FringyLiz's Journal, 02 July 2014

Tonight I used the pool at the gym, and found just how out of shape I was. I used to be able to swim forever, fast, laps back and forth until they kicked me out. I loved it. Tonight I had to stop, panting, between each lap of the 25m pool. Came up with a mantra "It doesn't matter how slow I go. It doesn't matter how often I have to stop. All that matters is that I start again." It helped. I managed 20 laps before they closed.

The real challenge, however, was the change room. There they are lined up, all slender and athletic and gorgeous with graceful arms and powerful legs and six packs that go for days. And here I am, with my pot belly and my chicken arms and my double butt (think double chin but lower) and my love handles. I didn't want anyone to see me, especially not these bronzed greek goddesses with their perfect bodies. Just the thought of facing them in my plus-sized bathing suit was almost enough to keep me home.

But you know what? Even if I didn't go, I'd still be fat. Whether or not they see me, it doesn't change the underlying reality. The only way to change the reality is go to the gym. So I can stay home and still be fat, or even get fatter. Or I can try to fix the reality, face the gym, and someday soon have a body I can be proud of again.

I want to be comfortable in my skin again. I want my favourite clothes to fit again. I want the self-image I have in my head from the days before I got sick and put on all this weight to be what's here in reality again. I want these things a lot more than I want the junk food that put me here. And nothing worth having comes cheap.

I can do this. I'll be back at the gym tomorrow. And the next day. And the rest of my life, because it's part of who I want to be.

Diet Calendar Entry for 02 July 2014:
1061 kcal Fat: 58.34g | Prot: 101.17g | Carb: 26.63g.   Breakfast: Trader Joe's Wild Nova Smoked Sockeye Salmon, Red Rain Diet Red Rain. Lunch: Red Rain Diet Red Rain, Calavo Caliente Recipe Guacamole. Dinner: Atkins Advantage Cafe Caramel Shake, Pork Chops or Roasts (Center Rib, Boneless). Snacks/Other: Tap Water, Tap Water, Tap Water. more...
on diet FringyLiz's own diet  

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Comments 
You ARE doing this! 
02 Jul 14 by member: Kris AZ
Awesome thinking!! 
02 Jul 14 by member: wholefoodnut
nice effort!  
03 Jul 14 by member: Revaudrey
even a slow swim for 30 minutes burns a decent amount of calories! be sure to log your time - its worth something!!!  
03 Jul 14 by member: kristyanne3
I agree with Wholefood / it's the kind of thinking that'll get you ahead. You could have chose the line of thought that would keep you home, in your joggers eating junk and feeling sorry for yourself. But you didn't. It doesn't matter what others are doing. Like a horse, put your blinders on and focus on your road, your destiny and where you want to be. (seems you know that already - Kudos)  
03 Jul 14 by member: NowIunderstand
I'm so thankful that my gym has individual changing rooms. It sucks if you're in a hurry and need to change quickly because there's usually a line but I can change clothes without worrying about what I look like to someone else. 
03 Jul 14 by member: ReneefromLA
Even if you can't swim as fast or as easily as you used to, remember that you're still lapping everyone who chose to stay home that day! Way to go!  
03 Jul 14 by member: Sweeet2th

     
 

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