jenrose82's Journal, 24 August 2010

The truth makes me mad.

This was especially true before I started dieting almost 2 months ago. I'd see posts from my Facebook friends who are losing weight and they would be saying "I lost X so far, yay!" and it always made me mad, I guess I should say that it was actually jealousy. I know how to lose weight, I just wasn't even close to trying. It would usually be the days when I decided to have donuts for breakfast, or a snack of mozzarella sticks (yeah, the fried ones) and a chocolate shake for a snack, thats when I'd see other people making better decisions. If it wasn't jealousy, then the anger was at myself. I am not mad at other people for making good decisions, but I am constantly down on myself for making bad ones.

I've been reading a lot about dieting and weight loss recently since it has been such a big thing for me to focus my attention on recently. I'll read about obesity as a disease, and the difference between how skinny people eat and how obese people eat. Skinny people can use self control and moderation, where obese people seem to have no will power. True or not, i'm sure some of that is accurate. There are times when I would have a snack, a bad snack, and I would think to myself that I shouldnt have that kind of food in the house. What do I do? I tell myself that I could just eat it all, and then its gone. Once I eat it all, there's no more left to eat. That would be all fine and dandy if it wasn't bad food to begin with, if it was the last bad food in the house, and if I wasn't just going to replace it the next time I go to the store! Ugh. I hate that I've had this problem! It even got to the point where I'd make sure I wasn't hungry until I was out running errands... I'll just get a snack while I'm out! That was always the worst foods. Fried foods, mostly. The first thing I decided I needed to avoid like the plague once I was determined to eat right was the fried food. I've been really good about it, I think its been almost 2 months since I had a fried food. At least I'm pretty sure I haven't messed up on that one. For sure in the past month I've been extra careful.

Anyhow, I just wanted to rant about that. I get extra uncomfortable sometimes around the truth because it makes me feel bad and guilty for not making better decisions. Certainly no one needs to put me down since I do plenty of that myself.

Diet Calendar Entry for 24 August 2010:
950 kcal Fat: 35.16g | Prot: 99.31g | Carb: 79.45g.   Breakfast: Chocolate Crunch Meal Bar. Lunch: Dutch Chocolate Shake, Coffee (Instant Powder, Decaffeinated, with Water), 2% String Cheese Sticks, Cucumber (Peeled). Dinner: Annie's Lowfat Gingerly Vinaigrette, reduced fat feta cheese, romaine lettuce, red tomato, part skim mozzarella, green bell peppers, medifast eggs. Snacks/Other: medifast strawberry crunch, Coffee (Instant Powder, Decaffeinated), medifast brownie, Breast & White Meat Turkey. more...
on diet Medifast  


I admire you for many things Jenrose82, but you have a wonderful way of writing, I couldn't stop reading your journal today because of the way it was written. So I admire that you have such talent, and, I admire that you know yourself and are not fooling her one iota. So take that to the bank Jenrose82, I don't know you and I feel proud of you. 
24 Aug 10 by member: cjhall


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