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Well, my new diet has had one negative effect I wasn't expecting. My youngest is a little over weight, too. She put on a lot of weight fast over the summer. It was so fast we had her thyroid checked but it was fine. Fortunately, since then she has leveled out and already she is starting to grow into her weight. She is only 8 so we want her healthy but a diet or losing weight really isn't good for her. She has been copying my new eating habits and exercising with me; which is great. But she confided in me last night that she doesn't like her body because she wears a larger size than her older sister. She asked to go see Mrs. Emma, which is a child therapist that she has seen in the past, about this. I try to encourage all of my kids to ask to see Mrs. Emma when they feel they need to, but I try not to rush them to her for every little thing since it does take time out of school. I talked to her about what is best for her at her age concerning her weight. I pointed out that she is already growing into her weight by pointing out how loose her pants have gotten. Then I offered to take her pants up in the waist next weekend so they would fit better. She seemed dubious that taking her pants up would help her feel better but I convinced her to try that first. My question to FS: How do you encourage a slightly over weight child to be confident in themselves, especially when you are actively trying to lose weight? She is the child most like me and she has always prided herself on that. I suspect that her wanting to be like me played a big role in her weight gain to begin with. So how do I convince her that a diet is good for me but not necessarily good for her?
Diet Calendar Entries for 25 February 2015:
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1653 kcal
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Fat: 120.62g | Prot: 88.97g | Carb: 57.45g.
Breakfast: Coffee, Albertsons Heavy Whipping Cream, Whole Foods Market Stevia, Winn-Dixie Small Curd 4% Milkfat Cottage Cheese, Fried Egg, Green Sweet Pepper. Lunch: Sweet Pickle Relish, Wendy's Iceberg Lettuce Leaf, Red Gold Diced Tomatoes, Tuna in Water (Canned), Mayonnaise, Celery, Laura Scudder's All Natural Old Fashioned Smooth Peanut Butter. Dinner: Cooked Broccoli (Fat Not Added in Cooking), Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Leg (Skin Eaten), Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Thigh (Skin Eaten), Unsalted Butter Stick, Tea (Brewed), Green String Beans. Snacks/Other: Unsalted Butter Stick, Polaner Sugar Free Strawberry Preserves with Fiber, Mission Foods Carb Balance Whole Wheat Tortillas (Fajita Size). more...
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2197 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Pilates - 20 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Daughters mirror their mothers subconsciously. The adage you become your mother, true. Look up a Dove soap commercial where they asked women what they did and didn't like about themselves, then asked the daughters the same question. The daughters answers matched the mothers. It's very moving (yes I know it's a commercial, and I may have teared up a little, don't judge me). Long story, stop talking about wanting to lose weight. Start talking about wanting to be healthy and fit. Make it a positive thing. Talk about how good you feel, and things that make you happy.
25 Feb 15 by member: Instantcrazy
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I second IC. I have kids with disabilities that struggle with that and the best thing you can do is teach them it's ok to live in the body they have but do the best they can to be healthy. Kids eat what you give them and they learn what you model to them. Maybe you will get a two for one out of your journey lol.
25 Feb 15 by member: nicholaix
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Yes, you don't talk about diet. You talk about healthy eating and being active. Make healthy meals together. Get healthy snacks. I try to get cut up vegetables and fruits so the kids can grab it. Plan fun activities like ice skating, hiking, etc. Be a positive role model for her. She will pick up your good habits.
25 Feb 15 by member: Suzi161
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Great suggestions. I guess I never thought about the effect of using the word diet in place of healthy eating could have such an affect. I should have because I talk to my kids a lot about perspective. So from now on diet is a bad word in our house. I can still encourage her to exercise and make healthy food choices but take the emphasis off of weight loss. Thanks everybody.
25 Feb 15 by member: blurose411
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Perhaps you and your daughter could look into some role models for her? Whatever her hobbies are, or interests. I am sure you can find young girls/young woen that she can look up to, admire and want to be like? I'm 44 without kids, so I don't have any suggestions. You sound like a great Mom though.
