Ruhu's Journal, 28 March 2014

So, just as I bask in the improvement of my relationship with DH, he does something to annoy me, so mind if I vent? Of course you don't, cuz thats just how you are…. and once again, lucky me!

DH works about 30 minutes away (although it can take up to an hour to get there & home during rush hours), and usually leaves for work at about 7ish am, and returns home between 7-8 pm, but his hours vary widely depending on how busy it is, and he also travels depending on the deals. It's rarely not very busy, though. Yesterday, at about 3:30, he walks in the door unannounced that he could or was coming home early and says "I'm checking up on you & DS". He has done this before many times, and knows I don't like it. I ask him if it's too much trouble to tell me in advance that he'll be home early. I tell him that this is & has been my "workplace" for the last 20+ years Mon-Fri, and ask if he'd like it if I showed up unannounced at his office to check up on him? He said "to lighten up" it was just a joke. I said it may have been funny the first 10 times, but wasn't anymore, and that if he somehow felt I wasn't trustworthy or was curious about what I'm doing anytime, all he had to do was ask. Obviously, our communication still is a work-in-progress. I gave hime the silent treatment for just a little while yesterday to make my point, but all is good again & I know in the scheme of things, it's a minor thing. But, it is something that bothers me, so I wanted to make that clear.

Should it bother me? Is it my own insecurity over the wonderful life I have and have had, & know is partly because of how hard he works? My therapist keeps telling me I don't give myself enough credit for all I've done for our family which has allowed him to focus on his career, but I struggle thinking of it that way… probably because being a mom, while hard work, was the best thing for me & I've always felt so lucky to have the "career" of my dreams… in my mind, the best possible way to live my life. Yes, there were tough times -- moving when the boys were young, raising them on my own much of the time as he worked long hours & traveled, but again it was truly what I was meant to do & have never wanted to trade my life for any other. DH, though too, lived the life he choose. I never wanted to leave Cincy in the first place. When the promotions started coming, taking us away from my family & friends there, I wanted him to take lateral moves if thats what it took to stay in Cincy. His career was too important to him, which I accepted & made the best of each new location and found ways to deal with living away from those I loved.

Hence, where we are today -- physically & emotionally. Anyway, just journaling about it here makes me feel better already, and more accepting & appreciating my own feelings around the unannounced early arrivals home. So, I think what's next in order is to talk more about it to DH, as we work toward a better relationship with more open communication. We may have another date night on Sat, and if we do, guess what I'll be bringing up? Today, he's off to Chicago for the day… think he'll let me know when he'll be home?!?

I'm off to tennis later this morning, and then whatever I choose to do this afternoon. There's always household chores & book work, but a shopping trip might be in order. We have no plans for the weekend:), except that I'm having dinner Sun night with a few girlfriends for a birthday, so might just have to get out for a birthday gift, and who knows what else I might see along the way? Just as journaling is so therapeutic, shopping is another wonderful form! But first, I'll pray --

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

And I'll continue to pray, breathe, log, journal & express my way through this one day, and each one meal, moment, bite, thought & emotion. I'm so very grateful for each of exceptional you, my family & IRL friends, more open communication with DH even though its hard at times, the calm before the severe rain storms we're getting this weekend, hot bulletproof coffee, and having the health & wealth to live this life I absolutely love! xoxox

Diet Calendar Entries for 28 March 2014:
1341 kcal Fat: 49.98g | Prot: 110.84g | Carb: 131.35g.   Breakfast: Lactaid 100% Lactose Free Fat Free Milk, Spectrum Naturals Organic Coconut Oil, Harmless Harvest 100% Raw Coconut Water, Primal Nutrition Primal Fuel - Vanilla Coconut Creme. Lunch: Primal Nutrition Primal Fuel - Chocolate Coconut, Lactaid 100% Lactose Free Fat Free Milk. Dinner: Wegmans Autumn Roasted Vegetables, Chicken or Turkey Vegetable Soup (Home Recipe), Berries. Snacks/Other: Ralphs Whole Raw Almonds, Mann's Sunny Shores Rainbow Salad, Whole Foods Market Avocado Vinaigrette Dressing, Evolve Greek Kefir. more...
1939 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 14 hours and 30 minutes, Tennis - 1 hour and 30 minutes. more...
on diet Ruhu's own diet  

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Comments 
If my husband gets off early, he just comes home. No need to call me. If he goes away, he would probably let me know if he's coming back early. I think it depends on the dynamics of your relationship. Maybe your husband just wanted to surprise you in a nice a way. If he's a controlling type person and likes to know where you are and what you are doing all day, then that would worry me. If he's just joking about checking up on you, then no big deal. But if it's important to you, then you have a right to speak up. There is no one answer fits all to a relationship and relationships are hard. 
28 Mar 14 by member: Suzi161
Ruhu that's tough; I'm very much like you and that would totally bother me, but my DH just doesn't get it. You'd think if you tell him it bothers you and just ask him to give you the notice he would do it, but he won't! I think it has to do more with my anxiety and need for order or control, and my need to plan and not be surprised, to keep me sane. I have found myself wondering how you deal with these "surprise" situations because you really seem calm and grounded. (whereas I explode). It makes sense that he could just call, it's so easy! But he won't and maybe we have to let go of trying to change that? So it's up to you to I say accept, but change the interpretation maybe. Just because you would never do that, especially if he asked you not to, and you would probably just do what he asked you to do, because you are conscientious, he probably will not do the same, but he is not doing it out of spite. If you were to do that it would be with intent. But with him, the intent is different; there is not intent, and the sense of humor is different. . . . I see thing very black or white, so to me, if you run over someone with your car and they're dead, versus you ran into them by accident and they are dead, is the same thing. But we can still see that they are still different. Ok; enough of my (unedited) rambling. My point is he's not trying to run into you! And not everyone has the sensitive, deep, old soul you have! 
28 Mar 14 by member: Tulipgirl6
Husbands, go figure. Maybe early is better than late? 
28 Mar 14 by member: Helewis
Sent you a PM :-) 
28 Mar 14 by member: FullaBella
DH and I both show up unannounced sometimes. Maybe now that you have told him it bothers you he will call. And it is his house too so not sure if it warrants calling before walking in the door. Communication and trust is key and you are being open about your feelings which is great! Keep up your hard work. I am inspired by you!  
28 Mar 14 by member: Neptunebch
I completely understand. I work from home and I work from 5am until typically 2:30 (yesterday was 4:30pm). I have a home office and I log into a terminal server and I work all day. So when I am done at 2:30 or so then I am not done working. I make the bed, do some cleaning, run some errands, do some laundry and then start dinner at around 5pm. In between all that time if I get a minute to sit and rest then I do and I schedule my errands and things around the fact that DH will be home around 5:10pm. SO when he comes home early unannounced it irritates me. It irritates me because I do plan the rest of my afternoon and what I have to do around being done at 5pm. For me it is a bit inconsiderate when he does that because I have told him that is how I plan my day. I need a little rest time in there because I still stay up until 9:30 or 10pm with him and then I get up at 4:30am to do it all over again.  
28 Mar 14 by member: jaime30024

     
 

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