FullaBella's Journal, 15 February 2014

Saturday Morning - February 15th and if I had to rate my Galentine Evening on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give it a 5 and that's only because there were no accidents or injuries. So let me begin by getting some of your likely summary reviews out of the way:

'Gee that Bella, such a whiney, rigid, impossible to please, inflexible, intolerably spoiled control freak witch.'

There, now you have to come up with something new. The rest is a total ranting vent to clear this bad juju out of my system so that I can go about my day today with better optimism.

Kaddy's invitation read, "Dinner, drinks and a movie". I even looked back on the communication in the emails for 'did I just miss something here?' but realize I did not because there was even an email about 'what type of food are you craving? Any ideas where you'd like to go?' to which I responded, "Definitely somewhere nice, possibly a place with fresh grilled seafood?' and was told to meet at her house at 5:00.

In MY stodgy old lady mind, the one who goes to BED at shortly after 8pm, I thought 'oh, okay, we meet 5:00; dinner will be somewhere around 5:30... probably out of there by 6:30 or so putting the movie at about 7:00 so yeah, get a cup of coffee and try not to yawn too openly because you won't be getting home until around 10pm. Suck it up Bells and step out of your routine a bit. This will be fun.'

Wrong. Oh. So. Wrong. I now remember WHY it's been over two years since I agreed to do anything with Kaddy. She is the most distracted, disorganized and frustrating nutcase in the world! We left her house at 5:30 ... to go pay her rent (where I sat in the car watching her chit chat with her landlord for thirty minutes) and then went to a dollar store (another half hour of her picking up things for a fund raiser today) and finally I asked 'Uhm, what time does the movie start?" because unlike my little one horse town where everything is within 5 minutes of each other there was a lot of city travel and mileage involved in between those two errands already and now it's 7:00 and we haven't even eaten yet!

"Eight O'Clock."
"Ohhh? Okay... so .. where did you decide we were going to dinner?" (trying to still breath and be flexible and adventurous over the sound of my rumbling stomach)
"Oh, we're going to eat 'at' the movie."

Okay .. again, that's not my ideal thing but I have been to some of those 'movie restaurants akin to old dinner theater and it wasn't bad. Nice tables, padded swivel club chairs, waiters in uniforms serving food with style and it makes for a relaxing evening to then turn around and watch the movie. Cutty used to love the one I took him to when we first married. They allowed smoking in the theater then (in the balcony area) so he was even willing to go see a 'chick flick' if necessary because he'd just relax, order a pizza, and zone out while he had a beer or twelve.

Wrong again. Oh so wrong again. This theater was another forty five minute drive away and as I stifled repeated yawns while we sat waiting for her friends to meet us there I so regretted not 'driving' as I would have left her THERE to get a ride home, especially when I returned from the ladies room to learn 'oh, uhm, the movie doesn't start until 8:50...' And, if you're like me and haven't been to a movie theater in a while.. that's just when they seat. It's at least another half hour before the opening credits run after a zillion coming attractions reviews and advertisements.

No tables or club chairs - these were auditorium chairs with a swiveling plastic half table (like a college desk) in a theater that had obviously seen better days as my chair rocked ... not back and forth comfortably but side to side keeping my back and legs 'tense' all night and my 'table' (if you can call it that) was broken and tilted so I had to eat with one hand while the other tried to hold my dishes to keep them from sliding into my lap.

Dark theater, couldn't SEE my food except when there was a lighted scene on the screen ... I ordered a burger and fries as it was the safest thing I could imagine trying to maneuver one handed while holding onto my cup of hot coffee. Constant interruptions of the movie due to the waiters shoving food at me to be passed down the aisle to others as if we were at a baseball game. I was miserable with a capital M plus an I for irritated.

And the movie? I won't say much about the plot or give my review as to avoid a spoiler alert on that except to say ... unless you like watching Colin Ferrell cry and change his dialect about fifty times ... I'd wait for it to come on TV. Free. In fact, I'd advise trying to get someone to pay you to see the movie.

While everyone was trying to discuss 'what are you ordering' over the ear splitting volume of the coming attractions the topic of dessert came up and Kaddy said 'we'll go for that after the movie' and at that point I was 'the Mom' when I said 'Oh, NO, we will NOT.' I even did the pointed index finger wag to emphasize.

