FullaBella's Journal, 23 April 2014

Wednesday ~ April 23rd. No big news, bragging rights or confessions. I feel like I've lived on the internet the past two days cleaning up garbage. Either some stupid web crawler or opportunistic bottom feeder linked the website to THEIR online business with MY physical shop information. So, people who would look me up and find me online then think 'oh, how convenient.. here's the website. No reason to go in person.'

Yesterday I'd had enough of customers walking in being aggravated that I didn't have 'what my website claimed I had' so I've been busy claiming and editing the many (at least 150 sites so far) out there.

So while I was at it I googled myself (okay, I guess that sounds tacky enough to warrant a confession) and discovered I'm apparently employed by the corporation that took over the corporation from which I retired three years ago. Where's my paycheck, folks? Ahh, artificial intelligence. There are just no words for it ... at least none that I can use in print in my journal without hash marks replacing my sentences.

So guess what happens when you roast a turkey and a chicken together on the same night? Your dog goes crazy. Or at least, mine did. She kept sniffing and randomly barking at me in between whimpering and giving me the most horrid 'stink eye'. You'd think I made her wait 'til noon on Christmas day to unwrap presents or something. I think she was more relieved to see those birds come out of the oven than I was. More 'good, nutritious food' for my 'need something in a hurry' eating options.

I was thinking about something just now reading a PM from a dear friend here and I almost posed the question there but thought I'd put it here and get a wider range of answers. So here goes, all of my dear friends. Survey time.

Do you think we have been so brainwashed by the younger and thinner models year after year that subliminally we connect thinner and smaller with youth? Like shaving off another size or two equates to being younger and living longer? That after a couple of decades of staring at the faces of teenage waifs on the covers of magazines and TV, we no longer feel comfortable in our own skin at any age? (( And yes, I know not all of my friends here are as old as me but I think most of are at least in your twenties ... nearly 10 years older than the average runway model. ))

Anyway, just a thought.

I love how the conversations here spark thoughts and learning. And in case you really don't believe how much I read and appreciate your comments on my journal the following will prove (I do).

Yo asked me about my reference to the 'bulletproof' breakfast yesterday and how it compares to bulletproof coffee.

For me, personally, it was just a phrase I use when I figure out which foods 'last longer' satisfying my hunger. I chuckled at how the thought of 'liver and onions' is an appetite suppressant for many. I understand. But I have found it stays with me longer throughout the day than any other food.

It's very hard for me to not do my usual 'overboard OCD' thing and eat it every day. Then again, it'd probably be good for bringing up my blood count and turning my anemia around. I 'don't' eat it every day because it's hard to eat anything else that day ~ and I'm just not sure right now if it would be enough nutrition for me.

But wondering about how I used that phrase, bulletproof, I googled (again, twice in one week... sorry) and there actually IS a bulletproof diet. Who knew? So much to read and compare now ~ a quick cursory look at it would seem I've been doing that all along, or at least, the past year or so when I finally accepted that there is such a thing as 'good fat'. That was a HARD one for me as MY generation is trying to recover from the 'fat free, low fat, no fat, fat is bad' blah blah brainwashing cr*p. I still shudder thinking about all those egg yolks I tossed down the sink.

Anyway ~ ATF is fine, I'm trusting F2MC is still happening and I just emailed Dr. May of EWYL and thanked her again for her philosophy being the core of my daily eating plan. She'd just posted an article about 'dieting arrogance' - it was interesting. I'll share it later or tomorrow if anyone else is interested or ... LOL... feels too shy too google it themselves.

Have a wonderful day, my friends.


Diet Calendar Entries for 23 April 2014:
1884 kcal Fat: 85.05g | Prot: 141.32g | Carb: 144.34g.   Breakfast: Milk (2% Lowfat with Added Vitamin A), Spectrum Organic Virgin Coconut Oil, Coffee-Mate Sugar Free Hazelnut Liquid Coffee Creamer, Nature's Best Zero Carb Isopure Drink - Mango Peach, Mission Flour Tortillas (Fajita Size), Turkey, Albertsons Onion & Chive Cream Cheese. Dinner: Kraft Stove Top Stuffing Mix For Turkey, Giblet Gravy, Chicken Breast, Turkey Meat. Snacks/Other: Chocolate Chips. more...
3005 kcal Activities & Exercise: Standing - 3 hours, Sitting - 3 hours, Sleeping - 7 hours and 30 minutes, Housework - 1 hour, Shopping - 1 hour, Desk Work - 5 hours, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 2 hours, Driving - 30 minutes, Resting - 1 hour. more...

