FullaBella's Journal, 23 August 2013

Sunday will be my one year anniversary of taking that first step to change my relationship with food and losing weight for my physical and mental health instead of vanity and ego. However, Sunday I am going to a Woman's Fashion Fair with my IRL friend so I likely won't be around to journal. Tomorrow I'll still be dealing with the VSD Varmint and likely will be incapable of a journal beyond a string of F-words. So I want to make this journal count.

NOW is when the really hard part begins. That seems ironic considering I've lost 100+lbs but as those of you who've read my profile or journals from the beginning know I've always admitted that losing massive amounts of weight comes easy for me. I know this because I'd already done it 4 times in my life.

Keeping it off.. yep, that's a whole 'nuther game.

Time for the hard part. The part most of you have lived and breathed the better part of your life. Taking off those last few pounds, the freshman ten, the baby weight, the vacation pounds, whatever, and keeping them off.

I feel like I've spent the past year in a virtual 'boot camp' to change my life inside and out. Counting calories, studying and recording my food, weighing myself, increasing my activity, meditating, sharing, abandoning old diet myths, sorting out the nonsense, ridding myself of stinking thinking, making peace with food, admitting my weaknesses, exploring my cravings, discovering real hunger, learning to love real food, connecting, confessing, studying, memorizing, and on and on.

Plus: prayer. A lot of prayer. And of course, the miles and miles of journaling as I finally feel I'm getting to know myself rather late in life.

I really thought by the time I reached this point of my year and in my journal I'd have a plan for 'what's up for next year?' I don't have one. Not a solid one. And as the old mantra goes 'To Fail to Plan is a Plan to Fail.' So I'm going to give this a shot.

I will continue to eat healthy and mindfully. I will continue to love, nurture, and accept myself unconditionally today.

I will continue to weigh weekly and if I note a 7lb gain for more than two weeks in a row and my current wardrobe begins to feel snug I will return to recording my food diary to examine what may need to change in either portions or choices.

I will continue to come here to FS daily as possible to be a part of a community of like minded individuals all seeking a healthier life. I may even find myself so inspired by my friends who make exercise a part of their day and finally do the same. I will continue to share and be honest with myself and examine my weaknesses to find my strength.

I will eat what I love and love what I eat but always remember food is for satiating hunger, not replacing emotions. I will live, laugh, and love the opportunity I have ahead of me.

And I will continue to be grateful every day I found this site and met you all. You are wonderful, inspiring, incredible people and I am truly blessed you are my friends. Thank you all. Happy Anniversary. Here's to a great year ahead.

Bella

176.0 lb Lost so far: 109.0 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.
on diet Make Peace with Myself   steady weight

