DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 23 April 2014

So I got to thinking today.. my preteen and I seem to be at a communication impass. I ask for things to be done and she ignores me.. or does them so badly I stop asking her. Then theres the attitude.. and the emotions.. and me attempting not to strangle her. Then there's the yelling. The groundings. Finally last night I took away her ipod FOREVER. She was disrespectful to the farm hand and told him he couldn't tell her what to do. He's an adult.. he did her chores for her and in exchange asked her to push some loose hay into a cart. Not slave labor.. she backtalked and didn't do it. So? She was already grounded a month and a half from the ipod because she kept extending how long she lost it for attitude, being disrespectful, and just plain doing things she shouldn't do.. so I took it away. FOREVER. She doesn't get it. She keeps asking what she can do to earn it back. Not that she's done anything in attempt to earn it back in the last month and a half.

So I decided to look for a few books to give me an idea on some different ways for us to communicate. I've tried a few. The hard you do what you're told, asking what she needed from me to help her behave, the reward system.. *snort* but she never got to the reward... She's smart, create, and stubborn as crap. After looking for a few books... I'm now convinced the human race is going down the crapper.

Seriously?!?! "Reduce your teenagers stress.", "How to keep the baby girl in your teenager.", "Don't let your emotions rule your teenagers life."

Where are the books "A monster ate my daughter and turned her into a teenager." "How to deal with backtalk in a way that won't land you in prison." ?????? What the heck?? I was scared to death my parents would beat me to death if I pulled any of this crap and they never really touched me.. I just knew they could! Now I'm suppose to talk calmly and reasonably and explore my daughters emotions when I ask her why she disrespected an adult or went into my room and took my things without permission? No... I'm taking away Ipods. FOREVER! They say you can't beat your child anymore. No one said anything about Ipods, fancy shoes, or cool clothes. Next step.. potato sacks with baler twine for a belt. That's probably abuse too.. they might be rough on her skin. *smacking head*

Diet Calendar Entry for 23 April 2014:
360 kcal Fat: 20.00g | Prot: 16.00g | Carb: 30.00g.   Breakfast: Kwik Trip Sunrise Breakfast Pizza. more...

