Kathy Vanish's Journal, 17 October 2014

Yesterday was okay. Parts were stressful and I have noticed that stress and me go hand in hand with sleepless nights and no weight loss. I did some yoga yesterday and tried not to stress about the things that I cannot control, but I think it is going to take practice.

Pedometer numbers: 12093 steps, 4.58 miles, 650 activity calories, 2:10 hours (includes 60 mins on the elliptical during Rachel Ray). Calories were around 1300-1400 and I met my points of 26 yesterday (yes I have now gone down to 26 instead of 27 points allowed daily).

I also found an activity that gets better when you exercise regularly, but that is between my husband and myself if you know what I mean. It definitely gives the self esteem a boost. Needless to say I am tired this morning, but smiling.

I hope that smile lasts because I am going to see my mother today and our relationship is not really getting better. If it wasn't for my daughter, I probably wouldn't visit. I hate to say that, but it's true. I miss how it was. We had such a good relationship when I was growing up, but she just can't stop mothering and sticking her nose in where it just isn't wanted. I am an adult and whether she likes my husband or not, my husband is the best decision I have ever made. Hopefully, someday she will accept this. All of the hardship she has created hasn't lead to divorce and it won't it just pushes me farther away.

Okay, enough of that I am losing my smile. Today, I have one simple goal:

DON'T GIVE IN TO STRESS EATING! Wish me luck!!

Diet Calendar Entry for 17 October 2014:
752 kcal Fat: 27.56g | Prot: 28.79g | Carb: 97.38g.   Breakfast: Coffee with Milk and Sugar, Special K Chocolatey Delight Cereal, Milk (2% Lowfat Without Added Vitamin A and Nonfat Solids). Lunch: Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Baby Kale Blend, Matchstick Carrots, Sandwich Pepperoni, Deli Fresh Meats Smoked Turkey Breast, White Rice. Dinner: Chicken Noodle Soup. more...

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Comments 
How do you log that special exercise in your exercise journal? I haven't found anything listed for it :) 
17 Oct 14 by member: Chillie Willie
I use other and then call it pedometer and fill in the info. 
17 Oct 14 by member: Kathy Vanish
hey Kathy, hope you've worked out your issues over the weekend! Stress eating was my diet buster and I had a hard time working round it....I just removed the things that would trigger stress for me and made sure I had some me time to enjoy my hobbies...I started tending to the small garden I have and experimented with window boxes... However, the best therapy i found was journaling it here...It's not with my FB friends, but with my FS buddies. I also go to notifications when I am really stressed out and read other people's posts and I realize I'm not having such a bad day after all, some people are having a worse one! and the good thing about journaling is that you don't want to sound whiney cos you want people to read it, so you tend to be more positive and try to end with a good note, just like you did on this one. Maybe it would help to write your mother a letter and tell her what you really want to tell her from the bottom of your heart. Write it all out,especially first chance you get after visiting. Fold it and hide it somewhere in your bedside drawer. Open it after a week, and see if you still feel that way or you were just having a bad day and she said one word which was all you needed to take you off to another tangent....Analyse what she said exactly...is it how she says it? is she still not letting you go? is she concerned? does she see something as in a bigger picture than what you are seeing? What matters most is how you feel towards your husband...if he loves you and you love him, you will get through these tough times...remember we are not here on this planet forever...one of you will go before the other...no one likes arguing for the sake of arguing...life is too short for it! Enjoy life and enjoy each other's company... your mother is your mother and she loves you so much, no matter what she says...love her back, if she starts, don't freeze up or tense up, give her a hug instead and tell her you came to visit to have some fun time together because you may not be around forever...why do terminal disease patients have their happiest moments in life towards the end? because they forgive and let go and will not let anyone or anything spoil their precious days on earth....my friend is fighting with cancer... she has the most beautiful smile I've seen on her in years...her photos are amazing, her eyes shine inner beauty, her smile is beautiful, she had to shave off her hair and she looks gorgeous. Why? She wants to enjoy her precious moments on earth before she cannot recognise anything else...it is a powerful lesson she wants us to learn...to forgive and to let go. 
20 Oct 14 by member: Jenfar
Jen - It's a lot more than just forgive and forget. Some of the things she has done has made me not trust her. 
20 Oct 14 by member: Kathy Vanish
Pity, it takes a lifetime to build trust and 5 mins to take it away...just write that letter and get it all out, you will feel much better. I hugged my mother everyday when i used to drop off my first daughter ( she was barely 2)....we had quite a few differences but i realised she was going through a tough time with my dad and I was always the one in front of her who looked just like him, and i would be blamed for all his wrongdoings. I hugged her and squeezed her and told her how soft she felt until one day no more... a car accident took her away...and i had no regrets cos in that morning i hugged and squeezed her like forever!I had a car accident too that day on my way to work, 7 months pregnant and rushed to hospital cos they feared my baby's life... she came to look for me... she never made it.  
20 Oct 14 by member: Jenfar
HI Kathy, some food for thought:Listen, those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to do so unless YOU hold on to the pain and resentment. Remember, "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do." (Job 5:2-12) Even the story of Judas from the bible clearly reveals the power of forgiveness. It would be hard to find someone worse than Judas. The Bible says "Judas... was a thief" (John 12:6). Somehow he was able to live with Christ and witness his miracles, but in the end he decided he'd rather have money than a friend. So he sold Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Judas was a scoundrel. A cheat. A bum. How could anyone see him any other way? I don’t know how, but Jesus did. Only inches away from the face of his betrayer, Jesus looked at him and said, “Friend, do what you came to do.” (Matt. 26:50) How in the world Jesus saw Judas as worthy of being called a friend, I can’t even imagine. But in that moment Jesus saw something good in a very bad man. Shouldn’t we do the same for those who hurt us? Romans says, "Wish good for those who harm you; wish them well and do not curse them." This is hard advice to take sometimes. But research and science even shows that your lack of forgiveness, and holding resentment, could be making you fat AND unhealthy. STUDY #1: Showed that forgiveness improves cardiovascular and nervous system function. ("Campaign for Forgiveness Research” 2006) STUDY #2: Showed forgiving people suffer from LESS illness and people who hold onto resentment have more health problems. (University of Wisconsin) STUDY #3: Showed people who are taught how to forgive become LESS angry, feel LESS hurt, are MORE optimistic. People who forgive are even more self-confident. They also experience LESS stress along with an increase in vitality. (Stanford University) So always remember: - The first to apologize is the bravest. - The first to forgive is the strongest. - And the first to forget is the happiest.  
20 Oct 14 by member: Jenfar
Jen, I never said I didn't forgive her, I just can't trust her anymore and therefore am uncomfortable around both her and my father. She also plays favorites. I am used to this but when she does it to my daughter it seems to hurt more. I am trying to form a new relationship, but it 20 years to build the last one and she broke it in 10 minutes. All I can do is try, but I have to be careful because I don't want to go through that hurt again. 
20 Oct 14 by member: Kathy Vanish

     
 

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