FullaBella's Journal, 18 December 2013

Wednesday - December 18th and I'm starting my journal over for the fifth time today - every time I get about two paragraphs in I become this huge whiney thing I can't stand to see in print. I'm doing the best I can to pull myself out of this funk but even standing in front of the mirror reciting my gratitude list and affirmations and making myself smile results in biting my lips trying to keep the corners of my mouth from turning down again. I look like a constipated Joker.

So I'm listening to French music on my Cloud and hope it lightens my mood. My little Mushy baby had four teeth extracted ... man.. she's out of surgery now and in recovery .. poor baby. That'll bill out to the tune of $600 but thankfully the DME guy helped me resell the Bipap yesterday for $1000 so that leaves $400 for get well doggie toys :-) I ordered her companion tags yesterday.

I did hear the messages (read and absorb) left on my journal and am making myself proceed more carefully with Blondie. Yes, there's a part of me that want's to screech 'back off!'. But instead, last night when she phoned a third time being nosy and trying to push me around I told her 'No, I love you, Goodnight' and hung up.

It's a tough balancing act right as I'm sure there's SOME concern but she also has an agenda. Always has, probably always will. The most recent is yakking about these great trips her friends go on in groups and 'wouldn't that be fun for US now that I don't have to stay here and take care of Dad?' Oh, and they are only $2k a person and that's all inclusive except for .. uh... souvenirs, food, beverage and transportation fees. I told her that sounded like fun (NOT) and as soon as she could save up her $2k let me know. That shut her down.

Very slow day in the shop today. How slow is it, Bella? Well, it's so slow I was able to step to the kitchen in the back, watching the shop on the closed circuit, and prepare Swedish Meatballs from scratch without a single interruption. Sad. I'm proud I was able to wing the recipe (first time making this dish for me ) by using yogurt instead of sour creme (the tub I had was molded!) and make it in a small enough quantity that I won't have 4 meals left over. I really enjoy the preparation and cooking of meals; I'm not so much for the 'thaw and reheat' of the left overs. Too much like a TV dinner to me even when it's my cooking.

The record I'm listening to (gawd, did I actually write record? ... how freaking old AM I?) - the Album is from the movie "Something's Gotta Give" and I just realized all I need to pull me out of this funk is to have Nancy Meyer's to come, stage and direct my life. Beautiful home, great cook, world famous writer, classy dresser and have two leading men competing for my attention. Only in the movies, aye?

So you know that saying that begins 'the best laid plans...' well, I'm living it today. Of all the times Cutty would frustrate me by repeatedly phoning the shop and interrupt my sales transactions, the times I did appreciate were when the 'signal' worked. Whenever I stood up and folded my arms across my chest, that signaled to him to phone me. It would help me break the hypnotic conversation of the customer wasting my time (not buying or selling) and get them on about their day. It took about a week of secretly trying to phone my shop using my cell phone to think 'oh, yeah ... duh... the ALARM on the phone.' HIS phone allows for 10 alarms; mine only 3. So I've set them up for every 1/2 hour; if I'm not sure about the customer I just snooze for 5 minutes; otherwise I answer and it helps get the yakker moving.

Today - haven't needed my 'backup' plan. In fact, I'd probably hold a customer hostage today just to be able to sit and hear a voice other than the ones in my head. So every time the alarm sounds as scheduled I can practically hear it chiming 'loser... loser ... loser.'

Crap - slipping back into the funk again. I'm outta here - time to go do some more mirror affirmations. Y'all take care now, ya hear?


2 Supporters    Support   

Bella, sorry you are in a funk today. And sorry to hear about your baby needing teeth extracted. Everybody has their down days but you are doing you best to still look after you. Good idea about the phone alarms, very bright idea actually! And think you are handling Blondie beautifully. Much nicer than I think I would be. I am sure the agenda most of the time is 'money' as in how can she spend yours aka her father's. Stand firm and strong (as I know you will). Give that baby a big smooch from me. Poor wee thing. Soft food for him tonight, and for me too as I go to the dentist for my last go round tonight. I requested soft food from my hubby so I'll think of your baby when I'm spooning mush into me :) 
18 Dec 13 by member: sarahsmum
oh my gosh, I keep restarting my journal! agh, this whole Holiday thing is stressful  
18 Dec 13 by member: socias1
We all have those funky days when we just can't seem to snap out of it. Poor puppy getting her/his teeth out but I'm sure not having bad teeth in the gums will have her/him feeling better. Hope you have a better day tomorrow. 
18 Dec 13 by member: SJacqueline
Funky will happen; it's part of life. It takes those funky times to make us really appreciate the UP times. Poor Mushy! Give the sweet fur baby a hug from all of us and tell her it's gonna be okay. And it will be okay, Bella; it will. Hang in there. We're here for you. 
18 Dec 13 by member: kclab
You can whine, funk, vent or whatever feels right, Angel! It's your journal, so you can cry if you want to! Hope your day got better, no matter how many affirmations it took. Keep that music playing... From the record player or wherever! Xoxox 
18 Dec 13 by member: Ruhu
Your practice of restraint is commendable. But hopefully “Blondie” will learn sooner than later before she runs out of luck. I checked out the soundtrack and went to a faraway place while listening to That Something's Gotta Give soundtrack, it is pretty nice. I hope peaceful times out way the crazy ones. Be well and best wishes! SERINITY NOW! (Seinfeld style)  
18 Dec 13 by member: ChicaLean
So... Blondie has been angling for money for a cruise now. LMAO! She is a real piece of work, isn't she? Sorry the shop was slow today. It made for a boring day for you and too much time to "think". Life will get better. Tell me what is involved in getting a dog registered as a companion dog? I only heard of service dogs. This is interesting to me. 
18 Dec 13 by member: Mom2Boxers
Good for you telling Blondie to save that money...I knew there was a catch on the We could go bit..I have had that too..Some people think if you have any money left over from your bills you owe it them....Take care of you my dear...:O) 
18 Dec 13 by member: BHA
LOL... Good for you, on the Blondie issue... Would love to have seen her face :-D. I hope the mirror affirmation works... And instead of hearing 'loser', you hear your a 'wonderful person, your doing great, I am going to make the most of life'. Xxxxx 
19 Dec 13 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
We can do funk together pretty well huh? Sometimes the fake it til you make it just doesn't work and on those days I just enjoy my "dark" time...we deserve it every now and again as long as we let the light shine bright in a day or two. 
19 Dec 13 by member: Neptunebch


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