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"Here, piggy, piggy, piggy." Garbled crap sounding like someone's broken radio at an auto shop with the random noises thrown for good measure. Goes on with the garbled and random noises for 20 minutes to an hour or more than suddenly a jolt of, "LOOK OUT! THEY'RE COMING!" There is a fading laughter and back to the garbled noises. My heart, of course, still got a work out. Deep breaths. Just focus on the needle and thread. Yarn over. Pull through. Yarn over, yarn over, pull up a loop, yarn over, pull through. I hear music. Is that in my head or do they have the radio on? Ah, the red light is on. "Fucking whore." Try to suppress a smirk at that one as my mind rattles off in response, "Insufficient data for your conclusion, jackass." I'm sitting at the end of the hall, and while, I live in a mental health facility, I still find it not so good to practice publicly speaking back to the voices. Part of me is afraid it will give them more power, make them more real.
The sights today aren't too bad. I didn't wake up to the walls bleeding this morning, that was yesterday. It's Spring, so not sure if the bugs I'm seeing are there or not. For sake of argument I'm going to say they are real as that is a bit more comforting than whack-a-doodle.
I'm taking a hard look at my exercise program right now and seeing what I need to cut back on. Walking is fine, it doesn't really add to my stress, and walking is known to reduce cortisol levels. My Zombie, Runs entertain me, but on the wrong day could prove to be a critical fail as it does increase physical stress a good deal. I'll have to debate that a bit more (and running has been proven to raise cortisol levels). Instead of Pilates I'm going to do Yoga. I'm going to drop my walking goal down a bit from 10,000 to 7,500. I'm going to stop the Shred I think. I don't know though, but I've seen frogs during that one, not sure what that's about, but that's what's been popping up during that.
Sticking with WOE as it is honestly, the least stressful WOE I have ever done. I can manage it on a tight budget. I am becoming more intuitive with it. I'm not having to plan so far out and able to modify without having to think too much about it. It is kind of nice.
Oh, other fun part of psychosis - Thought blocking (stop dead center of a word and have no idea what I was saying and no way of recovering it, even with reminders), and memory issues, complete blocks. Utterly gone moments as if they never happened at all.
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