jsfantome's Journal, 06 August 2013

Most of you are used to a very positive woman on the other side of this journal. And while you may find my musings to be rather judgemental today, please stick with me til the end...before making your own judgements.

Obviously I have been somewhat disconnected from the relationships on this site, and being here faithfully and daily to reconnect - has not been something I have chosen. I used to come and post, and comment, and keep up with the lives of many folks here - and now I don't. And I began to ask myself some tough questions about why that is?

Every journey is sooooo incredibly different. I have watched people come and go...and even been one of those who 'disappeared' off this site. Some folks seemed to be very much aligned with my own journey. They had a similiar 'focus' as myself. They cared about people - but they cared about themselves. They cheered others on... and they cheered themselves on.

There are some here who have 'done it'. They have worked hard, pushed thru the hurdles, stuck with it...and lost the weight. They have listened to their bodies, exercised where and when appropriate, and made habits, and changes to a former life - that has produced for them a NEW life-STYLE.

But those 'successful' ones - are few and far between.

They are the ones I need in my life right now!

As much as I love some of the folks that I have made friends with here - I need - NEED - to get this weight off. I don't like myself right now. 30 lbs shouldn't frustrate and challenge a person this much, but it does!!! And I need some kind of help, or direction, or something...I just don't know where to turn.

I can't read one more 'oh, I cheated this past weekend...ooopsie!' comment.

This process of humbling myself is hard. I've been there. The elusive 'successful one'. And I let it slip away.

I have been faithful, true to myself and my eating, I have drank my water, and even added back some regular exercise. It's not been enough.

NOTHING is happening. No changes. No losses. Nothing. WTF!!!!!!

So please know that I mean no disrespect - but unless you have figured it all out...and you have some kind of a clue on what you're about to say or write in the comments section of this journal... please just tell me you love me! But if you do have a CLUE... could we stop chatting about summer bbq's and cheat nights...and get back to helping each other! Please. I'm desperate. I don't know what else to do, but ask for help.
on diet Atkins  


