LisaPhenon's Journal, 20 May 2013

It is 3:45am, and I really need to get back to sleep, but I always wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep. I go pick Chris up from the airport tomorrow, which means I have a million things to do today to prepare. It's not that he expects a lot, but I want him to be comfortable since he's been living in a hotel room for 5 and a half months, and he's really eager to come home. I want to house and me to be perfect for his return. So, I have to finish my cleaning, and do some beauty things... hair, nails, ect. I wish the day was free for me to focus on all of that, but I also have an appointment in Hiram which is 40 minutes away at 4:50pm, and my daughter has a banquet to attend at 6pm. She'll need help with her hair, and a ride to the event. Of course I'll be in Hiram until 6pm, so there's no way that will work. I have to call when they open at 9am, and see if I can get an earlier appointment. I also have zumba at 7pm, and I have no intention of missing it. It's going to be a crazy day, but I intend to stick to my diet. I really screwed up last night, and it's not like I made a mistake. I consciously decided to eat what I wanted for dinner. I had pizza, one chicken strip, and the most delicious chocolate swirl cheesecake ever. Of course my stomach hurts now, and that's probable because of the second slice of pizza that I didn't need (that part was a mistake, and I regret it). Maybe I'll look into some kind of 24 hour detox. I've never done anything like that before, but I really feel gross, and I just want to clean my system. If you're reading this, please let me know if you have any ideas. The hardest thing that I'm dealing with is the smoking. The day that my son was having his medical problem and had to go to the emergency room, I started smoking again, and I haven't stopped. That's really disappointing because I hadn't smoked in 2 months before that. I WILL NOT be smoking when Chris gets home. As far as he knows, the smoking is behind me, and I'd like for that to be true. I have no cigarettes now. I finished them yesterday, and I'm wearing a nicotine patch now, so I just hope I'm not biting my nails and snapping at everyone today. It's now 4am, I have to be up in about two and a half hours to get to Wal-Mart and do my shopping. That's it. I'll be taking breaks throughout the day to check in here. Have a great day.

Diet Calendar Entry for 20 May 2013:
2398 kcal Activities & Exercise: Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
on diet hour glass diet  

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Talk about stress, you poor soul! No wonder you have trouble sleeping, sticking to the diet, keeping your temper, and not smoking! Good for you, though, in writing your journal with such honesty. I'm sure we've all been exactly where you are at some point. Of course there are direct links between stress and obesity... Is there any way you can regularly take a bit of time-out for yourself? Obviously not in the day you describe but at least some time? With the smoking, I gave it up myself 18 months ago and it was a bit like dieting -- a case of just getting through each 24 hours. And give yourself a break -- it's great that you managed to stay off it for a whole two months! Don't beat yourself up either, just because you slipped up and had one. You didn't fail; you just faltered. After all, if you were running a marathan and tripped, you wouldn't just throw in the towel there and then, would you? Not smoking gets easier every day, as the psychological cravings lessen, but try to line up in advance some healthier ways of dealing with stress, so you can whip them out when you need them (taking a walk, listening to music, drawing on support networks -- whatever works for you). Personally, I wonder why I ever smoked at all and now have a total aversion to it, especially the smell. Anyway, with such a busy day ahead, you probably won't read this reply till the end of it. Hope you managed to get through it. How was it in the end? If everything worked out okay, perhaps you didn't need to worry so much in the first place! Compared to so many people, your cup really is more than half full. So try to enjoy having your husband home, your daughter merrily banqueting, and your zumba-ing! Look forward to reading your journal again. Good luck!  
20 May 13 by member: startrekker
Ermmmm......re smoking. If its any help Ive lapsed too! Well I got down to 6 and got so fed up feeling like EVERYTHING was limited.... food, beer, fags I sort of decided to relax on the fags (thats my excuse and Im sticking to it lol lol). Now back on about 10 so Im not too pleased with myself either. My food is pretty much under control so thats given me a bit more energy to concentrate on the next thing........ beer! Then it will be back to the fags. Hopefully, for you, having Chris around will give you the incentive and reduce the stress a bit...... making it a bit easier. I HATE feeling like a little white stick controls my life!!!  
20 May 13 by member: Champers9
Thanks for your support guys. I just wanted to say that my day just got a little easier. My dad is going to get my daughter to her banquet, so that takes a lot of stress off of me. I had to go in the line at Wal-Mart where they sell cigs. I didn't even consider it. I'm done. 
20 May 13 by member: LisaPhenon
I quit smoking 16 years ago and still have a craving now and then, but when I've given in to it, it was NASTY! LOL! We ALL need some stress relief, some outlet to vent our anxiety and frustration from day to day irritations. Rather than a detox maybe just eat a lot of fruit and veggies? Big salads with lean protein, lots of water, etc.? Give yourself the good stuff that you need. Water is always my go-to. When I start feeling that way (I know exactly how you feel too, that gummed-up, chemical laden weighty feeling in your stomach and belly), I drink lots and lots of icy water with lemon. It really refreshes and helps wash it all out. So sorry I didn't see this earlier, I just got in from mowing the lawn and was talking online with my friend in a marriage crisis for an hour or so. 
20 May 13 by member: CollyMP
Hey, I just wanted to let you guys know that the day turned out better than I thought it would. I didn't smoke, but the urge led me to eat the worst food I could have eaten. I mean, I can't even log any food for the day, because I want to forget it ever happened. Of course, I'm paying the price. That's two days of crappy food. Even my stomachache didn't stop me from stuffing my face. I'm so disappointed in myself. Again, I want to thank you guys for your support.  
21 May 13 by member: LisaPhenon
Well thats your binge out of the way!!! Done and dusted! So forget it. Its a new day, start again. Bet you're waaaay to busy today in a much nicer way to be feeling the need to 'stuff face' lol. ENJOY 
21 May 13 by member: Champers9
The only way I stopped smoking and stayed smoke free was to read and reread the book Easyway To Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. Maybe you could order a copy and refer to it for encouragement. It's cheap and worth it many times over. 
21 May 13 by member: TristanZ

     
 

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