Sweet Ce's Journal, 01 May 2013

I've been avoiding this... not sure why but I do enjoy putting things in writing so, again, don't know why I've avoided it but I'm here now and inspired by others....

My week at sis's place is coming to an end and I feel both relieved and sad. It's always nice to re-connect with her and it's always a bit painful. I did realize, however, that eating with her is filled with anxiety. I don't know if it's her anxiety or mine but I feel it with every breath and fiber of my being. I begin to swallow food whole, race to the end and never breath in between. So, I try to slow down and find that I'm just not able to put food past my lips. Practicing consciousness at her table (with or without the hubby & kids) is good because I feel the anxiety of eating and I know that if I continue to stuff food past my lips I'll only get indigestion. So I just refrained from eating with them. I made my own meals at later times and I did much better.

I also learned that when she and I talk things through we both grow a little bit more and so does our relationship. Some of the topics were difficult but we've proven our love for each other is strong and enduring. We may have had a tough time as kids and that time may have been a "fend for yourself" experience, but we are adults now and each has value and gifts the other mightn't have, and we give freely of ourselves to each other while respecting our own and each other's prerogative to do things her own way.

As the relationship continues to evolve, perhaps one day we'll be able to sit down to meal together where neither of us is using the food to push away feelings of any sort, but just truly enjoy the sight, smell, and flavor of the food and the company.... One can hope for such an evolution.

Diet Calendar Entries for 01 May 2013:
1281 kcal Fat: 54.54g | Prot: 48.05g | Carb: 154.35g.   Breakfast: Bananas, Almond Butter. Lunch: Olive Oil, Feta Cheese, Mixed Salad Greens, Portabella Mushrooms (Grilled). Dinner: Amy's Rice Mac & Cheese, Precious Fresh Mozzarella Cheese. Snacks/Other: Orgain Sweet Vanilla Bean High Protein Shake, Oranges, Bananas. more...
2921 kcal Activities & Exercise: Shopping - 3 hours and 30 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 30 minutes, Resting - 1 hour, Sleeping - 8 hours, Desk Work - 7 hours, Sitting - 4 hours. more...

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Great journal and progress. Wonderful to read you made it out alive and stronger. 
01 May 13 by member: FullaBella

     
 

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