4 Supporters    Support   

Is this a double jeopardy question? Me... losing the weight doesn't make me younger, (though I find myself thinking differently and younger) but the hope is to live longer not carrying around the excess weight, getting off the meds and learning to eat well. And I think I've got a few years on you dearie.  
23 Apr 14 by member: ClassicRocker
When I was a teen I had set unattainable goals for myself. I wanted to be one hundred pounds with porcelain skin and get attention. I would have sold my soul for it. I wanted to look like this girls in the stupid music videos that all the guys wanted a piece of. I never got a lot of positive attention from guys, not even my father or uncles so I guess you could say I was starving to be considered attractive... literally. I always failed, my skin would never cooperate and I wanted to feed my feeling of inadequacy more than I wanted to be thin I guess. This landed me knocked up by a twenty something year old man when I was sixteen, and you pretty much know the rest from there. I dont think I associate thin with young, and I truly am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. It really never had much to do with the weight, I reckon. I think the cuts were much deeper than that. I have noticed, however, that my ten year old daughter likes to compare herself to the girls in magazines and child celebs. Its disheartening when she says negative things about herself. Im doing the best I can, and make sure she knows that both her father and step father love her very much. Amazingly enough my brother still plays with her sometimes, and I know that means a lot to a young girls confidence. Now that my comment is longer than your journal I will wrap it up by thanking you for the bulletproof explanation :-). All things in moderation though, right :-) 
23 Apr 14 by member: Yolanda9179
I was wondering about the 'bulletproof coffee' thing too, and when I, *ahem* googled it myself, I found this Tibetan drink with coffee some kind of fancy MCT stuff (some kind of coconut oil?) and butter. Looks... strange... Might be good but we have to remember we're not all chillin' in the mountains around here, and could probably forgo the extra butter calories in our morning muds. I didn't think the Tibetan thing was what you were mix up, was it, Bella? 
23 Apr 14 by member: megmonster
I agree with Classic on that one...I wanted this weight off so I could live a longer life, with a better quality of life. :) That being said, I am in my 40's and a grandmother...I do not WANT to look like I'm 20..I am comfortable in who I am. I think right now, I look better than I did at 25...a confidence, an acceptance of the beauty I have, maybe? :) 
23 Apr 14 by member: notjune1
I stumbled across this web site just this morning,I'm happy to give it go, share progress with other like minded people wanting to acheive a common weight loss goal. I lost 27kg in 10 months 8 1/2 years ago (aged 40) following weightwatches points (not as a member). I realised that over eating was psychological, and after losing the weight, I then gave up a 25 year smoking habit. Here I am again, neally nine years later, and unfortuneatly by dropping my guard I have put 13kgs back on, fortunely I have not taken up smoking again. My life is starting to take on new changes with my husband and I, back to just being about us again, with our two sons now ageds 18 and neally 21, I'm finding things are a bit more sedintary. I'm nibbling my way back up the scales, and now being at the helm of a recently aquired Treadmill, I'm ready to get refoucused and challenge myself, with your support, to do my best to at least be at my required weight for height, I'm currently the dreaded 13 kg over:( TIME TO MAKE A CONCIOUS EFFORT- EVERY JOURNEY BEGINS WITH A SINGLE STEP. 
23 Apr 14 by member: nibblelessnat
The more I lose weight/gain I often reflect on my younger days of when I was considered skinny and in some cases frail (my nickname was Annie and I was like hey guys I'm bulimic not anorexic). But it is not an unhealthy reflection of wanting to be my former size or weight. It's more a realization that even though I was a certain size and weight I was still unhappy, suffered from low self esteem, was not satisfied and felt I could always lose 10lbs more. So my answer is no I don't associate weight loss or gain with any age. I know I want to lose more weight. But I want to feel fit and healthy and that's something I've never experienced. My mother once told me my first sentence was "Ma hurt!" and that I would point to every spot on my body. Thanks for the flashback Bella. Great topic. I hope your website gets straight and yes go pick up all your back pay. :)  
