pumakitten's Journal, 23 July 2013

Ugh, ok, I'm up. And not as perky as yesterday.....
Doofus here just had herself a really long nights sleep.
I really can't schedule my breakfast, lunch and dinner this way.
My breakfast ends up being only 1 to 1.5 hours before lunch. Lunch ends up being around 1 to 1:30 , sometimes 2:00. Supper is whenever the hubby gets home. That is anywhere from 5:00 to 6:30, once in a while 7:00.

*sigh* Oh well.

Now that I've had my little tantrum, I think I'm going to ask my Dr if I can take these pills every other day. I might end up doing away with them. I don't know how to explain it. I have a buzzing feeling all over my body all day long. I don't have any feelings of apprehension, which is good. They would have been out the door if I had. This is different.

Now, I'm no saint. I used to drink, and I even took yellow jackets when I was young. I used to smoke 2 packs to 2 1/2 packs of cigarettes a day.

I still drink every once in a while, and not very much. Maybe one or two coolers, or a beer . I haven't had a smoke in 5 1/2 years. Haven't had any speed since I was around 23 or 24.

Now I have 3 tattoos, and a big belly!!! I even had to switch to decaffeinated coffee...and I wonder daily how all those years slipped by so fast!!!

It took me a little bit, but I am learning to slow down, and to appreciate the day as it goes by. I may be a little cranky when I wake up, but once awake, and with coffee in hand, I am thankful for another day on this wonderful earth. I think thats a problem for many people. They just don't know how to slow down!!
They don't know what its like to spend a lazy morning doing nothing, but sitting on the porch, and sipping a good cup of coffee, or tea.
They have to have their whole day planned out, from the time they wake to the time they go to bed.
Move, move, move, run, run, run. And they wonder why they gain weight, and all the stress they have!!!

Well, let me tell you!!! Not this pudgy person!!! I will not allow stress into my life. I will not allow DRAMA QUEENS et al into my life!! It really isn't worth it to get caught up in someone elses mess. I refuse to do it!!
I will have my calm, wonderful days, not emotional rollercoasters!! Now I'm not saying that I don't get upset, cause I do. I will just calm down and deal with it.

I also refuse to get upset if I don't lose enough weight, or I don't get enough protein, or if I don't make it to that particular goal. What is the use in getting upset by something that is now past?? You don't
You say to yourself, ok self, lets try this again. You screwed up. Now lets do this over and try to do it right this time!

Right now I am having one devil of a time making at least 1200 calories a day. That is my main battle. I eat. I used to eat a lot of carbs, and I would have to have that daily sweet treat. I would skip breakfast. It still makes me nauseous to think of eating any thing when I get up. I didn't move around much. I was fairly sedentary. I still am, but am working on getting enough money gathered to go to the gym 3 days a week. I was pretty damn depressed there for a while. I was on several different meds for that over the last 8 years.

I did this to myself. and there is no sense blaming anyone else but me. It is my fault I got to the point I was 302 pounds. I have accepted that fact. And I move on!!!
I have come clean with myself. I accept responsibility for my actions. And I am honest enough with myself that I post EVERYTHING I EAT!!! That is one of the ways to get your diet to work for you. Whatever diet it may be. You have to accept that responsibility!!

I sat down one day, and had a conversation with myself, on why I was eating certain things. And I answered myself, that it was because I was bored.. It was so much easier to cook 4 chicken breasts than 3. It was easier to pack up the meat for the freezer in even numbered portions, than to separate it out, so I had a smaller portion than my hubby. Well, I just kicked that notion right in the backside an am now NOT eating because I'm bored. I spent yesterday weighing out and packaging the meat we got into smaller portions. It may be a little more work, but lots easier making supper now.

Well, I'm off to make my big ol' salad for lunch!! I hope everyone has a calm and peaceful day!!
Keep up the diet battle!! I'll be right here rooting for you!!


Diet Calendar Entries for 23 July 2013:
1440 kcal Fat: 82.08g | Prot: 60.33g | Carb: 122.13g.   Breakfast: equate fiber powder, Non-Dairy French Vanilla Coffee Creamer, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds, Decaffeinated). Lunch: Grape Tomatoes, Steamed spinach and cauliflower, Colby Jack Cheese, Delallo Italian Style Pepperoni. Dinner: Italian Rose Fresh Salsa with Cilantro, Bland Farms Vidalia Sweet Onion, Baby Spinach, Cooked Cauliflower (from Fresh), Beef Chuck (Blade Roast, Trimmed to 1/4" Fat). Snacks/Other: Pepsi Pepsi Throwback (Can), Pepsi Pepsi Throwback (Can), Lemon Juice (Canned or Bottled). more...
3704 kcal Activities & Exercise: Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 1 hour, Standing - 1 hour and 30 minutes, cooking dinner - 20 minutes, Desk Work - 4 hours, Resting - 9 hours and 10 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...

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Comments 
Love your journal. You are so right about slowing down and keeping the drama OUT. Where DID those years go? I walked over to pick up a newspaper this morning when ours wasn't delivered and wanted to RUN when someone I knew started telling me about their recent marital battles... no no no... this is my peaceful happy walk, not my cry on my shoulder walk.. that's Wednesday... LOL. Definitely eating out of boredom... been there, done that. One of my favorite mantra's from a book that helped me a lot this time 'Eat What you Love, Love What you Eat' goes: When I am hungry, I will eat something I love. When I am bored, I will DO something I love. When I am lonely, I will contact someone I love. When I am sad, I will remember, I am loved. That has helped me so much to put food back on the pantry shelf where it belongs.  
23 Jul 13 by member: FullaBella
Thanks so much Bella for that mantra!! I need to print that out and put it up over my computer, and put it on my fridge!! Hugs to you!!! :) 
24 Jul 13 by member: pumakitten

     
 

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