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Comments 
Great Job 
23 Aug 13 by member: Happy Happy Happy
Happy anniversary, Bella! You're amazing! I'm really happy that keep showing up here is a part of your plan: I still have a lot to learn! 
23 Aug 13 by member: Re Becca
Indeed, a very happy anniversary to you, Bella. I hope you feel (as I do) that this journal truly does count. All of your journals have counted for me. I also hope you feel the huge hug of appreciation I'm sending you right now. And you'll feel it each time you login, journal and comment... cause I'll be sending it to you across the miles of cyber-space. 
23 Aug 13 by member: Sweet Ce
Happy Anniversary, my special, wonderful, sweet, caring, supportive Angel! I've said it so many times, but your journal once again so hits home for me & is just the reminder I need today, and every day. While you have your boot camp & I had mine today (LOL), you 
23 Aug 13 by member: Ruhu
Darn iPad! While you had your boot camp, I had mine (LOL), but what a boot camp you've been through, and you've shown me the way. You are truly an inspiration as is your plan -- hope you don't mind but I "plan" to follow right along. Thank you for letting me build my healthy eating & living road along with yours! Xoxox 
23 Aug 13 by member: Ruhu
Happy - Thank you. 
23 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
Becca - Thank you. I'm really happy to still be here. I know we all have to have some of the motivation and commitment on our own but this site definitely helps when I need support and inspiration. 
23 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
Ce - Thank you. I think every journal, regardless, helps. Just writing it sometimes makes me get the crud out of my head and open up space for something fresh and new. Thank you for the cyber hug :-)  
23 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
Angel - LOL - Ipads - I wondered if you'd had a senior moment. I just had 3 in a row with a customer - duhhhhh - Yeah, I got the concept of boot camp from your journal; although mine hasn't been as physical it really does feel like that's where I've been - basic training boot camp. Time to move on to officer's training, right? Salute! 
23 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
Happy Anniversary !!! How wise of you to have a plan! - I think your plan sounds reasonable, doable and is 100% KISS method and with it, I think you can't go wrong. We'll be cheering you on!  
23 Aug 13 by member: NowIunderstand
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY...I think you can keep it off better now that you have more insight this time..just like me...its been easier to keep it off more than before...but that's because I really think about what I am doing and now after I do splurge..its easier to get back on track..Good luck my dear friend...:O) 
23 Aug 13 by member: BHA
Great jounrnal. Happy Anniversary, Bella! 
23 Aug 13 by member: Helewis
Happy anniversary! It's been quite an impressive journey you've undertaken and you have a good plan for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Keep it going! 
23 Aug 13 by member: sw21204
Happy Anniversary Bells. Good plan. :) 
23 Aug 13 by member: teskandar
Bella happy anniversary. Such an amazing milestone. I have enjoyed this wild ride with and will gratefully continue with you. 
24 Aug 13 by member: sharonfriz
Happy Happy Anniversary Bella!! You are amazing. You have come a long way and I am so proud of you. Your journal is wonderful, your thinking and reasoning is wonderful and your plan is wonderful. 
24 Aug 13 by member: chattycathy1955
Hi Bella! I have two questions, if you don't mind. Mindful eating, from what I gather, is eating without distraction. I've tried that where you just sit at the table and eat and of course you pay attention to the food in your mouth. Am I correct in this? I find it boring and long, even if the taste is enjoyable. But I LOVE to eat while reading, watching tv, or anything that occupies the mind while eating. If I started mindful eating I would be giving up something I really, really like to do, which is the combo of eating/reading/watching tv. How is your mindful eating experience day in and out? Did you have those issues?  
24 Aug 13 by member: NowIunderstand
Bella, I am not sure if I have written on your journal since I got back, I'm getting more and more forgetful. I find I like to have 'time' to talk to you, because I always have so much I want to say and I am almost always 'on the fly' and don't have time to think, ponder and write. Like this morning, I amrunning off to my sister's but I do want to tell you I think you are amazing. I love this journal and your 'plan' for the future. It is a solid plan, with flexibility built in. I also loved your rant at your stepdaughter. Well, loved isn't the right word but I applauded you for getting it out. I don't know how you stood her. Hope she has gone home or is going home soon. She sounds like a real piece of work. So Bella, do enjoy your anniversary tomorrow even though you won't be on here. It is a momentous occasion. I have had 3 annivesary's on FS. Honestly, for me, they just pass now and I don't even realize. I wish I could say I was at goal or close to goal, or that I knew myself as well as you have some to know yourself. Sadly I do not. Sadly I am still fighting the battle of the bulge. But it's a war with great companion soldiers. I can't imagine ever leaving this site. You rock sister. I look forward to many future posts and much insight from you. We all teach each other. Thanks for being my buddy. 
24 Aug 13 by member: sarahsmum
Mauni - Thank you. Yep, I have learned enough of myself this time around to know I don't do well with restrictions for very long (about 14-16 months seems to be the breaking point) so I approached this path with a different frame of mind. So far... so good. As for the mindful eating -- well, probably at the very core of it, yes, no distraction but I don't even HAVE a dining table so... there ya go. I'm usually curled up in my recliner with my mushy dog on my lap, TV ALWAYS on thanks to DH, and a kindle in my hand. I too would go mad if I had to only sit & look at my plate. What I've adapted and works with my day to day feeding time (LOL) is mindful portion size - I started out small (maybe one cup amount into a bowl) to determine if that was enough to satisfy my hunger or if I still felt hungry 10-15 minutes later. Sometimes it is, sometimes I go back after the second cup. That helps me not overeat because of the TV, dog and Kindle. Mindful eating for me (and from the Eat What you Love book) also includes bite size; I use a salad fork or a small sorbet spoon to avoid shoving too much into my mouth in one bite. In chapter six she discusses how 'if you can feel the food against the wall of your cheeks, it's too much as the most sensitive tastebuds are on the tip of your tongue.' So I take a bite, put the bowl & fork down, and pay attention to the taste and texture while I chew and read and etc. In a restaurant, without all those distractions, I'll do this to figure out the subtle ingredients in the dish especially if it's something I enjoyed so that I can recreate the dish at home. One day I thought I'd go mad trying to figure out 'oh, that was GARLIC in the whipped butter... that's what was so good...' Does that help? 
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
Happy Anniversary, you extraordinary woman, you! Ride the wave of our love and appreciation over the SD situation, then have a lovely time Sunday.  
24 Aug 13 by member: crabby Kat

     
 

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