25 Feb 15 by member: Lesleag
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I have a daughter too who looks like me. Luckily she is slightly stronger willed (from her dad) so she is learning to go jump rope etc on her own. I never say fat etc just needing to tone up getting stronger etc
25 Feb 15 by member: Boss Hog 76
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Also-- sometimes girls might gain a little weight around that age or pre-teen age because their body is preparing to begin menstrual cycles. My daughter was what I considered "chubby" at that age -- not necessarily overweight, but just a little body fat. Once she entered her teen years, it was more like she grew taller and into that weight rather than losing.
25 Feb 15 by member: phutch14
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I am a child therapist - if she wants to see Mrs. Emma, why not?
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Make over how beautiful she is just the way she is right now. Tell her all the time how gorgeous she is and how she is going to "drive some guy crazy with her looks" :) and also compliment yourself about your own figure in front of her - if she sees that you are confident about your looks, then she might pick up on it and feel like she can be too. I watched my mom struggle with her weight and become frustrated with her "baby fat" It wasn't good for me and my sister to see that all the time. I felt guilty and disgusting after gaining my own "baby weight" with having two children. I wish my mom would have done what I said above for me.
25 Feb 15 by member: adbrink
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All great ideas. I will certainly implement them in my own way. Phutch, I have considered that. That is one of the reasons why I am not too concerned with her weight. My son did the same thing. I think the biggest reason why she is having this problem is because she has long felt in her sister's shadow. My two girls are starting into that stage where they are comparing themselves to each other and to other females. They are only a year and a half apart so they are a lot like twins. My older daughter (Mary) is worried because her younger sister's "breast are more developed". And my younger daughter (Emma) see strangers notice and comment on her sister more. Strangers can be such aholes. I try to encourage both of them to be happy with the body they have because of how unique they are but we are just starting those years and years of self doubt. HCB, there is no problem with taking them to see their therapist. That's why I encourage them to tell me when they want to go, but I also believe in self reliance. That is why when any of them come to me with something like this I try to tackle it at home first. If the problem persist then I will make the appointment with nothing else said. Mrs. Emma is great and has helped the kids with alot that I was unable to, but I'd rather show her that if she is unhappy about something that she has direct control over that she is the one who can change it; if I can. Mrs. Emma comes when all else has failed. Except of course; like when they were in an accident on the school bus. They weren't hurt but they had anxiety from it. When they asked then there was no hesitation because I know how traumatic such events can be.
25 Feb 15 by member: blurose411
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Glad you are trying to help them be self-reliant and still open to Mrs. Emma. that is great.
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I for example say we don't eat much sugar to my kids because it's bad for our teeth not it makes us fat and i say we go for walks because it makes us happy and gives us energy. All forms of exercise i say is to make us fit and happy.
26 Feb 15 by member: njashka8
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26 Feb 15 by member: Instantcrazy
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You are doing great keep up the good work. She is still young, she probably hasn't reached her full height yet so you just have to keep the lines of communication open and let her realize that your weight doesn't define who you are, how you feel about yourself does.
26 Feb 15 by member: BrenIL1
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njashka8 I liked your reply. Positive enforcement is great for both mom and daughter.
blurose411 Use positive enforcement, and watch all negative talk, in front of your daughter. I know its hard sometimes if we get on the scale and go up a little to get negative but if daughter(s) are around say positive things. Also every day tell your girls that they are beautiful and you love them and they are perfect just the way they are.
26 Feb 15 by member: denni13
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Thank you all for your help. I have already begun implementing many of them and will add the new advice.
26 Feb 15 by member: blurose411
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I dunno much about kids, but... puppy fat?
26 Feb 15 by member: Somebody Else
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Always encourage health over size. My daughter had a weight problem growing up (as I did too) and as much as I wanted to help her and tried, I did not. She always stayed with sports and I could never understand why she stayed overweight. Years later she told me she would sneak food and hide the evidence from me and her dad. I wish I knew now what I didn't know then. She is 27 and still struggling. What I didn't do as she was growing up was maintain my weight, so she picked up my bad habits. If you stay with good habits, she may do the same. Always tell her how beautiful she is inside and out.
02 Mar 15 by member: CCerza
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