shmiller's Journal, 31 August 2010

Wish I knew what was going on. I've never had a problem with motivation. I just decide I want something and come hell or high water, by God that's what I'll do. I was gangbusters with this for months. Lost 40 pounds. Exercised everyday. Then summer came and I just quit. It's ridiculous. It seemed that everytime I was ready to re-start, I had some reason I should wait "just until the 4th of July Party is Over" "Just until after vacation" "just until after the Miller Reunion" "just until school starts." Now here I am, ten pounds fatter, and I still can't get my ass in gear. WTF? I know "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I get all that. I know how good it feels to drop the pant's size and toss out the old ones. I know how good I feel after a hard workout. So what the hell is wrong with me???

Diet Calendar Entry for 31 August 2010:
1356 kcal Fat: 35.83g | Prot: 67.66g | Carb: 197.00g.   Breakfast: Sugar, Jif peanut butter, deli flats. Lunch: chips ahoy 100 calorie, chocolate milk, celery, mayo, lettuce, Croutons, canned tuna. Dinner: pasta, meatball. Snacks/Other: red delicious apple, peach. more...

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Sometimes we sabotage ourselves on purpose. Ask yourself what you are afraid of? I sometimes have problems with motivation particularly if random people comment on how much more attractive I am looking. I actually find this threatening. This is due to being a rape survivor. At some level I believe that being fat keeps me safe from attack. Is there some emotional tie keeping you from going further? "Good parents don't care about their own appearance." "Losing more weight may make my husband insecure." "My best friend is fat, I feel like I'm back-stabbing her." All this kind of mental junk can keep us from believing we deserve to reach our goals. 
10 Sep 10 by member: WiiFitFatty

     
 

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