Beautiful Sunday morning in Bellawood. Mushy and I are cuddled up in the recliner listening to a Bocelli album while enjoying the sound of the chimes from the backyard as our little birdies dine ( cool enough to open the doors and windows and get fresh air in here). Life is good.
Interesting discovery yesterday: I feel more healthy and want to continue feeling 'fit' when I wear form fitting clothes. Not tight jeans but yoga pants and a clingy tank; even when beneath a large overshirt. This may be common knowledge to all others already but it made sense to me why they put the contestants in those midriff sports shirts on TBL when I would have chosen a triple extra large T-shirt hanging to my knees to cover my body. There was some subliminal connection for me along the lines of ‘being proud of the body I have NOW enough to treat it well’ or something like that.
I started watching the A&E series ‘Heavy’ on Amazon the other night hoping to see that ‘spark’ and find that ‘new’ determination I always have the first year. I found it interesting it only followed the program the first six months and then one follow up at eight. I know, it’s one day at a time for me, but I also know for me I’m usually great the first 18 months. It’s now, the 24 plus that get’s sketchy. So the countdown continues to get out of the terrible two's without permanent damage.
I did write down and edit one of the phrases uttered; will probably print & frame it or maybe just write it with a pen on the palm of my hand daily for a while or both. ‘You’ve come too far to fall back to that place of Unhealthy.’ Unhealthy eating, thinking, and approaches. I have. I’ve come so far this time. I want to go farther. I want to continue to heal my disordered eating and find a peaceful balance with my health.
I was actually a little inspired watching the exercise. Not enough to get up and do anything intense because I know my own limitations physically with respect to my right knee and lower back. But I did keep turning off the show to get up and work on a project and walk around town more and I began thinking about finding an exercise buddy or contacting my friend to help me develop a routine. I keep thinking about the movie Outrageous Fortune where Midler used the things in the basement as exercise equipment.
I’ve had three days of ATF under RDI and one full day of mindful eating. I was intrigued to realize last night at the dinner theater just how far I had slipped away from portion control when I initially felt the servings were too small. Walking home I noted how my hunger was satisfied and I was proud of myself. I will remember that feeling.
The dinner theater was the opening production of a local refurbished Historical site. While I love theater, and of course, dinner, I’d had no plans to go because the tickets were expensive. However, my oldest grandson is currently working there as an usher so he scored a free ticket for me. Yay Nana as he could have given that ticket to anyone; his mom, his girlfriend, etc., but he gave it to ME. No wonder I love that kid.
So I dressed up in a new outfit I bought recently that really takes me out of my comfort zone: a knee length knit vest in a tiger print. I wore it over a black turtleneck and leggings and blinged it up with several long stranded necklaces and a metallic statement belt. Color me ‘grounded’ when I tripped on a curb walking to the theater and fell flat on my face. I wasn’t injured. I just ‘picked myself up, dusted myself off, pasted a smile on my face’ and continued.
I’d told BCF of going to the theater, alone, and she’d commented, “you? going alone?’ because she knows it was only a year ago that I finally worked up the nerve to dine out in a restaurant all by myself. So standing in the lobby with a glass of wine and wanting to feign interest in the art failed as there wasn’t any so I had to actually force conversation with strangers. I didn’t do that well; something happens when I’m out of my ‘shop’ element that renders me practically mute and incapable of small talk. But I’m working on it. Another step forward.
So other than that, I get my new desk today. I’ve had an old (but not antique) cheap desk in the shop for several years; the kind where the paper surface had mostly peeled off long ago, one of the drawers was broke, etc. A friend of mine finally decided to sell his beautiful ornate dark cherry classic wood desk at a time when I’d been seeking a ‘statement desk’ for quite some time. I’m finally making small modifications in the shop that are more ‘me’ and less Cutty and that desk was the start. Well, cleaning the dust and cobwebs (seriously, he’d get frantic when I touched ANYthing even though I ran that shop single handed for years… he’d watch on the closed circuit cameras and tell me I was making him nervous so I finally just let the surroundings stay as is) was the start. Adding a few vases of fresh cut and silk flowers was second. Replacing boxes with a chest of drawer to hold inventory was third. And now, my desk.
This probably sounds nuts (nothing new for me though) but I hope the desk isn’t cursed. I say that because the ‘huge gaudy diamond pawn shop ring’ I purchased in Hot Springs with my casino winnings did seem to be cursed. The two months I wore it ~ terrible. Once I sold it, things turned back around.
Then again, maybe they didn’t. I don’t know. I just know right now I’m ready to stick my plumber’s head in the toilet. We finally compromised on his chemical ruining the stainless steel finish of my kitchen sink by him not charging me for the job there but I had him working on TMP to get that water running properly again. He ran a new line Friday and THANKFULLY I went down there yesterday morning because his line upstairs LEAKED and went thru the floor, took out the ceiling tiles in two rooms, indoor pool, etc. At first I thought it was a roof leak because we had a bad storm Friday night but in a moment of stillness I thought ‘what if?’ and went up stairs. You probably heard me dropping F Bombs if you listened closely.
I think that’s it for now. Hope you’re enjoying your Sunday in your world today.
Bells
