FullaBella's Journal, 19 April 2014

Saturday - April 19th. Yesterday was so off the charts insane eating for me and all of the good strong practices I’ve put in place it’s definitely a day worthy of examining.

I’d had Easter Candy in the shop to hand out to customers and had one ‘carrot shaped bag of Whopper’s mini easter eggs’ left for the postal carrier and when he didn’t show by 2pm I decided to eat them myself. CRAZY! I stopped being the ‘clean up’ gal or eating ‘just because it’s there’ long ago. I ate the entire bag. Yes, they were good. Each and every last little speckled egg.

Then I decided very spontaneously to go to a movie after closing the shop and suddenly lost my mind on how to eat something ‘quick’. The fact that I felt the NEED to eat, period, was ridiculous as it was - it was just a couple of hours at a movie, not a 3 hour tour to Gilligan’s Island.

But despite my normal plan of grabbing some almonds and a babybel cheese to toss in my bag ‘just in case’ I had a blood sugar episode (esp after the candy) I stopped (go ahead, make the face) at one of those gas stations ‘with a kitchen’ and got a chicken, bacon, cheese ranch flatbread.

Yes, not the worst thing I could have picked up as I was surrounded by corndogs, pizza and oh my donuts, donuts, donuts but the fact that I did that was just weird and baffling. Sugar coma high from the easter eggs?

What followed was so weird, out of control, and so ‘the old me’ that… well… I’d make some reference about modern day resurrection but I think my snarky sense of humor would earn me a blasphemy criticism or two.

I started eating it while driving to the theater (another big no no for me - eating while driving) and then finished it off, in the car, quickly, after pulling into a parking space.

I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror - cheeks puffed out with a mouth far too full to be enjoying every single bite. Again, it tasted good … but mindful eating went out the window as my mission was to ‘hurry and finish’ rather than ‘pause and reflect on my hunger’.

Then, as I was slipping something into the center console to get it out of direct view, I found an old half eaten protein bar. At least 3-4 weeks old. Had forgotten it was still there. Was I still hungry? Not likely as I was still chewing the last of that wad of flatbread in my mouth. Did that matter? No. Dried out, half melted, shoved it in my mouth while still chewing other food.

What was this mission to EAT, to eat FAST, to eat as if I’d never get a chance to eat ever AGAIN? I don’t know.

None of that stopped me from having a small bag of buttered popcorn once I went in but I did have water instead of a soda. And when Grace mentioned going to dinner after the movie I took a raincheck. By then I’d regained my senses.

CRAZY day!

I took a few minutes yesterday to review a few older journals and was dismayed to read so many talking about butter. Butter, butter, butter. I don’t know how y’all do it. How you came here day after day and read that repetitive theme. Nonetheless, bless you. The butter has definitely calmed and I haven’t had a 3M (midnight munching madness) in a very long time. So, more improvement.

So hopefully examining yesterday, putting it out in print and giving it attention for remembering a better way to handle ‘whatever it was’ I was handling will stop it from becoming a recurring theme.

Trade show today so time to get up and around. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

Bella

Diet Calendar Entries for 19 April 2014:
2348 kcal Fat: 135.77g | Prot: 136.87g | Carb: 162.82g.   Breakfast: The Biggest Loser Celery Sticks, Jif To Go Crunchy Peanut Butter, Laughing Cow Mini Babybel Original Cheese, Pork Barbecue Sandwich or Sloppy Joe on Bun, Fresh Pork Sausage, Egg, Mission Flour Tortillas (Fajita Size), Coffee-Mate Sugar Free Caramel Macchiato Coffee Creamer, Spectrum Organic Virgin Coconut Oil, Milk (2% Lowfat with Added Vitamin A). Lunch: Prime Rib, Tomatoes, Marie's Yogurt Dressing - Ranch. Snacks/Other: Cheddar Cheese, Campbell's Classic Chicken Noodle Soup, Schwan's Triple Berry Blend, Bob's Red Mill Chia Seed, Yoplait Greek 100 Yogurt - Strawberry Cheesecake, Quaker Old Fashioned Oats. more...
3463 kcal Activities & Exercise: Weight Training (moderate) - 1 hour, Sitting - 2 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Shopping - 1 hour, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 7 hours, Sleeping - 9 hours, Standing - 2 hours. more...

