: 177.62g.   Breakfast: Trader Joe's Sunflower Seed Butter, Great Value Powdered Creamer, Coffee, David Seeds Ranch Sunflower Seeds. Lunch: Nuts Online Roasted Golden Chickpeas, Toll House Cocoa, Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Whey - Double Rich Chocolate, Great Value Frozen Whole Blueberries, Spinach (Chopped or Leaf, Frozen), Chobani Simply 100 Black Cherry, Silk Pure Almond Milk - Original. Dinner: Lucerne 2% Milk Cheddar Jack Cheese, Green Peppers, Tomatoes, Publix Fried Chicken Tenders, Sugardale Thick Sliced Bacon, Cucumber (with Peel), Iceberg Lettuce (Includes Crisphead Types), Safeway Light Ranch Dressing, Great Value Light Mayonnaise Dressing, Mission Carb Balance Burrito. Snacks/Other: Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 1% Milkfat), Domex Superfresh Growers Dark Sweet Cherries, Grapes. more...
3108 kcal Activities & Exercise: FitBit Tracker - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Don't suround yourself with junk food, put some healthy snacks in your desk drawer, it will make life easier. 
28 Jul 15 by member: snezica
I am glad the stash is gone. You should have gotten rid of them long ago because they were always in there waiting for a weak moment, then all hell breaks loose. My husband who doesn't battle his weight like I do eats muffins and cookies for breakfast. they sit there on the counter and I don't bother them except when that weak moment finds it's way into my mind. We are always going to be around food, self control is a battle in itself. 
28 Jul 15 by member: diehard3
Snezica you are right in that. Good news??? is that I ate them so they're not around now! Just can't let my head get big again and figure I can keep a drawer full of junk. 
28 Jul 15 by member: jmb3450
Five stents? You are a blessed person to be healthy as you are right now - stick with it, Jim. We want you around for a long long time! 
28 Jul 15 by member: HCB
HCB I am very thankful to God and blessed for sure, my situation could be much worse. Interestingly what started me on the course to finding out about my heart issues was a freak infection in another part of my body - my belief is that God used that as a "wake up" to getting me on the path I am now traveling. Aside from that, something else has me thinking also about yesterday's food choices which included lots of sugar and refined simple carbs. Today I have significantly more pain and aching than usual in my hips. My guess is inflammation caused by yesterday's food choices. Inflammation is the root of my heart disease which is why I need to not keep the stashes of goodies around. 
28 Jul 15 by member: jmb3450
Jim you can do it, what I normally bring to work for a snack is an apple, have it about 9 or in the morning and I am good to lunch. 
28 Jul 15 by member: Rockiesfan
I have valued your insights into YOUR own situation AND into life IN GENERAL ever since I came to FatSecret...I am never "anxious" or even overly concerned about your occasional lapses because you know exactly what to do to "fix" them...One thing I am learning...and it really SURPISES me...is how I can have a craving (and chocolate has been ONE of MANY across the years)...How I can seemingly have a craving "under control" for WEEKS...NOT even a temptation...and then, suddenly, without warning, IT RETURNS...I guess the lesson is...while we may not STRUGGLE every single day or even week with CRAVINGS...we must be vigilant about them, because it seems like they WILL RETURN at some point in time...I am finding, more and more, that when it comes to TRIGGER FOODS...TOTAL abstenance (NOT moderation) is the best game plan for me...Thank you for ALL of your valuable and inspiring support to me and to ALL of us!!!! Have a Thoughtful (and productive) Tuesday!!!! 
28 Jul 15 by member: SuccessThisTime58
Jim, my first thought was the same as Senzica, do not replace that junk food! Even if I have healthy snacks in my desk drawer at work I eat too many of them, nuts: I will eat them all mindlessly. I try to bring some fruit to work everyday to snack on if I get hungry.  
