2ManyCurves's Journal, 13 November 2014

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I have two tests due today. I can't focus. I have a trial tomorrow.

Stupid, stupid girl. Couldn't take another second of not knowing. I actually called the number I saw on the phone bill repeatedly. She is his co-worker. She denied having an affair. Says they are just friends. I was livid. I don't understand a woman who calls and texts a married man around the clock. I don't understand a married man who doesn't set boundaries with other women. My heart is in my toes. I tried talking to him about it. I was harsh admittedly. I just wanted some reassurance that he loves me. And, of course, he couldn't even bring himself to say it. I wouldn't want him to lie anyway.

I begged him to call into work so we could talk things out and if he wanted to go, I'd draft the divorce paperwork. He claimed he couldn't call into work and told me that he was done. It's 3 am. I'm tired of crying. Apparently some time during the night he decided to come home and sleep in the living room.

I think I'm just going to get in the car and drive. I'm embarrassed to air out this issue. But I feel like my head and my heart is exploding. And, I have no where else to really turn. I have to keep a smile on my face and a professional demeanor. Put on some heels and lipstick and try to act like I'm in control. I have to act like it doesn't even bother me that I am living with a man who cant even tell me he loves me.

Diet Calendar Entry for 13 November 2014:
150 kcal Fat: 0.00g | Prot: 6.00g | Carb: 25.00g.   Breakfast: Starbucks Nonfat Tazo Chai Tea Latte (Tall). more...

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Comments 
You are not stupid, you needed to know. He doesn't care enough, you deserve better and will find someone else when you are ready for another relationship, don't worry. 
13 Nov 14 by member: snezica
I'm so very sorry. I was broken-hearted at 18 and have been ever since. I did have a child from that relationship and that has kept me going. You sound like a strong woman and a man is not everything. I know it hurts! Trust me, I know!! I was a big girl and the girl he left me for was thin and I never got over that. I'm finally thin, but it doesn't make it any different. I'm also 44, but it still doesn't matter. I'm not saying there's not another man out there for you if that's what you want, but a strong woman can find a life in a career and herself that a man is not a necessity. Rely on yourself. Trust yourself. Do not eat to feel better. Exercise the heart-break. Cycle him out of your mind! You can do this! 
13 Nov 14 by member: susan4animals
((HUGS)) You are not stupid, you didn't do anything stupid. If he isn't willing to talk this out and reassure you than he was already gone anyway, all you did was bring it to light. You deserve so much better than that. I know it hurts, my heart is breaking for you, but give it some time. You are a strong woman, and an amazing mother. If anybody can overcome it's you. I will be praying for you and thinking of you. Always here if you need me. <3 
13 Nov 14 by member: Annabelle3117
So sorry for your heartbreak. You did right by airing things out. Focus on your son and yourself. I'll be thinking of you today (((Hugs))) 
13 Nov 14 by member: aggie95
You've had your suspicious and he more or less confirmed them when he didn't answer. You know what you have to do. Take control of your life now instead of sitting there hoping he'll change his mind.  
13 Nov 14 by member: ClassicRocker
The power to change our lives depends on US making the changes.WE are in control of what happens by the choices WE make. Wasn't it Einstein that said: Insanity is doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different outcome? :) BE the change *you* so desire!  
13 Nov 14 by member: myawethinTICself
My best friends husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore. He was having an affair with a gal at work. My friend waited for him for 5 years (as he said he couldn't make up his mind) hoping he'd change his mind and come back to her. He just got married to the 'home wrecker' last month. She feels so used and worthless. don't let your heart be torn apart like hers. We're with you... 
13 Nov 14 by member: dboza
Nobody is stupid because someone else decides to lie to them. We believe because we love. That's not stupid, that's trusting. We make ourselves vulnerable when we get into a relationship. It's the hardest thing in the world. Hang in there.  
13 Nov 14 by member: northernmusician
Echo'g all before me. You aren't stupid; he is for whatever reason's his priorities have shifted. Thousands of reasons 'why'. Perhaps it's now the fact that you're suspicions have been validated that you know you must take the next step; trying to turn a blind eye gave you the buffer of deniability. Please don't be ashamed to vent here; we love and support you as you work through this rough phase in your marriage. 
13 Nov 14 by member: FullaBella
No one defines you. You define you. Time to think about yourself and do for yourself. Easier said than done.  
13 Nov 14 by member: jparlett

     
 

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