FullaBella's Journal, 18 September 2013

Yay me. Team Bella managed to make it through Tuesday without falling off the Cruise Ship at sunset. Only one Oreo cookie and I consider that pretty darn good as lunch for everyone else was pizza. I did linger in the River of Rationalization a bit and teetered around with 'oh, what's one piece...' Lying to Myself deck. And no, nothing wrong with a slice now and then but on the heels of the eclair and cupcake and other junk I needed at least one day of sticking to a plan and yesterday's plan did not include pizza.

They say it takes 21 days to form a habit but it seems it takes 2100 days to break one as I'm still not there regarding 'sticking to the plan'. Most of the time I'm very happy and content with the way I'm eating, moving and feeling. That tiny percentage of the time I just work myself into a frenzy with 'Bells.. you've been the same weight for about six weeks now... in the past you'd have lost more by now .. what's going on.. ' or the opposite script that goes 'you can live a little (as if food makes me immortal) so have that pie, cupcake, pizza'. Ugh.

My SIL came by yesterday and said she liked my hair but asked if it was a wig. This was mid composition of my journal yesterday so I was already reflecting on the impolite way people comment on personal issues and I told her 'No.'

Specifically, she asked, 'Is that your hair or is it a wig?' And I said 'It's my hair.' After all, I bought it, so I own it, so it's mine. I think had she been more gracious 'I really like your hair' I'd have been more forthcoming but when she reached up to touch my hair the OCD kicked in and I swatted her hand away and all that followed was a self defense mechanism. I considered phoning her last night and confessing my coiffure secret but felt I'd too easily slip into a lecture on manners at this time. Maybe in a few days.

DH was taunting me this morning - he's been squirreling away cash for a while and has said it's for our 25th Anniversary (next April) where in I will 'do something I've never done.' Considering my sedate life that presents a very wide menu of opportunities. He's said it doesn't involve travel and knows I need and want for nothing so ... hmmm.

I laughed and responded that I'm already doing something I've never done: reading a manual. Inspired by shutter speed and aperture discussions at the photo club the other night I finally pulled out the user manual for my camera and began reading about what those other dials and settings represent. I'm so glad it's digital as I think I took about 500 shots of my feet as I played with the dials.

And with that, a few shots from this morning. Don't worry - not my feet. I have been playing with a trial program of auto-collage and like it too but need to read the instructions on that too before I buy it. I'd like to be able to control 'where' the pictures are collaged.








Thank you for reading and viewing,



Lovely pictures! Congrats on making it through Tuesday uncupcaked, uncookied and unpizzaed. I agree that there seems to be a need for a "indulgence free zone" following a binge or, shall we say, caloric dalliance. It seems that once we've slipped down the slope, we can't keep both hands on the rope to climb back up if one of them is holding a piece of ______ (insert name of most recent temptation). I suppose I don't encounter too many people outside of my immediate family on a regular enough basis to be exposed to too many unexpected questions from people. I don't blame you for swatting your SIL's hand away when she reached up to touch your hair. Some people don't understand the concept of personal space and what is or isn't appropriate when crossing that line and by whom. Oh, I wonder what DH has planned for you!!!! Sounds very exciting but what a terrible thing to do to taunt you with that little tidbit so many months in advance. I'm terrible at waiting for stuff like that - better for me to know nothing than know a little bit. I hope you survive the suspense!  
18 Sep 13 by member: evelyn64
Bella, you live in paradise! Wonderful pics!!! I am in a plateau too - 4 weeks with the same weight, and the thought of falling in temptation crossed my mind a few times "I'm doing everything right and don't lose, so I might as well do it wrong". But I read something in the facebook and later posted here that fitted me perfectly: if you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. That's been my motto every since, trying not to get demotivated. I'm so curious on what you DH is planning, I imagine you! What a great relationship when you both surprise each other! 
18 Sep 13 by member: Re Becca
Hi Bella, can I tell you that your family suck, in the nicest possible way? Between SD and SIL, and window washers, you have had quite the week. No wonder you have had the odd treat or three! But you made it through last night un-snacked, that's great. And you enjoyed the photog class, I'm glad of that too. Your pictures are amazing. The detail is exceptional and the last collage is - again - amazing. Our diets or way of eating are works in progress, always evolving as we evolve. And sure your loss has slowed but you don't have as much to lose now and I hear that the less you have to lose the slower it goes. Fun, huh? Wonder what DH is cooking up? You say he is housebound? Does he go on the internet at all? Wonder how he'll manage to surprise you? Exciting to think about for sure :) 
18 Sep 13 by member: sarahsmum
Gorgeous photos bella. Of course its your hair. Its hair. Its on your head...sometimes people can be sooooo thoughtless. Good job sticking to the no pizza plan. 
18 Sep 13 by member: sharonfriz
What a beautiful eye for imagery you have, dear Bella! Those photos are gorgeous. I'm looking forward to seeing more. And as for the SIL, hang in there! Nobody knows where to stick the knife quite like family. :-P And the worst is, for the most part, they aren't even doing it deliberately - they're just saying what they're thinking, without any filters. @Re Becca, I love that motto! I needed to hear that. So do a couple of my friends who are stuck in other areas of their lives (not just weight). Thanks! 
18 Sep 13 by member: Mary in LA
You're an incredible artist and photographer, too? What gorgeous photos! You are so talented, my Angel! I haven't caught up on all your journals, but know your amazing attitude & determination will keep that ship sailing in the right direction. I'm working to sail along side you, aye, aye, captain? Xoxox 
18 Sep 13 by member: Ruhu
AWESOME PICS....thanks for sharing..and yes you do own you hair...why can't people just say they like something with out the negative..geeez...:O) 
18 Sep 13 by member: BHA
I am LOVING the 21 days to form a good habit, 2100 to break a bad one. I am with you in that very same boat, as you know. Bad habits are sooooo hard to get out of. I keep telling myself that I got this, I can do this, I understand the science behind things, I know when I see the most results. And yet - way too often I sit with feet up watching movies and munching candies. Why oh why? Still, habits ARE being formed, for you and me both, and we are slowly getting better and better at it. Maybe the worst enemy is the impatience of "when the heck can I just lay off eating all that crap?". Also - really liking the pictures. Some do not show, though, but it's only a few. Have an awesome day, Bella. Keep doing good.  
19 Sep 13 by member: kingkeld
Great Photos!!!!! Thanks for sharing & can't wait to see more!  
19 Sep 13 by member: Rubie-sue
Just look at your pics again. They are really fantastic Bella! I especially love the collage of them all - the last one.  
19 Sep 13 by member: sarahsmum
Ah Bella these pictures are so pretty! Good for you with SIL! 
01 Oct 13 by member: Neptunebch


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