FullaBella's Journal, 26 November 2013

Tuesday - November 26th

My husband passed away this morning. God delivered to me the very things I'd prayed for and that was for it to happen while he was sleeping peacefully. I prayed for him to be home in his own bed. I prayed to be with him when it happened. All of my prayers were answered.

Now I need God to help me be strong as I enter the next chapter in my life. We've been married half my life and he's been sick for half of our marriage. I'm not sure what my identity will be now. No longer married. No longer a caretaker.

Everyone is finally gone. The house is quiet. I scurried around doing my usual cleaning, tidying, making it all ready for him to come back home. Even his coffee is already made for tomorrow. I'll have to go turn the setting off. Or not. Maybe I'll drink it in his honor.

I had my son in law help me move his bed out of the living room and move his chair back. I want to remember him in his chair - not that bed.

There won't be a funeral. He will have a direct cremation. I will gather his family and friends in January for a memorial to scatter his ashes to the winds above a lake as he requested.

I don't know what to do with myself. I have been jumping to take care of him for so long I feel at loose ends. I am sure I'll eventually find something. It's so quiet here. No TV. No meals to be prepared, medications to be administered. Nothing.

I may not be here a few days and I may be here continuously. I just don't know. For now I'm going to just lay down and rest.

Bella

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Comments 
Oh Bella darling, my heart is torn for you. I have no words except I love you. You gave him everything he could have ever wanted, honouring his wishes as best you could, as best anyone could. He is with his Maker now. He is always with you just in a different way. May God grant you peace and serenity. Hugs my dear one.  
26 Nov 13 by member: sarahsmum
Blessings to you dear heart. ((((((Bella)))))))) 
26 Nov 13 by member: ClassicRocker
I'm sorry, but am glad you were able to be with him. Take care and you are in my prayers. 
26 Nov 13 by member: smartin585
So sorry for your loss Bella. Glad that God answered your prayers and you were able to be with him, I'm sure in his spirit he was so happy you were by his side. You'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. 
26 Nov 13 by member: waynem37
Oh Bella, I'm so sorry your heart is hurting but so glad your DH was able to go peacefully. Take care of yourself, you better believe I'll be thinking about you a lot, and I will cheers my coffee tomorrow morning to you and your memories of your husband. Stay strong, dear sweet Bella... 
26 Nov 13 by member: erika2633
Bella I can find no words to express how I feel right now. Which is ok because it is about you now because your husband is at peace and I pray to God to give you the strength to get through these next couple of months without too much sorrow.  
26 Nov 13 by member: Neptunebch
I'm so sorry for your loss - sending you all my best <3 
26 Nov 13 by member: PepperMill
My heart goes out to you, dear Bella. I'm so sorry for your loss. Tears are coming to my eyes as I type this. Do take care of yourself. 
26 Nov 13 by member: evelyn64
Bella - I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers, hugs, and all of that sort to you and your family. Your husband is resting peacefully now. Take care!! Will be thinking of you! 
26 Nov 13 by member: Bkeller1023
I came across your journal and it touched my heart... I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you don't mind me commenting, I am not one of your buddies... But am still thinking of you. 
26 Nov 13 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Bless you, sweet Bella, bless you.  
26 Nov 13 by member: Sweet Ce
so sorry for your loss Bella 
26 Nov 13 by member: esther reid
So sorry for your loss but glad that your prayers were answered and he went in the best way possible. 
26 Nov 13 by member: fatoldlady
I am so sorry, Bella. Please know you have been in my thoughts all day. I am so glad your prayers were answered and I know that through the grace of God, you will find your new purpose, according to His plan. Please, take care of yourself today and in the coming days, and know that the sunshine will come again. 
26 Nov 13 by member: notjune1
Sweet, special Angel, you have another angel in heaven looking out for you. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I wish there were some way to help ease the pain. Please know I am here for you, love you more than words can say and will be thinking of you and praying for you. Take care of yourself, sweetheart. xoxoxox 
26 Nov 13 by member: Ruhu
Oh Bella...I am sooo sorry..my dear friend..even though you know its going to happen..its still not easy...Maybe you should take a few days and go some where...just to get out of the house...If you need to talk PM me and I will you back..Praying for you and your family....Big Hugs and Love...Bren... 
26 Nov 13 by member: BHA
Sweet lovely Bella. My hand to hold is there in spirit, my ear is available should you need it, and I would gladly share this burden of sadness and loss if I could. As my Quaker friends say, I shall hold you in the Light.  
26 Nov 13 by member: CollyMP
Bella, my heart aches for you. I pray for peace for you, and comfort where you can find it. Sending you loving thoughts... 
26 Nov 13 by member: crabby Kat
Dear Bella, thank you for sharing on a day when everything you know has been turned upside down. I know with time you will feel joy again. RIP to your beloved. 
26 Nov 13 by member: Josie Ann
Peace be with you dear Bella. Words will not suffice to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I know that God as answered you, and will give you strength in the coming days. Your Love is now at rest, I understand how easy it is to totally immerse yourself in caring for someone, that that person becomes your entire world. Now will be a time of discovery for you. You have friends here that love you, and will support you however you need it. May the good Lord keep you and comfort you in this your hour of loss. Take care now Bella, love and hugs.  
26 Nov 13 by member: pumakitten

     
 

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