I was so 'not interested' in the movie I'd look around at the others in the theater and grew nauseous looking at row upon row of people sitting mesmerized, eyes on the screen as they just automatically brought food up to their mouths. Yes, I'm judging. This was the 'me' I used to be and 'don't' want to be again. And the 'me' I never was and 'never want to be' included watching these folks in the lobby sitting side by side as if coupled, dating, married or whatever BOTH sitting there ignoring one another while texting on their phones.

My phone is usually at the bottom of my handbag or in my back pocket. Yes, with reactions like this one I shall probably remain a social pariah with few people phoning me ever so no need to keep it handy to answer the latest text or follow the latest twitter of facebook because someone just burped or something. Watching these people who'd just traveled across highways and bi-ways to arrive at this location only to walk around with their phones lighted in their hands as if being led by a leash just turned my stomach.

What was the point? Where's the mindful living? Does even a relaxing social event like dinner AT the move have to be multitasked with the rest of your life? Do those shiny blinking colorful little rectangles have such a hold on you, your life and your leisure time they must be attended to at all times? Do you get why I don't have one now nor will avoid getting one with every fiber of strength in my body and soul?

So officially, I don't like movie theaters as a social event. It's dark, loud, there's no way to pause and give discussion to the scene just watched. It's like being held prisoner for two hours. It's like school, with unruly students and a substitute teacher. You don't have to pay attention but you can't leave. Sit & deal with it. I could possibly see the merits of it as an individual activity, one to which I go middle of the day when the crowd is less and I could just sit quietly in the center of the theater and really get absorbed into the movie. I cannot take this chaos. And I know I am the ONLY one in there because everyone else seemed quite content so I know it's my horrid, judging, snooty lacking, not theirs. I take responsibility that it's my short-fall.

And finally, as I've been a complete and utter witch in this journal, I'll go ahead and add this: I have not been to Kaddy's home in over 15 years and she has become a total slob. You know that standard empty 'please excuse the mess' we all give when visitors come because the kids sneakers are on the dining room table and they hang their jackets up on the floor... not that. I get that. I'm not so witchy that I criticize homes that are truly lived in. I'm talking about trash on the floor (gum wrappers, etc) and it's a shame because she has beautiful hardwood floors. Her home reeked from the smell of dishes everywhere with food dried on them (so, no, I'm not pointing out 'oh my, there were dishes in the sink) because they were everywhere, even on the floor in the hall.) Apparently her daughter has a bed wetting issue and my heart goes out to that because Blondie had one too growing up and I stripped those sheets daily. It was ... horrid. Turned my stomach.

I'd brought Mushy at her insistence. She was really trying to encourage me to spend the night but there was no way I could have done that additionally I was so frustrated at the evening running so much later than planned because I told her I have early plans today. I took Mushy's bed and water bowl with me with plans to put her in the laundry room because Kaddy has a beautiful little toy collie - looks like a little Lassie dog - but I've never let Mushy play with other dogs, especially unsupervised, and didn't want to worry about the two of them while we were gone. I had to ask Kaddy to let me sweep the laundry room... gum wrappers, scraps of paper, nails, loose change, etc... so that my little Hoover (my nickname for Mushy as she just runs around new places with her nose on the carpet trying to suck the foreign objects up --- she's a total challenge at Staples with all of those loose pieces of paper on the floor) wouldn't eat anything. That was the only room in that entire beautiful home beneath smelly filth that was clean.

Her car faired no better. I have a hypersensitive sense of smell and I was already sick at my stomach. I could feel my clothes absorbing it from the carseats and wasn't doing well. I just kept telling myself 'breath... relax... don't run... you can do this...' but it was just as bad as coming home from a bar with clothes reeking of cigarette smoke. My sense of smell is so strong that when we were sitting in the lobby waiting for the movie to ever freaking begin seating I said, 'I smell eggrolls...' and she said 'really?' Yeah, really. From the kitchen that was in another room down the hallway.