Love you, Paula. Best of luck finding what works for you. After a long stint of LOTS of exercise and no difference, I've found that whole foods, fruits and veggies works for me. It isn't as low cal or certainly as low carb as other diets, but it seems to be helping me. Of course, not everything that works for one person works doesn't always work for others. Have a wonderful day.  
06 Aug 13 by member: Helewis
thanks H - I'm just feeling discouraged. 5 years is a long time to be focused on something. And if it takes another year to get this back to where I was... so be it. But REALLY? someone needs to wake up some of the folks around here if they really want to reach their goals... 'cause some of the non-compliants are the biggest complainers. I try my darnest and nothing... you cheat like crazy and nothing!!! I cheat and GAIN. aaaagggghhhh! I'm just jealous I guess. 
06 Aug 13 by member: jsfantome
Yea, it sure s challenging sometimes! Sounds like you're motivated, so that's the first important step in achieving your goal. The next is your battle plan. Heather has a good point that should work pretty universally for all body types; whole and natural foods. I firmly believe that eating what the body was designed to eat and not this manufactured food we've been eating for the past century especially, is the way to go. Diet is 80% of the weightloss equation for long term success. Exercise is just as important as it changes the body's mode into a fat burning machine. Heather is a very good example. She's become literally half the lady she used to be, and of course in the best of ways! So, what has your strategy been thus far? Where do you think you've gone wrong? Let's troubleshoot :) 
06 Aug 13 by member: CJT1217
Have you had your thyroid checked? BS tested? Or have your hormones checked? Maybe it is time to see a doc. Your at the age, no offense, when your body is going through some major changes itself. As Heather told me today maybe its time to make some big changes to confuse your body and make it think again. What does "some exercise" mean? Maybe you need to think about this in a different way. I read an article that said we can actually gain weight if all we do is worry, eat, sleep and consume ourselves about the diet. In other words maybe its time to find a way to relax your thinking and stop stressing so much about those last pounds. Take everything your doing now and turn it upside down.  
06 Aug 13 by member: petuniak
Haha Chris and thanks (I'm sure). Paula is such an old veteran and you have to watch her sometimes. She can be hard on herself. 
06 Aug 13 by member: Helewis
I have one more thought. You aren't listing your weight, so I'm not sure whether you've gained or are the same. Is the way you're eating during dieting, the say way that you'll eat when you've reached your goal? If it's not, it could be problems for when you do reach your goal again. But of course, you already know all this. You've told us!  
06 Aug 13 by member: Helewis
Hi Paula, I watched this movie the other night and it helped me understand a little more about myself. It is called "HUNGRY FOR CHANGE". It is on NETFLIX. See what you think! It made me decide to also cut out ALL MSG. 
06 Aug 13 by member: Bird Fancier
Love you Paula. I feel your frustration. I'm trying to make some changes in my life right now. I think that might help me move ahead. I got a big hair cut today (shorter) I know that many not seem like much but I feel it is a step. During my appointment I found out what may be a help in my journey. I'll write about it in my journal tomorrow after I find out more info. Please take care of you Paula :-) 
06 Aug 13 by member: JMA312
Paula, I got nothing, can only support you by being here and listening to you and hope that that is enough. 
06 Aug 13 by member: sarahsmum
I've been a bit of a lurker on here for a while but your post struck a chord with me because you're so dedicated and keep trying to work through it, no matter what it takes. Can I ask you a crazy question? Why is it so important to lose the weight? In the time I've been disconnected from FS, I read a thought provoking book called "Health at any size". A quick summary: Your body has a comfortable weight that it will try to maintain at all costs and while you can try to change it, a lot of the time it does more harm than good (ie crash dieting, which will actually increase your set point), so the best thing to do is to focus on HEALTH and let your body find the weight it wants to be and where you can stay comfortably. Its not a license to binge so much as find the balance where you're active, eating by your hunger signals and generally taking care if yourself, but just dropping the fixation that you have to fit into some predetermined mold. I'm not sure I have bought into it completely (still trying to lose that 20 lbs again and fit into all my clothes!) so I'm certainly not going to prosthelytize, but your situation made me reconsider the idea. It's obvious that you've put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into those 30 pounds but despite your determination, your body stubbornly resisting. Maybe it's worth considering whether the ongoing fight with your body over those 30 pounds is worth it in the end or if accepting (and loving) yourself for who you are now would be an alternative. What is going to allow you to live the happiest, healthiest life that you can? You are an amazing person, regardless of those 30 pounds, and it hurts to see the toll the battle has taken on you.  
06 Aug 13 by member: gnat824
Here's my suggestion. For one week, carry around a little notebook with you. Don't worry about the calorie count in foods or the number of carbs or any of the "numbers" stuff. Just write down whatever it is that you eat, how you were feeling before you ate it, and how it made you feel after. It doesn't have to be big long sentences, maybe just something like "10 am, 17 Doritos, was bored, feel guilty" "3 pm, 1 string cheese, was starving, feel satisfied" and so on.... I only suggest this because on your profile, the part that says "Depression, self-medicating with food, and soothing my grief" really jumped out at me, and if you actually physically write your emotions down as you eat different foods and see how they make you feel (i.e. maybe lots of carbs in the morning makes you crabby in the afternoon, or too much protein at night makes you restless and irritable at bedtime..." can help you sort things out. Anyway, just a thought! 
06 Aug 13 by member: erika2633
I'm going to write a follow up to these responses in my next journal. Just wanted to say THANK YOU!!! 
07 Aug 13 by member: jsfantome
I just want you to know I am still here for you even though I haven't been very active on here since summer with my kids has started. Can't wait to be back full force when school starts on the 21st. I pray the best for you 
07 Aug 13 by member: iamachristianjesusfreak


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