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Comments 
Meh, I still beat mine. Maybe get a paintball gun and just start shooting her whenever she opens her mouth. I feel for ya, my preteen has an attitude larger than life... bracing myself for a rough ride.  
23 Apr 14 by member: Yolanda9179
Supersoakers aren't abusive right? I'm just tired of feeling like I'm talking to a wall. Nothing seems to soak in.. maybe a supersoaker would help it soak in. 
23 Apr 14 by member: DairyFarmersWife
Supersoakers are not abuse! I don't have teens yet, but when my son was 2 and throwing a throw yourself kicking screaming tantrum we stuck him in the tub and turned the shower on him. . . he never threw a tantrum again. You probably can't wrestle her in the shower right now, but a supersoaker could help (and I'm going to file that away for when my daughter is a teen! boys don't seem as mouthy) 
23 Apr 14 by member: skirch97
I commend you for taking her iPod away. I was a teacher and saw parents coddle their children to an extreme. I remember hearing about parents who took the door off the room their daughter slept in because she needed to earn privacy, it wasn't a right in her parents' house. 
23 Apr 14 by member: Kris AZ
Supersoaker... love it! Put ice cubes in the water chamber for a 'super' reaction lol. I also love the earning privacy idea. Drfunitely going on my idea list 
23 Apr 14 by member: Yolanda9179
what ever you say you are going to do, do it, and don't go back on it, stay strong on your word, so they know that you mean what you say and do what you say. 
23 Apr 14 by member: karenromiaih2002
Challenge her to a paintball gun duel. If she hits you, she gets one point towards earning back her Ipod (50 points); if you hit her, she must treat you and all adults with respect for 1 day. Should she fail in that one day of respect, you send her to boarding school, voila! Seriously, stick to your guns (not literally); demanding respect and teaching her consequences will keep her from becoming a wild-child (as evidenced by my wild, misspent youth, lol). Hmm, could she be going through early puberty? Good luck. 
23 Apr 14 by member: crabby Kat
Mine is almost 21 and I am counting the days until she turns 25 and becomes a human again. She has been a total little s##t since the age of 15 and is more obnoxious than ever. I am told about age 25 they are tolerable again.  
23 Apr 14 by member: notjune1
It took me until 30 to realize how smart my mother was! 
23 Apr 14 by member: Kris AZ
I got some good advice from a Meg Meeker book. I pray for my daughter almost every day and I am sure it helps. Pray also for yourself that you can see the good in her, that has helped me a lot to deal with some of the not-so-good. 
23 Apr 14 by member: sjoanis
Been there, and my daughter still has those moments but she's 12 now and has been easier to deal with than a couple of years ago, just more silly. My hubby told the kids that every day they don't do chores this summer they're doing push-ups and running with him. I have a feeling they'll all be in really good shape! I was a horrible teenager to my parents, so I'm not expecting any different from my daughter. Good luck!! 
23 Apr 14 by member: mars2kids
Unfortunately I am guessing she feels the same way about you. Unable to communicate successfully.  
23 Apr 14 by member: jparlett
I've got four kids ages 11-20 (three daughters). I recently sent two off to college, two more to go:) It's a challenge, no doubt!! What jumps out at me here is the word FOREVER.....maybe because you typed it in all caps:)) Seriously that's an impossible word to enforce. We all say it but we seldom mean it. Consistency and follow through with reasonable punishments when necessary and learn to ignore the small stuff so you don't come across as a nag because then they just tune you out. Oh, my favorite thing to say when I don't like what I heard....."I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What was that again?".....99 percent of the time they just say, "nothing".  
23 Apr 14 by member: Kathy-Revisited
Good luck to ya is all I can say. I had the sweetest, kindest, most helpful 12 year old girl on the planet back in 1998. I swear one night the pod people came and replaced her in her sleep. If you figure out how to survive this stage and re-establish a healthy relationship please publish a how-to book -- you'll become independently wealthy. I've got a good relationship with her now, but that didn't start up again until she was in her early 20's. Even though we really do have a good relationship now, I find comfort in ( and a little guilt for doing so!) knowing she'll have to deal with a tween of her very own one day. 
23 Apr 14 by member: Sciguy77
You're doing a fine job at parenting. There is NO book that will ever tell you the right way with dealing with it. I am not a parent, but I did raise my nephew for 7 years. And he was a smart mouth. It was to the point he had NOTHING. And yet it didn't seem to ever bother him. I even made him shovel horse poop. Yep, nothing nada didn't care. I agree human race going down the crapper. Because of that I don't know if I ever want kids haha. Good luck to you! 
23 Apr 14 by member: riyankee
Give it time... about ... 10 years... it'll work itself out :-) Sorry - wish I could tell you something else. Teenagers.  
23 Apr 14 by member: FullaBella
My parents did not go to this extreme, but they would have. Stripped my room bare except mattress & linens, and a few outfits (like 3). For every day I was not a tool, I would get something back. Other wise, bare essentials. & if I started acting up again, I would lose stuff I just asked for...My mom played hardball. I was TV obsessed. I started another fire and she took EVERY TV in the house and put it in her trunk and disabled the main TV in the living room. Every day for a month, she annexed all the TV's. It did not stop my fire obsession, but I learned to be more careful with getting caught. LOL As I got older, friends and going out were my weakness. So she allowed free reign with hanging with friends as long as my grades were A's & B's. I get a C, no more after school hangouts, or sleepovers for the rest of the semester. & she stuck too it. Find her weakness & exploit it! :-)  
24 Apr 14 by member: jessabridge4444
I know this is becoming more and more unpopular, but I think that beating a disrespectful child is ok. Obviously to an extend - no need to elaborate further here - but all this thing of parents being judged because they beat their kids when they misbehave really makes me mad.  
24 Apr 14 by member: Chickturu
I am on the other side of this now and feel so sorry for you. My daughter is now 27 and has 4 daughters of her own....I am sitting back and praying she doesn't get back what she gave times 4. Odds are not in her favor. :) Hang in there and stay strong! I love the titles you came up with, maybe you can write the books. 
24 Apr 14 by member: Ditty330
When I was a kid, my mother took EVERY. SINGLE. THING. OUT. OF. MY. BEDROOM except for the bed & I had to earn everything back with good behavior. And if I was really rude or didn't do homework or anything, then the next day, she had my clothes all laid out for me but if I was helpful to my sisters or got a good grade I got to pick out my own clothes. It was both terrible and MEMORABLE. And to this day, I have no idea where she was storing my stuff. 
24 Apr 14 by member: ThatQuietGirl9

     
 

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