So what other ugly things can I say as I've been a complete and utter witch this morning? Meh. That's it. It's all out, I feel better. I don't like recognizing this ugly trait in me but it is there and while I shall work on being a little more flexible with plans I won't meet at her home until she cleans that place up. I will be very slow accepting ANY invitation from her ever again and if I do I will drive (and yes, I told her last night... 'had I driven I woulda left your butt there to get a ride home from Donna...) so likely the invites from her will be equally slow coming. I definitely know that 'going to the movies' won't be in my wheelhouse for socializing.

As I began - the rating of five is because there were no accidents or injuries. I think I did give much mindful attention to my evening, probably too mindful, but to borrow that well worn cliche, "it is what it is, was what it was, just won't be again if I have anything to do with it.'

Sorry for being so ugly. I'm gonna go dress now as Grace will be here in an hour. I feel better. Out with the bad; room for a good day now. Hope you have one as well.


3 Supporters    Support   

I don't think you are being a witch at all...maybe because I agree with so many of your points. I go to bed early and get up early, today I slept in until 7:00, so bedtime is 10:00 at the latest. I don't know how you could enjoy a movie with all that noise and constant interuptions of waiter serving food, not to mention the awkward seat and table. I hate waiting and being late. And as much as I dislike housework I enjoy a clean house and no matter how good food smells when its cooking it will stink after a few days. Maybe if you had more control over your outings with your friend, you drive and pick the activity, go back to your place, you might enjoy her company more 
15 Feb 14 by member: fatoldlady
Oh Bella, its not ugly to have an opinion. Im sorry that your night was mediocre at best. It wasnt very considerate of kaddy, and I would have been just as dissapointed with that evening as you were. Youre right, a movie is always a terrible idea for a social activity. I have a hard time getting popcorn to my mouth in a dark theatre, I couldnt imagine eating a meal! Sounds awful to be honest. Cell phones are a big issue with people my age, and that s##t drives me crazy. My husband is a phone addict, and im the anti phone. I believe in people, real relationships and face to face ccommunication. You will never catch me facebooking when im in the company of a real live human beingl. I might check fatsecret though lol. Im glad you vented your frustrations, girls night with kaddy... lesson learned. Enjoy your day! 
15 Feb 14 by member: Yolanda9179
I think you were very generous giving the evening a 5. I think I would struggle to give it any more than a 1. What a nightmare... How rude, that she had you in 'tow' while she did her errands. How doubly rude and slovenly, that she had rubbish dropped all over the floor.... And OMG, I would have passed out, having to eat in those surroundings. Glad you got it off your chest, so that you could move on and enjoy your time with Grace. 
15 Feb 14 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
It amazes me that you waited so long to say 'No'. What a disaster! I have a friends who does the phone thing with me, too. She wanted me to go with her to lunch so we could talk. She answered the phone and talked to whoever the whole way. She doesn't text too much while we're together, but we are never 'just the two of us'.... What a waste of your time. I'm glad you can use this site to cleanse your life and to keep yourself sane.... er... saner? hugs to you!!  
15 Feb 14 by member: dboza
Ugh. I too would not place you in the "witch" category at all. Your description is exactly why I am such a control freak when it comes to driving "with" people to social events. I'll take my own car, please and thank you for asking but no thanks. It takes me a long time to get to know someone and to know if I want to travel together. LOL!! I'm sorry. What a disaster!!! You and Mushy would have had a much lovelier time at home with Netflix. Out with the bad, in with the good. Been there, done that, really don't want the t-shirt!! Have a much better day today!! 
15 Feb 14 by member: madaboutmoose
Oh my. I did have such high hopes for you enjoying yourself. What a complete and utter disappointment for you, from start to finish. I can understand your disgust at how the younger generation (and some of the older ones, too) just can't put their phones down for more than 30 seconds. And they are so tuned in to whether it is vibrating or lighting up (because it's not cool to actually have a ringer or sound alert) that their attention is never fully given to world around them. Kaddy sounds like a real handful - someone I would shudder to have as a family member where you are forced to have interaction but not someone I would make an effort to see, given what you described. As for the messy house, it brought back horrific memories of the home of one of my daughter's childhood friends. Her mother and I had gotten chatty as we walked the kids home after school so one day she invited us both over so the kids could have a play date and we could have some adult time. As soon as I walked in the house after the daughter answered the door, I was shocked and repulsed at the sight of the mom sitting at the bottom of the basement stairs with a pile of supposedly clean laundry that was (no word of a lie) four feet wide and 3 feet high and sitting on the floor, all in a heap and she was folding it. Then I made a left into the kitchen where EVERY surface was piled 2 feet high with dirty dishes. On to the living room and every wall space that didn't have furniture in front of it had stacks of magazines as high as my thigh. My daughter was later invited to this girl's house for a sleepover birthday party and my skin literally crawled at the thought of it - like what would she catch from sleeping there? Needless to say, I found ways to avoid the invites and turned down the ones we got. I just couldn't handle it. Anyway, that's my little rant! LOL. I hope your day with Grace goes much better!!!!  
15 Feb 14 by member: evelyn64
Witch? I think not.Thinking is not the same as saying,altho' eventually what we think about we do bring about,so I agree that you may not want to keep her company often...Judging? Well, we all do that & not just because we are imperfect beings but because to do otherwise may put us in harms way.To judge is to form an estimate or evaluation about something. Having standards & preferences are in no way judging another. Some people may be quite at home in situations/circumstances while others would *prefer* healthier surroundings/more light to eat by/a comfortable chair to sit in,etc...so you *concluded*,*deduced*,*gathere... *thought*,JUDGED. What's the big deal? If you worry that Jesus wouldn't approve because "who appointed you ruler & judge"(Acts 7:27)or "when you judge,you condemn yourself"(Rom.2:1)or "stop judging that you may not be judged"(Mt.7:1) then perhaps you might want to research the word & the way it's used in the Scriptures in order to get a fuller understanding. Jesus encouraged & even urged us to "judge for ourselves". :D With good reason.  
15 Feb 14 by member: myawethinTICself
Yes it sure does sound like it was a disaster which is why I always drive my own car so I can leave when I want to although this doesn't stop the other person from being late and making you wait. Colin Ferel is not a favorite of mine either. Your next outing will be better. I just know it. Don't let this experience defer you from trying again and next time you make the plans. Happy Saturday! 
15 Feb 14 by member: chattycathy1955
Deep breath, today is a new day and you can have the best day possible. I hope you do. 
15 Feb 14 by member: LadyBea40
Wow, you sound like me! I thought I was the only one that thought movies were like detention while being forced to listen to extra loud noise! Wish your night was more fun. It's disappointing when you think your plans are going to be one thing and they turn out to be so different. Hope today was a better day. 
15 Feb 14 by member: SJacqueline
Yes, I'm hoping today was a better day too, Angel! But good for you for going out & trying something new… its how you'll figure out how you want to spend your time as you build your "big, new life". And now you can cross that one off the list of possibilities. Ironically, DH & I are taking MIL to the movies tomo, but luckily a matinee, as I too would rather be heading to bed than to a movie at 8! xoxox 
15 Feb 14 by member: Ruhu
I've been there & done that. The rating "5" seems pretty generous, but like you said, there was no mention of the ER or police station. I have little "free time" .... So when people waste my "free time", I too get a little cranky. Bella, I wish I could have brought you out to the desert. It was a beautiful night. Great weather. Nice people. Good wine. We did get home late .... But the trade off was worth it. I love the city lights .... story telling .... and people being human. I think you would have loved it too. We would have had to watch Mushy for "the rattlers" though. 
15 Feb 14 by member: glen
Hm, you reminded me why I do not go to movies any more. And why I always drive everywhere myself, even though I hate driving late in the evening when it is dark. 
15 Feb 14 by member: Ingria
Bella, I'm sorry you had such a disappointing night, but hey I think the positive is that you were willing to get out of your routine and get yourself out there. I too would have been miserable if I was in your shoes, so you are most certainly not alone on that. Steam would be coming out of my ears by the dollar store detour, so you did very well keeping it together until the dessert suggestion. Anyhow, we can't win them all, and tomorrow is another day!  
15 Feb 14 by member: Josie Ann
Oh Bella, I hear you on so many counts! Not ugly, just real. Love ya. 
16 Feb 14 by member: *Starshine*
I SO agree with you on the phone addiction! How did the culture ever get so tied up with them? They certainly are convenient, but really and truly, the world will NOT stop if we miss a call....can't read about that burp...etc. :) 
18 Feb 14 by member: Sandy701


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