ebonyr's Journal, 20 April 2013


I have started and stopped this journey countless times over the past decade. I have gotten lost, found my way back, stumbled more than once. I have probably lost 300 pounds or more all told, but times when I have gained back have made what was probably a two year journey a ten year saga.

This past year has made me realize, more than ever, that this is not about the food or the diet as much as it is about my personal will, determination and plain stubbornness (both good and bad). I was really stuck for a long, long time between 230 and 245. I couldn't push past 228 no matter how hard I tried. This year I was able to break through and am finally making real solid progress again. And I am getting a better and better handle on why.

I have seen quotes in folks' siggie lines that said things like "Every crunch brings you closer to goal" or "every bite off plan leaves you further from where you want to be".

Needless to say I never really bought into it. There were lots of times when I ate a LITTLE off plan (not a binge) and didn't gain. Sometimes I might even get really lucky and lose. And exercise is great, makes me feel good, but did it really hurt to miss one run or one weight session here and there? Probably not from a physical standpoint.


I now realize that the decisions to eat those little off plan bites and those lazy days without exercise did far more damage than I realized. Recently I have recognized more and more that this is all about your mental game. Every time I fail to do what I should I am weakening my conviction to see this through to the end. Every time I blow off the gym I am breaking the promise to myself to do what's best for me. Every time I take "just one bite" it makes it easier to do so the next time because I have already told myself it's OK once before so I know I am flawed and can't fight the urge.

This is the real danger of not following through each and every day. We have all seen it---we get close to where we want to be, everything is humming along and then--we fall apart for no apparent reason. Overconfidence. Stubbornness that we can handle it. A refusal to surrender completely to the plan and just follow it as it should be.

I know I can't play around with this and lose. In fact, I can't even lose on Atkins--I have to go the extra step to the Candida diet. But I know that total surrender is the only way I will get to goal. I can no longer kid myself that a pretty good effort is good enough. Not for a 52 year old woman who has been obese most of her life. Pretty good doesn't cut it. And as far as cheating and getting back on? Well we often say don't feel guilty just get back on plan quickly. We say that because guilt often leads to feeling bad about ourselves which often leads to even more binging. The fact is we should feel a little bad. Because we are worth it and we let ourselves down. We broke a promise. But the way to fix that is to promise to do better next time and get busy at doing it, not wallow and eat even more.

So, I am just spouting off to tell all of you who have been fiddling around, seesawing a bit, not really losing but not doing too bad, that it may be time to reevaluate your commitment to yourself. Are you giving it your all? Or are you coasting along? Have you been lax? Has "good enough" been good enough?

Just saying...

by Chinadoll

Diet Calendar Entry for 20 April 2013:
1575 kcal Fat: 121.67g | Prot: 86.83g | Carb: 48.19g.   Breakfast: Cabbage, Poultry Seasoning, Hodgson Mill Milled Flaxseed, Mushrooms, Sainsbury's Double Cream, Coffee, Sainsbury's Creme Fraiche, Chicken Thigh, Olive Oil. Lunch: Sainsbury's Basics Crunchy Salad, Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise, Cucumber (with Peel), Cheddar Cheese. Dinner: Butter (Salted), Cauliflower, Olive Oil, Poultry Seasoning, Tomatoes, Tilapia (Fish), Palm Vegetable Oil, Spinach. Snacks/Other: Cocoa Powder (Unsweetened), Splenda Splenda, Sainsbury's Creme Fraiche, Vanilla Extract. more...
on diet Atkins  


....I totally agree :) 
22 Apr 13 by member: schmetterling34


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