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A few days ago I found again my old smartphone of 5 years ago. Last time it happened to be in my hands, the pictures in there made me cry... My mum, my wedding, my old friends from university, some good concerts, some amazing holidays. Today they did not make me cry and I actually found a way to download the pics on my laptop.
There's a picture of the Moroccan desert and a picture of Italian seaside. They brought me back all the nice memories connected to those trips. I feel happy about the life I have and all the wonderful experiences I had.
The past two weeks have been tough.
I had to book my yearly check up and that brings me back so many thoughts that my motivation flies away. I am afraid of having cancer, since all the women in my family had breast cancer. I try my best to keep the risk low, by doing sports, eating healthy and not drinking much (let's say a glass of wine per week).
So, I have tons of doubts about staying in Germany, keeping the relationship with my partner, starting a new job as researcher.
At this very moment I feel like giving up on all my dreams, plans, expectations and all I built here to just go and live with my family. The point is, except from my daddy, I don't like them and I don't get along with them (actually, nobody does...).
They are not so important to me. I just need to feel "at home" and "protected" till the check up is done. I know all these messy emotions will fly away, it happened every single year.
I really hope the benign cancer I have in my breasts stayed so, and did not turn into a malign one. I am too young for this.
Well, a good way not to think about this is sports. I went swimming last Friday, today again and yesterday I went climbing. Planning to buy the belt and the safety stuff, so I wont have to rent them every time. I gave myself climbing shoes as a self X mas present :)
Planning to go running tomorrow, or at least doing some aerobics home. Now I have proper weights (dumbells and ankle weights) a mat and a flexible stripe/band to do some stretching.
Now that my DP stuff is in place, there's definitely more space in the living room :)
I might start practicing yoga again :)
Have a good time, buddies! Life is good!
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