Tuesday.
I've been sitting here staring at that word for a while wondering 'why do I start my journals with the day of the week' and the best answer I can have is it helps me stay oriented. But then, every single 'day' of the week seems to have an emotion associated with it, doesn't it? Nothing like 'Monday' to immediately imply 'gah, it's Monday' whereas 'Friday' is like 'Whoohoo... it's Friday'. So .. I can either stop defining my journals or stop letting the day define my mood. Something to consider.
All Things Food? While it hasn't been a complete week, so no 7 day chip or anything like that.. I smiled at myself in the mirror this morning with the realization that I've actually gone through something in my life and not reverted to bad habits.
I committed a balanced action to regain my healthy eating.
Stop yawning. Normal people do this all the time. I've been so far from the neighborhood of normal most of my life even GPS couldn't get me there.
I was reflecting how back in 2006 when I lost that 'spark, enthusiasm and ambition' of my weight loss technique then, repeating what I did in 1995 despite THAT failing too, I would fight the binges back with more disorder. Starve, binge, and purge. Three of my least favorite but best well known dwarfs marching along with hungry, deprived, angry and desperate. But, that didn't work. Binge and purge morphed into starve and binge followed by .. 'well, the hell with it... binge'.
I'd fill the fridge with more low fat, no fat, lean quisine's and try to cut my calories down to 500 or less. And I'd count every single blasted calorie - even a stick of gum. Obsessing, calculating, weighing hourly, and driving myself mad with self hatred and ugly talk in my head.
So for me last week to say 'okay, time to stop this over indulging and reclaim the agenda' and NOT do it with 'I'm not going to eat anything but a can of sauerkraut and a gallon of water daily for a month ::: and yes, I have lost weight doing that in the past but lost a bit of health and sanity with it too ::: was, in my world, a victory.
And to go to dinner Saturday night and not say 'well, it is dinner out...' and use that as another excuse to over indulge with the plan to just 'fast' on Sunday to balance it all out was another victory.
Do I have this perfected? Oh.. far from it. But I do feel much better. I've been terrified... well, terrified is a strong word.. but ... DREADING this part of my journey as I've written so much about how the terrible two's always took me down. I pray daily that the fact that I've not lost weight this time with my old habits will be the healing force to last me the rest of my life.
Or ... as I commented on someone's journal the other day ...
Thank you for stopping to visit with me. Comments always welcome. No restrictions apply. Sorry, we don't take credit cards.
Bella
Saw this today ~ absolutely loved it.
And I liked these thoughts for the day:
