artica's Journal, 12 May 2011

Jealousy - The Green Eyed Monster

I learned today that a childhood friend of mine who i still see around has just undergone a Gastric Bypass Surgery. This friend is 125 kgs currently, which is the weight i was before i started working out and eating right.

Now while i do feel happy for him, i am recognizing that a part of myself feels resentful. Why does he get the easy way out ? (i am by no means implying that a GBP is easy, its an operation and therefore carries risks and its own issues). I have to watch what i eat constantly, count calories, forgo the fattening stuff and work my butt off at the gym. He on the other hand will have to do in my mind close to nothing. His appetite has shrunk, he can eat whatever he wants until he is full (or feels full due to reduced stomach capacity). According to him, the rate of loss is supposed to be about 1 kg a day... 1KG A DAY !! I am lucky if i get a KG a week. This is going to sound like major sour grapes but ....Its not fair ! He will theoretically lose in 3 months what is has taken me a year to do(okay i am done whining)

I know its better to do it naturally, the long-term benefits of healthy eating and exercise are good cultivated habits that will last a lifetime and such. But imagine being the weight you have always dreamed about with no diet, no exercise and eating whatever whenever...in three months or so to boot...Honestly it sounds too good to be true. Would i ever go under the knife and get a GBP surgery ? i asked myself this long and hard because the option to do so is still open to me.

I finally decided i won't because this past year although it has been so tough and even painful at times it has been one of the most educational times in my life. I have grown as a person, learnt so much about myself. I have challenged myself to try new things and i have pushed my limits constantly that i am forced every time to redefine the boundaries of what i thought i possible until i have realized there are none.

During the process of weightloss and a lifestyle change it is too easy to get fixated on a number on the weighing machine and becoming obsessed with just losing and working towards the next weight target that often you miss out on the best part which is the Journey. Its not about just reaching a goal weight anymore its more about living and enjoying the process and learning new things about yourself everyday.

So despite being plagued by a short bout of jealousy, i would not have done my lifestyle change any other way. It may take me another year to get to my goal weight but i am looking forward to all the things i am going to gain and learn along the way.

