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I feel like I am starting all the way over... I almost am. I cheated once and regretted every bit of it due to how sick and gross I felt. Then came summer and lots of visits home where the good food is abundant... I cheated twice. Nothing happened. I cheated on and off throughout the summer, often eating low carb during the week and then going hog wild on the weekends. I was able to maintain my weight that way IF I could tear myself away from the carbs on Monday. Then came my birthday when I deemed it perfectly acceptable to indulge for two weeks straight. The really dangerous thing about cheating isn't the actual food you cheat with, it's the game you play with your mind. My mind was in a really good place in June. It had no desire to eat carbs. I was perfectly content with eating low-carb foods and really enjoying how good I felt and how good I was starting to look. But after a little cheat here, and a another there, my mind was no longer content with low-carb eating. It wanted nothing but potatoes, bread, and anything sweet I could get my hands on. My mind is back at square one... there is no difference in the way I was thinking at 254 lbs (when I decided to begin my journey a year ago) than now when I am at 212, but in June was 185. I have hit the same rock bottom. Only I think this time it is worse, because I worked HARD to lose almost seventy pounds and I know how good it feels. BUT I STILL let my guard down, ate what I knew I shouldn't, and ended up gaining twenty-eight back. I know everyone says "Don't beat yourself up. What's done is done" and while that is true, it doesn't make me any less mad at myself. Now my goal is to get back to where I was in June- 185 before the holidays hit. And when they do hit, I will not let myself go to that place of "I can eat this today and get back on the diet Monday." I will not be that strong for awhile. Maybe not ever. On the bright side of things- I'm on Day 2 of this restart. Feeling tired, but much more optimistic now that I know I'm on the right track. Here's to Round 2!
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212.2 lb
Lost so far: 62.8 lb.
Still to go: 57.2 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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gaining 1.8 lb a week
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