23 Apr 14 by member: ChicaLean
Evening Bells, sounds like you had another contemplative day! As for me I don't equate youth with weight, mainly because most of my youth (age 8 - 20, & 26 - 38) I was chubby. I generally associate slim with health. I truly believe you begin to accept yourself when you hit the 4th decade, and that is the saving grace of getting older is that you hopefully get wiser. Please do share the "Dieting Arrogance" article...sounds intriguing.  
23 Apr 14 by member: Josie Ann
Interesting question... I think we do associate 'thin' with youth... Not that I am either... And don't want to be - to much hassle lol. What a pain, cleaning up internet garbage - hope it's all sorted now... As for googling yourself. I think we've all done it at some time lol 
24 Apr 14 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
I don't know about there by you...but I am now shocked to see how many young people here in the UK are now very overweight - so I don't really see it as a young/old thing....I also see models etc as a form of fantasy like the movies - you see it, it seems believable but you know it is all smoke and mirrors..... 
24 Apr 14 by member: triaby
yes realities are that if you starve yourself or make yourself throw up and keep a thin body that is acceptable. Well I know that I will never be a size one cause my frame work just won't have it. I do love myself and if I lose the weight I know that in the end I will gain a few more years and take some of the strain off my heart after all the resent test results that I got but I just think that people need to understand that size 8/10 isn't the normal.  
24 Apr 14 by member: cyd69
Cyd69 in the end you will be a size one dear... horizontal and three feet under... but it will be a size one!!! (*lol*) 
24 Apr 14 by member: puhpine
Love the pictures at the end! Sorry you are having so many web issues! Hopefully you have most or all of it resolved by now! 
24 Apr 14 by member: Bkeller1023
What a pain in the posterior having to disentangle your website. Don't you wish you could shoot that person? Glad your ATF is going well and that you have no issues around that. Re the weight loss/aging question - I personally don't equate wanting to be a smaller size with wanting to be younger. It just never crossed my mind. I really don't know why I want to be thinner. Isn't that funny? If I think about it now, quickly, on the fly, it is to feel better about myself. But it isn't working. Demons follow you no matter your size. And that is a fact I am only now really embracing - that being thinner doesn't fix anything. Bugger, I still got work to do :)  
24 Apr 14 by member: sarahsmum
Thanks everyone for ~ Cathy, I am not sure if it was DJ or just me rambling late afternoon running the clock out before my massage. I guess I just try to be very aware of WHAT I want when I think I'm going after something... and am applying it to other things in life besides Food. WITH Food, for example, I've broken down the thing I think I want (Dairy Queen Beltbuster (burger) with cheese - but realized I was just craving the grilled onions with mustard... didn't really care about the rest.) Another example: pizza. When I'm craving pizza I realized I really just want cheese; not the dough or processed greasy ick stuff. It's helped me get the THING I was w/o using the rest for the vehicle.  
24 Apr 14 by member: FullaBella
Oops - hit tab and enter too soon... SOOO ... when I keep thinking 'how I want to look' and being disappointed that my IRL doesn't look like I feel... I wondered 'what is it I'm seeking?' OKay, I've been raised with decades of supermodels and covergirls portraying the image of what women should look like... so what is it about THAT image that I'm trying to achieve. What is the common denominator. THIN ... YOUNG ... great skin, light, etc. I was just messing around in my own mind and wondered if anyone else felt the same. I DONT think losing weight will make me younger, look younger, feel younger. I was just wondering if that's the equation for anyone else ala THIN is also now ALWAYS young on magazine covers... and are or were you subconsciously hoping to attain the same. There has to be something going on that most of us are never satisfied with our appearance at any weight.  
24 Apr 14 by member: FullaBella
there are gorgeous old women out there too, try to find 5 woman in your agegroup that you really think are attractive and THEN write down their common factors...  
24 Apr 14 by member: puhpine


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