LisaPhenon's Journal, 09 April 2013

I have lost my way. I can feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I keep trying to remind myself why I'm changing my way of life, but it's getting harder and harder to remember why I'm doing this. I haven't been recording my food and exercise as much. I've been sneaking just a cookie... just one more won't hurt. I skipped zumba last night. It's like I'm falling down a hole, like I'm being sucked in. I know what kind of despair is on the bottom of that hole. I can't live that life anymore. I want to be happy and healthy, but the hard part is reprogramming my mind. It has to feel natural to eat the right thing and workout. It's so difficult to create new habits. I've been at this for over a month. Sometimes I think I have it, but just one misstep (which usually happens on the weekend) can lead to many more bad choices. Like I told someone recently, it's a slippery slope, and I'm slipping.

Diet Calendar Entry for 09 April 2013:
1067 kcal Fat: 35.55g | Prot: 35.28g | Carb: 155.09g.   Breakfast: Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars - Cinnamon, Great Value French Vanilla Creamer, Coffee. Lunch: Taco Bell Cantina Bowl - Chicken. Dinner: Cinnabon Cinnamon Crunch Cereal, Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla Milk. Snacks/Other: Edy's Fruit Bar No Sugar Added. more...
on diet hour glass diet  

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I'll stand right here and hold your hand so you can stop slipping. We can do this, you and I just need a little extra help and we can provide it for each other. It really is SO easy to slip into old habits and to let that affect your mood and sense of self worth. It's only been a month, you can't be perfect all the time for the rest of time, there will be occasional slip ups. The hard part is to accept it and move on. We're only human, we make mistakes, but our earnest intention here is to take better care of ourselves, both for our physical health and for our emotional and mental health as well. It's a lot easier to have better self-esteem when you know you're doing what you can to take good care of yourself. For what it's worth-I fully expect it to take a couple of years, if not more, to lose the weight I need to lose. I need that much time to reset my habits. I don't know if you've heard of her, but Flylady is a...well she's kind of a life coach but approaches it from a unique angle. Declutter your house and it declutters your life, mind and body. She says it can take a month to change ONE habit. Well you and I have a fair few habits that need tweaking, right? We can't change a lot of habits in just one month. Each one needs individual attention and time. Since we're trying to change a lot of things, I think each of them is going to take a bit longer. We do live in an instant gratification society where things are supposed to be easy, you can look at any ladies magazine with a ginormous cake on the cover and see a headline that says "Lose 20 pounds by May 1". No mixed message there or anything, right? But the reality is, it just isn't that easy. Taking off weight takes time and can be very frustrating, and for those of us that expect perfection from ourselves, it can sometimes be a path to the place where our mind starts being horrible to us. So, you and me, we'll hold hands and work our way back up that slippery slope and get out of the hole and continue down the path together, okay?  
09 Apr 13 by member: CollyMP
I cant think of anything to add - Colly covered it all. Offering you another hand to help climb out of the hole.  
09 Apr 13 by member: FullaBella
same here..it takes time and doesnt happen overnight..it took me a year to reach under my goal weight and then i slipped..gained 9 pounds back and now i am back on track or at least trying..we all slip at some point ..dont let gilt get to you..you just started..we've been there..just keep trying..you will see result slowly but surely.. 
09 Apr 13 by member: gogo64
Thank you for the support. I know I will never be perfect, but I'm getting better. I'm getting smarter. I'm getting closer to figuring out how to be happy. It's just a process. I realize that. I won't give up.  
09 Apr 13 by member: LisaPhenon
Hold on, Lisa! You are a strong woman!!!! If you feel as though you are in that boat alone, let me tell you that you aren't! You mention weekends as a weekness. That is the same here. But *dangit*, I'm not going to let that get the best of me. Yes, I cheat on my diet (heavily) and miss workouts, but I'm just human, like you. Think of it this way, you didn't learn to walk first, you had to crawl. Each step and right decision brings us closer to what makes us happy. Good luck and keep your head up!! 
09 Apr 13 by member: KatieTyrell
Lisa, I want you to know this... your buddies are here for all the support you could possibly imagine. We've all been where you are. We all need help, and we all get it from the people and the tools here. If we could physically walk you though it, we would. Sadly, we need to take the actual steps of accomplishing this with us only standing on the sideline, cheering you on. However, know this: I started up at a HUGE man - I was at 360 lbs. Losing that weight has set me free in ways that I have no words for. I can not even start to describe how amazing it is at the other end of that journey. Every little thing I have said no to, every little thing I have done extra to make it here has SO been worth the effort. And every single step of the way my buddies have been here, just like we are here for you. Please don't give up. Please don't reject this amazing option to have a MUCH MUCH better life. Put in the effort, get stubborn and hard-headed and do this. You will never, ever regret it. I promise you this.  
09 Apr 13 by member: kingkeld
Kingkeld if I may elaborate on what you said up there, I found one part really profoundly important-you stated every LITTLE thing, and that to me says a very BIG thing. It takes tiny little things adding up to get where you (and I, and the rest of the good people here) want to go. EVERY. SINGLE. LITTLE. THING. adds up, adds to your total successes, adds to your new life as a thinner healthier person. If you cannot do a big thing today then do a little thing-it's one more thing than you could do yesterday, one more thing than you might otherwise do. Do enough of those little things, often enough, and for long enough, and this will work. 
09 Apr 13 by member: CollyMP
What an awesome way to look at all this. Sometimes the big picture is overwhelming. Visualizing myself in the body that I want just seems like a fantasy, some unattainable dream. But, if I just pay attention to everything I'm doing... big and small, then maybe I can feel successful everyday.  
09 Apr 13 by member: LisaPhenon
Well that's how it came across to me, so I had to say something! LOL-it hit me like a ton of bricks!  
09 Apr 13 by member: CollyMP

     
 

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