Sweet Ce's Journal, 22 May 2013

How I wish I knew why I am eating so much these past few days. I'm staying within the RDI (more or less) but I FEEL like I'm overeating. I'm eating emotionally and not consciously.

There are, certainly, a lot of emotions hammering around inside of me.
1) The relationship continues to blossom. He's the most thoughtful man I've ever met. He's open to hearing my feedback and interested in hearing about my concerns as well as my joys. I feel like this is too good to be true but he has his faults & foibles so I know I'm not totally dreaming. But he's fully committed to doing his utmost to relieve my fears about a relationship and I deeply appreciate his transparency.
2) In a dormant state, I'm still tossing around the family trip next month - it's becoming more a reality for a variety of reasons but it will mean time away from my "love" and with my "family".... Which can include some love and some toxic love...
3) Issues & concerns with what my brother is going through - and which they've kept silent about for the past week or so, so it's a complete unknown and feels a little like walking in to a mine field.

I also wonder if I'm doing some "compensatory" eating unconsciously. That is to say that I've begun incorporating the morning treadmill workout per my Pilates instructor's suggestion to lose weight. Yes, consciously, that is what I've stated I want to do - lose weight. So.... is my unconscious playing tricks on me for some reason? holding on to the weight by over-eating to compensate for the extra vigorous workouts? Perhaps. And if I bring it out to the light on FS, will it act up more or will it start cooperating with me?

It's a maze up there b/w my ears.... I could get lost for days and when I get out, never have a clue as to where I've been or what I've been thinking....

Just want to put this down on virtual paper so that I can try to bring some awareness to what I'm doing.

Diet Calendar Entries for 22 May 2013:
1720 kcal Fat: 104.33g | Prot: 36.17g | Carb: 168.10g.   Breakfast: Pret a Manger Plain Croissant. Lunch: Avocados, Olive Oil, Brown Rice. Dinner: Brown Rice, Amy's Gluten Free Garden Vegetable Lasagna. Snacks/Other: Almond Butter, Carrots. more...
2573 kcal Activities & Exercise: Running (jogging) - 5/mph - 5 minutes, Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 20 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 6 minutes, Resting - 4 hours and 29 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Desk Work - 7 hours, Sitting - 4 hours. more...

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Comments 
Great insight - hopefully seeing it in print will give you an answer. It really can be a balancing act to get a handle on 'eating enough' when the RDI says 'but you can eat more' and mix that all up with years of misinformation about how not eating enough will damage the body or metabolism and it feels like a hamster on a wheel. I 'almost' got on my treadmill last night - really can't point to a single reason why I didn't but I feel now it would have been a good thing to reinstate if for no other reason than just clearing out the cobwebs. I never did connect it to 'losing weight' though for the same reason you write above - I did not want to rely on it nor have it burrow it's way into my subconscious as an excuse to eat more. Families - golly - rarely does anyone get away from a group family thing unscathed; my natural instinct would be to find an excuse and go somewhere pleasant and serene instead but I'm kind of selfish to say that - I'm basing it on my own family. I know what ever you decide will serve you well. 
22 May 13 by member: FullaBella
Thanks Bella, just for being you and reaching out to me.  
22 May 13 by member: Sweet Ce

     
 

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