FullaBella's Journal, 07 May 2013

Tom Grunnick: What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?
Aaron Altman: Keep it to yourself.

That quote is from the movie Broadcast News and is so close to the philosophy that has imprisoned me most of my life. So, I hope anyone viewing my journal is sitting down because you're about to read something from me you rarely see.

I'm happy today. Stupid, silly, grateful, fearlessly, happy with my life today.

Yep, I said it outloud to my husband, murmered it as I rubbed Mushy's ears, hummed it as I watered the flowers, repeated it as I prepared lunch and here I am putting it out there in print on the interweb.

Don't scan ahead looking for 'it'. I haven't stepped on the scale. I didn't magically lose 10lbs. This isn't weight driven bliss. It's just freaky happiness. And I refuse to fear it.

The fearful me I don't want to be anymore tried to stop me. The cynic that says 'don't.... shhhh... don't tease fate... just put your head down and move on... ' Yep, she tried.

But the fearLESS me I WANT to BECOME refused.

So here goes another fearless act: I'm declaring May is going to be a GOOD month for me. After the hurricane, tornado and flood of crap that hit Bellawood in March and loitered in April (tenant issues, realtor problems, warehouse tresspassing damage, TV going out, A/C issues, unknown calls from the Justice of the Peace and oh that little issue of Identity Theft) it's time a month went my way. Yesterday I deposited the check from the realtor. That concludes THAT battle (we Won!!).

I received beautiful flowers on our 'day' and they are still intoxicatingly fragrant although they are showing signs of wilt and we had no catastrophes to survive. The sun is shining. I'm sitting in my store wearing shorts and sandels and my hair is tucked up beneath a cap and I'm happy. Strong. Confident. Happy.

Returning home from grocery shopping yesterday I prepared the most delightful single skillet dinner of mahi mahi, asparagus, onion, spinach, artichoke, and sundried tomatoes all simmered in a fantastic balsamic vinegar.

It was so delightful I only scooped half the portion of food I usually eat. I did NOT want anything to take that joy from me, particularly not being over full or uncomfortable. I love what ate and how I ate it.

Then for 'eating what I love'. Yes, I know that I'm not really hungry when I have my bowl of berries and cottage cheese after my nightly shower. I have that because I love the taste of it and enjoy every tiny bite eaten from a sorbet spoon (no shoveling that way) and I sleep better.

This morning another skillet delight of bacon, onion, spinach, egg & cheese for breakfast. Fabulous.

Then I enjoyed at least an hour playing in my backyard followed by preparing my husband's breakfast.

Following that I chopped carrots, onions, celery and potatoes while the pork roast browned. All simmered to finish in a slow cooker and my home smells wonderful. I acknowledged how much joy 'cooking' and 'eating' are bringing me. A year ago lunch was delivered cold and tasteless in styrofoam containers and paper bags. Today lunch was a 'melt in your mouth' pork roast and vegetables. I actually feel as if I'm discovering the joy of food again in a whole new light.

I'm happy. No, I'm not high nor have I gone completely insane. The TV is still too loud. American Dad continues to blast from the other room. I nearly sliced my fingertips off while chopping the vegetables. While I was thrilled 'Scrubbing Bubbles' did actually clean the soap scum from the glass walls (where Mr. Clean failed) I'm not so thrilled with a business transaction my husband made requiring us to just 'agree to disagree' to avoid arguing. Ahh, marriage and business partners. A high wire act at best.

But for the rest, today, I'm happy.

Stop looking around for an empty pod and thank you for reading.

