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I'm back from my trip out west. I'm somewhere between deliriously in the early stages of falling in love and staring in the mirror and trying to remember who I was before I went out west. Tomorrow I face my ex and try to explain why I finally decided to move on...
I probably should sleep instead of listening to depressing post-break-up mix tapes.... I think I've met my perfect match, but its hard to be as certain as I need to be to face my ex.... While I give him credit for trying to stand up for what he suddenly decided he wanted, I wish he'd not try and tear me to pieces in the process. Why is question "Who am I?" so difficult to answer. Dietwise, I owe myself a pat on the back for eating incredibly healthy on vacation.... I think I've actually lost weight. I'll have to weigh in tomorrow morning.
I need to make myself go to bed and stop fretting. Happy endings do happen, but I have a nagging feeling that the price for this happiness is a bit steeper than I'd like. I hating hurting others, and while I know that I'm not responsible for other people's choices or other people's happiness - I unfortunately am the sort of person who finds it hard not to worry about others first and put what is best for me on the side. I don't want to hurt anyone or let anyone down - I don't want to throw away the chance at a healthy, long term relationship with someone who's values are very closely matched to mine... but it seems the first thing I need to do is have a bit of courage and believe that I am responsible for making good choices for me...
Okay.. think the late night coffee is wearing off enough to allow sleep...
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