S4MUS_4R4N's Journal, 13 April 2011

ahh spring, finally a positive change in the air :) . Despite my lack of posts ive been trying to stay focused, just getting used to the routine of new habits, ive been balancing my meals alot more, staying as active as possible and going to pass the challenge that one of my friends from this site challenged me with. ive noticed one hard thing though that is what makes me want to get 50x of my favorite workout shirt, in big bold letters (other then it saying GNC) it says its you vs you, and ive noticed that i may have built the confidence that i never knew i had before but it changed, i dont let other people bring me down, ive noticed I am the one to do it when something goes wrong. it would make me feel like ive reverted to the old me that didn't like anything about be didnt care about anything and would just want to slip away from it all, i fought it hard, and ive pushed it away, its better then it used to be but this was what triggered it. in one weekend i found out 2 of my best friends were getting a divorce and i met someone,and another fairly young uncle of mine had a heart attack. having been the child through a very bad divorce i just tried to keep my friends on the right path, the next day i met this woman, and it seemed great, long story short it didn't work out the directions we were heading in were far too apart, but even though it happned, quietly i took it out on myself emotionally because i've realized underneath the shell that i use to stay strong(not overly but enough to do what i gotta do) i've realized that deep down, i still wear my heart/emotions on my sleeve, i could imagine i'd be a bad poker player because of it lol, i know this is long winded but it feels good writing it, for each emotional hit i noticed it never hurts any less, but i bounce back from it better and faster each time, hopefully spring and summer will allow me to prove and show the new me inside and out so i can walk this wonderful journey called life, and hopefully maybe even meet someone along the way :)

till next log
D.R.

Diet Calendar Entry for 13 April 2011:
1944 kcal Fat: 73.28g | Prot: 83.64g | Carb: 249.24g.   Breakfast: Big N' Toasty Breakfast Sandwich, Fruit Punch. Lunch: Beef Lo Mein, Fruit Punch, Cherry Coke (Can). Dinner: Hungry Man Grilled Bourbon Steak Strips. more...
on diet S4MUS_4R4N's own diet  

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