Bella

Diet Calendar Entries for 07 May 2013:
1979 kcal Fat: 106.71g | Prot: 114.71g | Carb: 145.86g.   Breakfast: Bacon, Egg, Cheddar Cheese, Onions, Baby Spinach. Lunch: Onions, Potatoes (Flesh, with Salt, Boiled), Pork Loin (Tenderloin), Celery, Cucumber (with Peel), Tomatoes, Butter Whipped (Salted). Dinner: Onions, Baby Spinach, Mariani Sun Dried Tomatoes, Kirkland Signature Artichoke Hearts Marinated in Oil, Classico Creations Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto Sauce, American Pride Mahi Mahi, Balsamic Vinegar. Snacks/Other: Fage Total 0% Greek Yogurt (Container), Mission Flour Tortillas (Fajita Size), Spectrum Chia Seeds, Schwan's Golden Fruit Blend, Dry Roasted Almonds (with Salt Added), Beef Porterhouse Steak (Trimmed to 1/8" Fat, Choice Grade), Cheddar Cheese. more...
1934 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Lovely! Enjoy this happy day and Month and maybe the rest of the year too! Your food choices sound amazing too. Great inspiration for me too! HUGS! 
07 May 13 by member: Neptunebch
oops I mean "air kisses" no hugs for you. :) 
07 May 13 by member: Neptunebch
Ooh, Ooh, happiness is catching! I felt my face turn all smiley as I read your journal! Let's all have a happy May. I'm making lemonade out of my lemons, exercising my brain when my body won't go, and trying new exercise classes when it will! I headed for new classes this morning, not knowing if my pals would show, then had the delight of two of them right by me through both classes. I'm so glad you won that battle, that you can play in the yard, wear shorts and sandals, eat delicious food you prepare; glad that you life is GOOD. 
07 May 13 by member: crabby Kat
That's it, Bella! Embrace each & every moment. Thanks for bringing some light to my day. 
07 May 13 by member: Sweet Ce
Woop!! Happy happy all around! :) 
07 May 13 by member: erika2633
Ah I hear the birdies singin' and the bees a buzzin' and sun a shinin'! Glory days ahead for us all! YAY! Thanks for your ray of sunshine. 
07 May 13 by member: Mom2Boxers
excellent, taking charge and being respoonsible for your own happiness. 
07 May 13 by member: elk2804
Hi Bella, again I am sorry I missed this yesterday. And I am so freakin' delighted that you were happy and that you were fearless enough to share it. I too fear to share when I'm happy because I also fear that it will be short lived. You and I and so many others are chameleon's and our moods are mercurial. We can be happy today and lower than skunks the next. But I applaud you for declaring May a good for you month. Yes, May will be fantastic. Your food sounds amazing, the way you enjoyed it sounds amazing and OMG you are sitting in SHORTS. You sound wonderful. I can picture a lovely woman in shorts with her hair tucked up under a cap, tendrils escaping with a happy smile on her face, patting MushyFace - wow, I hope today is just as awesome and if for some reason it isn't you are still wonderful and we all love you to bits. Shorts for goodness sake, you rock! 
08 May 13 by member: sarahsmum
This was beautiful. :) 
08 May 13 by member: RavenSoul69
Wow - I'm definitely behind in responding to the very kind people who comment on my journal. Thank you for your patience and understanding when I lag - I think I've mentioned I sometimes like to hang back and see what people say when I don't interfere :-) @Neptune - thank you. So far, 9 days in, May is looking good. And I am even working on the 'hug' thing ... trying to change but air kisses to you too! @ Kitkat - lemonade sounds really good right now - I am thirsty but had enough 'water'. @Ce - I have been.. moving slower.. smiling more.. really enjoying all that is around me. @ Erika ~ thank you my little bride to be :-) @ M2B - ya know, I love those birds. They are messy and a little ungrateful and sure chatter if I'm late feeding but I think we're finding a balanced compromise in the back yard @ Elk - well, I know in the end I'm responsible but for the past two months I've had to be in denial to be happy because of 'so much' but this month it's been genuine happiness. @Isabel - you paint a much lovelier picture of me than reality but that's ok. No 'tendrils' - I even tried a few this morning but they just sort of 'stuck out'... still wearing the shorts and thanks to the cap have shaved 1/2 hour off my 'dress for work' time so that's great. @Raven - thank you so much. Thanks again everyone. I say this here and in real life - I don't believe I'd be doing as well as I am right now if not for this site. You're all wonderful inspiring caring people. I'm so grateful for you all. 
09 May 13 by member: FullaBella

     
 

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