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Comments 
Wow, you did have a day of crazy eating. I'm so happy it is in the past. And no judgment here at all as I went off the deep end and did not stop eating from Friday until after 3am today. I know what triggered my situation. I hope you can find what caused yours. It helps knowing and then being better prepared to ward off the next attack. Thank goodness for fresh starts. Have a great day, we all can do this! 
19 Apr 14 by member: ChicaLean
Sugar is one hell of a drug, Bella. A small overindulgence often spirals me way out of control, throwing handfuls of whatever I can find in my mouth. It usually starts with something emotional though, it sparks a craving that turns into a frenzy. It also doesn't help that the sugar spike leaves me feeling like I'm starving after it's all put away. Glad you regained your senses while watching the movie, and was able to move forward from there. I made some poor choices yesterday evening that involved red's strawberry ale, and ordering subs from a pizza place. Wasn't as bad as it could have been, but bad enough in my opinion. Here is to a fresh start for both of us. I had a good chuckle thinking about you this morning. I woke up and immediately went to get a bottle of water, but the case of water was still in the back of my SUV. It had been there for three days, because I was waiting for the husband to carry it in for me lol. I man'ed up, and brought it in this morning, thinking of you carrying more than one at a time. I hope you have a great day! 
19 Apr 14 by member: Annabelle3117
If you were (taking yourself) on a date, would you have eaten in the car on the way to the movie? You always have thought-provoking journals. I've been away too long! I have been taking my home made energy bars to the gym for a snack after Zumba. I froze them in snack size bags, two bars to a bag, so I can replenish my energy on the way home, save me from temptation . Two days ago I stopped to buy bottled water at an outlet grocery, and left with a package of totally chocolate Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. Ate one on the way home. I ate the second energy bar after I got home. Sigh. Is it a form of Spring Fever?  
19 Apr 14 by member: crabby Kat
It's that rotten first one. If Ican avoid the first one, I find the others easier to refuse. 
19 Apr 14 by member: northernmusician
Oh Bella I'm still fighting that every other day or so, and it isn't that I'm glad you went through it, but I AM glad that it isn't just me that feels this way, even if it is me that feels this way so often! It gives me hope that I will get better at this, and further, I will get through and that one day isn't the end of it all. Thank you for sharing, just knowing no one else does it perfectly either is surprisingly reassuring.  
19 Apr 14 by member: CollyMP
Hope your trade show went well. :) 
19 Apr 14 by member: Deb_N
Every day is a series of the decisions and the minute we think its easy or we have something under control we are reminded how very very hard it is to make them all perfectly. A few misspent moments...minimal consequences and you've done an excellent time reflecting and regrouping. Hope the show went well.  
19 Apr 14 by member: sharonfriz
Def a crazy day... Funny how sometimes we just 'stuff' our faces... Chew (briefly) and swallow. No hint of savouring the taste of the food and enjoying it. Ah well, it is what it is... At least we recognise it now and tomorrow is another day. Have a good Easter x 
20 Apr 14 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Bella...I can TOTALLY relate. Completely fell off the wagen this weekend too, with two birthdays ( my husband followed by my son's) and then Easter dinner. Just two days before the end of my "no white stuff" One-derland Lent/Easter Challenge. If I'm going to blow it, my logic is to blow it it proper style. Tomorrow is a new day and time to renew those healthy habits once again. Good luck as you do the same. 
20 Apr 14 by member: egdw
I like the humor you are able to attached to your situation. Your description put a smile on my face because it creates such a visual image for me! We've all been there with a crazy day. It is hard since once eat something sinful then it is easy to say "well I already blew today so might as well enjoy it." But the fact you at the dried out energy bar says it was just to enjoy GOOD food but to eat ANY food! I enjoy your journal entries and humor. Glad you got the roller coaster stopped and are moving on.  
21 Apr 14 by member: RugratX2
Boy you are a lightweight compared to my indulgences this past weekend. But that's okay I spend Monday night beating myself up instead of sleeping so it is behind me...at least for a few more hours. I love that you described it in such detail. If I tried to describe what I'm doing these days it would crash the FS site. Well maybe not that bad but I want the happy in charge me to come back. Not the one that has to eat what is in front of me.  
22 Apr 14 by member: Neptunebch

     
 

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