Do tell me what you think :)
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Hey you....... you have a beautiful face and skin in your profile pix. Healthy eating contributes to healthy looking hair and skin. He will not have the benefit of that process. He will probably also get loose flabby skin because he has lost the weight too fast and either have to have another op - with scars, or put up with folds of excess skin. You on the other hand are exercising, which helps with the loose skin and are losing slowly which allows your skin to shrink back naturally. You are doing it right, stand up and be proud of yourself. :-)  
12 May 11 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Hi Artica - I think you answered yourself there...I think your feelings are pretty much the same as all of ours, why should some get the easy way out, but to be honest the thought of having a part of me chopped out of my body to make me feel full or a foreign band strangling my stomach just plain freaks me out. It would be like going to the doctor with an itchy leg and they amputate it...the problem is solved as there is no longer an itch, but you have lost your fricking leg!!! I feel that if you cannot find the will to lose the weight yourself, you will not find the will to deal with the issues that made you fat in the first place.... 
12 May 11 by member: triaby
One thing that comes to mind for me is that YOU learn to eat right. Your friend learns to eat less (by force!). So when you have both lost the weight you need to lose, you will automatically know who to keep it off you in the future. Your friend will - unless he/she learns about it too - have to fight it after the stomach resizes (which it will eventually, if you start eating larger portions). Personally, I would much rather choose the natural way to losing way. It turned out to really not be that difficult once I was motivated. And I still get to stuff my face like a maniac on special occasions. Your friend will never try that again. If you're a food lover, you won't want to let that go, do you? Forever? 
12 May 11 by member: kingkeld
I am totally impressed with this wisdom of these 3 comments by kingkeld, Triaby, and especially, Sk1nnyfuture. They are so exactly right. I once considered GBS myself, thank God that didn't happen...because about 6 months later a nurse friend of mine had it done. Most of the horror stories associated with GBS happened to her. She even wanted it reversed! And yes, more surgeries for folds and folds of hanging skin. Her words to me were, "I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable." Anyway, things happen the way they are supposed to. What you are doing is right for you. 
12 May 11 by member: Steviefan1
I understand your frustration because I've cycled through similar feelings myself. I can offer a slightly different perspective though if you'd care to hear it...when I began my weight loss close to a year ago, I knew that my husband was going through the process to have gastric band surgery. There was no date, but I knew he'd probably go through with it & I was certain of 2 things: 1) There was no way I'd ever have weight loss surgery - just my personal opinion. 2) There was no way I'd be ok with staying fat after he lost weight. So I decided to plug away at it on my own to see what I could accomplish. I experimented with various techniques & foods & learned a lot about nutrition. We got a family gym membership & I developed excellent & consistent exercise habits that got the weight to come off steadily. At first my husband just came along with me, but after he'd made some progress he began to enjoy as much as I did, & started going on his own. He was able to lose the required amount of weight pre-surgery because of this...I know it was the exercise, because his eating habits still weren't great. The holidays were challenging for him, but he finally had the surgery in Jan. For someone who already had a hard time controlling intake, meal planning & tracking was the biggest challenge post-surgery. I've tried to help but it isn't my responsibility to manage what he eats. He does the best he can, but has already been identified as being deficient in one critical vitamin & has just started supplements for it. He can eat pretty much any food, but if he eats too fast or too much he'll make himself sick. That will never change. Yes, he has lost weight quickly, but it's not without its challenges & seeing it firsthand only confirms my decision to do it the way I've done it. I do think it was the right choice for him given his situation, especially since he does not view it as the quick fix many others do. He still works out nearly every day & tries his best with the food...the band merely helps to save him from himself, really. One last thing (I know this is long, sorry) is that because I’ve done this on my own, I can change my diet whenever I want. For example, I went completely off plan twice last month for trips we took, & I was able to enjoy eating whatever I felt like eating in any quantity without the guilt. He can never physically do that because the band won’t allow it, & there are certain foods he used to love that he can’t eat at all anymore. There are two sides to both coins, my dear…be proud of yourself for what you’ve done. Sure, anyone can have surgery & lose fat. But there is no easy way to create muscle definition. That is something lazy people will never have, so go get it girl!!! 
12 May 11 by member: kstubblefield
In my veiw , there is no easy way out. I always stress to my employees, that what seems to be a good shortcut now, will come back to bite you in the ass later. I apologize to any GB recipients who may be offended by this as I do not know all of your circumstances. However, I have know 3 people who have gotten this, and 2 of them are as heavy as ever. It is not a guarntee and you can get around it and eat crap. IT IS A TIME PROVEN SUCCESSFULL PLAN THAT WHEN YOU EAT BETTER FOODS, NOT EMPTY CALORIES, REDUCE INTAKE A LITTLE AND INCREASE ACTIVITY A LITTLE YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT AND KEEP IT OFF. It is more attuned to the way nature wants our bodies to be. Walk throuh the forrest or jungle and tellme how many fat animals you see. Not a whole lot of GB going on out in the wild though, is there?  
12 May 11 by member: mikecontos
Artica, I have had the opportunity to see three people go through the process of GBS and none of them has seen long term success. My Aunt had it done, but after her husband became sick due to kidney trouble and her mother started needing 24-hour care due to Alzheimers, she gained all the weight back while taking care of them. Another lady I know (a nurse), had the surgery done, but gained it back 2-3 years later. Last, a good friend of my Uncle's had GBS...he was much larger than my Aunt and the nurse, and he lost a ton of weight. It was a celebration. We all were so happy for him. However, within 2-3 years he also gained all the weight back. I saw him after he'd gained the weight back and he was working at a pizza joint. Unfortunately, last year he passed away in the parking lot of a local hospital. From what I heard, he wasn't feeling well while at work and drove himself down the street to the hospital, but never made it inside. I don't know the real reason why every one of the GBS recipients gained their weight back. I do know that serious events happen in all our lives and we slip. But the best thing for us (GBS or not) is to educate ourselves about nutrician and exercise...to actually practice good habits for the rest of our lives...so we can get back up fighting when we fall.  
12 May 11 by member: eskindian
I think you right on this one...it so much better to do it naturally surgery gives so many risk factors....I hope you have a terrific and healthy week.. 
12 May 11 by member: thecoach
Amazing attitude! Eating right and exercising is the BEST way to get the weight off and keep it off forever. And by losing slower, you are learning good habits that will help you to keep the weight off. :-) Go, you! 
13 May 11 by member: GilmoreGirl
I almost did it last year, but i just wanted to accomplish it on my own, plus the hanging skin thing. I know two people who had it done. One a friend from church had it done over 3 years ago, hasnt gained it back but doesnt have insurance or money now to fix the skin issues. Another friend lost alot and gained it back. I always looke at it as an easy fix then i see now its not a guarantee it wont come back, might as well just learn to live right.  
15 May 11 by member: zeikiya989
You've got lots of support and great answers!!! For my two cents: I have two friends who have gone the surgery route. (which I would never do) One lost a bunch of weight, then gained again. The other also lost a bunch, and remains thin. He is my parents' dear friend. He is still slim. (not necessarily physically fit though, as he does not exercise). INCIDENTALLY - He only eats about 800 calories a day! TRULY!!! I could NEVER do that!!! I can't do it for a day, let alone long term. But he also has diabetes, and that's just the way he eats. (Would you guess that he may be mal-nourished?) I love him and feel sad that he has chosen to live that way. But he is happy for himself. In my opinion, (contrary to the example of too few calories above) -- everyone who wants to arrive at health -- being thin and physically fit -- must travel a similar road. WHETHER BY FORCE, [as in learning not to eat too much because their stomach can't take it], or BY CHOICE, [as in the way you and I are doing] -- the road is basically the same. Eat healthy, exercise and have a calorie deficiet for weight loss. Sure, there's the unhealthy way of doing things - losing too fast, eating the wrong foods, not exercising, but no matter the circumstances, WE REAP THE REWARDS OF THE CHOICES WE MAKE! The way I see it -- surgery is just a way of getting people to jump start their motivation to begin on the same path as we are. You have already found the motivation it takes to do the real thing and succeed. I hope that your friend finds the motivation that he needs to do the same. (I sympathize with you and congratulate you for having the courage to share your feelings. I'm sure that it did a world of good and you are moving on - continually in the right direction!!!) May all of us who suffer from being or having been overweight OVERCOME THIS TRIAL and succeed in the end!!! Best of everything to you!!! 
11 Jun 11 by member: herennow
I attended one of my workshops for my PhD residency and there was a lady there who had the GBP. She boasted and bragged about how much weight she'd lost. But then I noticed after each meal, breakfast and lunch prior to our workshop, about 10 min after we'd get started she would excuse herself to go to the ladies room. She explained to me later that her stomach is highly sensitive and often vomits after she eats a meal. Either the food is too greasy, or something with the consistency of the food upsets her stomach. I cannot imagine being a prisoner in my body like that. The surgery pretty much turned her into a bulimic. Nonetheless she seemed to still be proud that she lost weight even though her body forces her to vomit after every meal. I couldn't live that way for the rest of my life. I mean what if you are out on a date and you don't make it to the bathroom in time and puke at the table? I'm glad that I am losing it the healthy natural way and have no harmful side effects to my body. So far I've lost 50 lbs. No vomiting whatsoever!  
13 Jul 11 by member: sophique

     
 

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