28 Jul 15 by member: wholefoodnut
It is like an addiction for me, too. I have gone months maintaining my healthy eating habits and in that time I have genuinely thought I had my binge eating under control, or that I was "fixed" only to have a stressful situation derail me and send me spiraling out of control. And sometimes, even after all of my success, in those moments it feels like I'll never be able to get back to healthy eating. It sounds silly looking back on it, but it really is that hard to give up the carbs and simple sugars for me. Right now I'm in a good place where I can moderate some into my diet now and then without any devastating affects but it's important to be aware of the triggers and plan for success. Clinicals are extremely stressful for me, and resulted in a binge every day time this past spring, but now I pack my lunch and my snack and leave my cash at home. It's my guarantee for success. Here's to a great day today, Jim. Thanks for sharing! 
28 Jul 15 by member: Annabelle3117
I cannot have the trigger foods around at all; knowing your own "weaknesses" is a lot of the battle. 
28 Jul 15 by member: kclab
Jim, I have the same issue with compulsive eating. Once I get started, it is a runaway train - everything is fair game. The only success I have had (and it is limited) is once I start thinking about eating that way, I jump on the treadmill or go for a walk/jog. Unfortunately, more often than not the will power to make that better decision is gone by the time I realize that I am about to go on a binge. I keep trying. My hope is that I can extend the time between those binges. Perhaps that is a statistic I/we should track. Good luck and realize you are not alone. 
29 Jul 15 by member: mattstoc
Nope none of you are alone,, I am the same way only my out of control can last over a year and 45 pounds later before I even care !! I have done it several times,, and I don't understand why,, I hate myself for it . But here I am again on the road to healthy and Hopefully staying that way . 20 of the 45 pounds gone . 
29 Jul 15 by member: Tamarah Jo
Wow, so many of going through the same thing. Yesterday I had a dessert at work in the freezer with the intention of taking home to my husband. The craving hit and that was ALL I could think of, but because I talk so much about my eating, I knew I had to hide it from my co-workers. I managed to get it to my office and damned if 3 co workers didn't stop by for a 30 minute visit. I had to laugh. it was clear to me God was trying to help if I would let him. I chose not to, and the second they left I ate it. Always followed by shame and disgust. I managed to stop after that with no more bingeing, walked for an hour after work, and then had a light dinner. Yet, it put me over 350 calories for the day and not worth it for a second. Know that you are not alone but for today, we can do this. I commit for today to sticking to my food plan.  
29 Jul 15 by member: Nicole Strong Barrett
If it is in the house, I will munch out !!  
29 Jul 15 by member: krazycat 99
I am the same way also. I try to keep it to where ...If I want a junk food ,I have to go to the store and get it. ( Gives me more time to change my mind)... It works . 
29 Jul 15 by member: krazycat 99
It's interesting how everyone has their different triggers! For me, it's bread. Any kind, really. That and pasta. I just can't have it in the house, because when I'm lazy, I'll have 'just a bit' of it, and then it turns into a whole fiasco.  
29 Jul 15 by member: notelaine
hope you manage well today !! 
29 Jul 15 by member: livebanana
Sounds like we all struggle with the same 'demons' -- I've only been on FS and this new WOE for a little over 6 weeks with no huge cravings/temptations . . . YET . . . but I feel the danger lurking just around the corner. Such as when the appetite-depressing heat of summer has dissipated or my business trip to Chicago in early September, or the start of college football season (where 'game day' has historically/typically featured a menu of unhealthy apps like chicken wings, cheese dip, etc.). The one time in the 6 weeks thus far that I was really tempted to cheat, my inclination was to journal about it here for feedback and support and that proved a useful and effective 'diversion.' 
29 Jul 15 by member: losinit1655
Yep. I feel you. It has been a hard thing to admit, but I definitely treat food like an addict. 
29 Jul 15 by member: cylon76
I'm also awful with bread. If I make any kind besides my normal weekly one, I'm in trouble.  
29 Jul 15 by member: wholefoodnut

     
 

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