DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 02 April 2013

Ok fitnessy type peoples. I'm trying to keep with my new years resolution to write something. Anything. I've wanted to write something and have it published since I was in high school. I'm no longer in high school.... So read. Give me thoughts, feedback, tell me to keep my day job... but most importantly. What do you think? It's cut and paste so ignore the lack of format.. it may make your eyes bleed. Maybe you don't want to read it.

Chapter 5: Run Cupcake, Run!!!
Mackayla pulled her car over when she got to one of the back roads leading into town. Dressed in her new running shoes, shorts, and a happy dancing cupcake t-shirt she was ready to get moving. She just wasn’t ready for everyone in town to see her get moving. She decided to jog. She saw people jogging past the store every day in their spandex pants with their ipods strapped to their arms. It didn’t look hard. It looked peaceful. She could relax, enjoy the countryside, and burn off the chocolate chip cookie she snuck in right after breakfast. She decided she would start out slow and only do a mile then build up to going further in the next couple days.
Taking a quick look around her she did a few quick stretches she remembered from high school gym class and off she went with confidence and a burst of pride. Maybe she would surprise herself and do 2 miles today she thought to herself with new found confidence.
A little while into the run she started to feel winded and took a quick look at her watch only to discover in horror that she had been jogging for only 2 minutes and decided to slow her pace a little. If she was going to make it back to her car she would have to pace herself. She was still gasping for air but her fear of needing a ventilator in the middle of nowhere was lessoning. It also allowed her to look around her without fearing that she was going to face plant onto the road in front of her. As she cleared a clump of trees cows appeared on the side of the road behind a wire fence reaching through to munch the grass on the other side. This was what she meant by peaceful she thought. She could clear her head and enjoy the countryside.
When the cows spotted her they paused. Apparently seeing a 5’4” 180 lb woman jogging down the road was more interesting than the clover in front of them. When she passed them she noticed they were starting to move along the fence line with her at a slow casual speed. She glanced back after a few seconds and realized to her horror that the cows were keeping up with her. 2,000 lb cows were casually walking along the fence line and were keeping up with her. It was then that she realized that her jog was more of a walk. Sure she was swinging her arms, sweat was pouring down her face, her feet felt like they were on fire inside her new shoes, and she was confident she was feeling the burn everyone kept talking about but she was feeling the burn at a snail’s pace that was so slow the cows were keeping pace with her. The worst part she realized was the cows didn’t look winded. There were some that were passing her! She’s in worse shape than a cow!
That was when she saw them. In the field across the street there were men walking through the field picking strawberries. If she could have melted into the asphalt she would have.
“Ms. O’Keefe! You doin ok?” one of the men yelled. She recognized half of them from the shop but didn’t know any of their names.
“I’m fine! Just out for a little jog!” she tried to yell back. The only problem is it came out as more of a wheeze or a croak so she waved to them in the universal “nothing to see here” sign. It only seemed to draw more attention as more of them stopped what they were doing to watch her slow procession past the field. She had finally reached the next road and could turn to her relief. It was then that she realized much to her horror that she was only ¼ of the way through her jog.
She wanted desperately to turn back at this point but her pride wouldn’t let her. She would rather die then turn around and jog back in front of everyone. “I can do this. I can do this.” She began to chant to herself.
“Moooooooooooooooooove!” came a loud bellow from the cow beside her. She may have past the workers but the cows were still keeping up.
“I’m” gasp “moving!” she replied before it dawned on her that the cows were talking to her. Were hallucinations during jogging common? This could explain how all those people in spandex seemed so content as they jogged up and down Main Street. They weren’t really content. They were insane!
“Mooooooooooooooooooooooove!” “Mooove” “Mooooooooove!” now it wasn’t just one cow. It was all the cows. They were all talking to her. They were bossing her around.
“Mackayla? Is that you?”
She finally stopped moving and stared at the cows. This was getting serious now. The cows knew her name. Maybe turning around and going the other way wasn’t a bad idea.

Diet Calendar Entry for 02 April 2013:
1577 kcal Fat: 67.12g | Prot: 117.02g | Carb: 126.00g.   Breakfast: Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Sugar, Cream (Half & Half), Egg, Chobani Nonfat Black Cherry Greek Yogurt (Container). Lunch: fresh express FRESH EXP SLD HEARTS OF ROm, Tyson Foods Fully Cooked Crispy Chicken Strips, Ken's Steak House Lite Honey Mustard Dressing, Laughing Cow Mini Babybel Bonbel Cheese. Dinner: Pork Loin (Tenderloin), Broccoli, Nature Valley Protein Chewy Bars - Peanut, Almond & Dark Chocolate, Eggo Homestyle Waffle s. Snacks/Other: Melster Bunny Marshmallow Treat, York Peppermint Pattie (Fun Size). more...
on diet Atkins  


HILARIOUS - was it meant to be? Or, it could become a serious story about transformation... 
02 Apr 13 by member: HCB
lol yes and yes.. I think. I've always been told to write what I know. Right now it's about fiber farts and transforming my body. so... its a story about fiber farts and transforming your body. Or.. it's just about fiber farts. I'm only on chapter 6. 
02 Apr 13 by member: DairyFarmersWife
Pretty funny, still laughing!! SC 
02 Apr 13 by member: Sharon Caulkins
Love it - I would buy the book!  
02 Apr 13 by member: Skinnygirl223
I like it! I would read it that's for sure. I got to the end and wanted to keep reading, so by all means keep going!! You always keep us entertained here, so I'm sure you would keep a larger audience than us laughing. Love the cows! 
02 Apr 13 by member: mars2kids
Keep writing, I want to know how it ends! Writers are fantastic people. I love to read and it amazes me how someone can come up with a story that takes you on a mini vacation from your everyday life :) I love to read your journals, your descriptions take you right to the place you are talking about every time and are full of humor!  
02 Apr 13 by member: skirch97
I really like the storyline a lot. I just think it needs more visual description. That way it makes you feel like you are right there. 
02 Apr 13 by member: iamachristianjesusfreak
Love it!!! When will we get to read more? 
03 Apr 13 by member: schmetterling34
I like it! Entertaining :) 
03 Apr 13 by member: Bkeller1023
Thanks all the feedback! I will keep plugging away. Next I think I'm going to add butt sweat rings. Yaknow how you workout then get into a seat with leather and when you get up you notice you left two butt cheek imprints? Pretty! 
03 Apr 13 by member: DairyFarmersWife
Love your writing, I too wanted to know what happened next. 
03 Apr 13 by member: nalaqueen
It really picked up & got me interested! I want to KNOW who said her name. That is the whole reason I devour books. I want to KNOW. Great job!  
03 Apr 13 by member: jessabridge4444
It really did make me laugh out loud. Very very funny. I do want more...please please keep up the good work. Fiber farts ? 
03 Apr 13 by member: sharonfriz
If I would have read that samplein the Amazon Kindle bookstore, I would definitely have clicked on the "buy now " button! Keep writing! Butt sweat! I learned never to use a paper toilet.seat cover after Zumba ; the paper sticks.to my sweaty butt! :oD 
03 Apr 13 by member: crabby Kat
That is great! I too wanted to keep reading! But I don't think it needs more visual descriptions like someone else said. Of course that's just me. I always skip over those parts in the books because I really don't care how green the trees was or how white the snow was. I get it...trees are green & snow is white - move on LOL 
03 Apr 13 by member: Adrienne54
Maybe it needs more description like sweat going down your buttcrack or feeling the jiggle as she jogs. Personally when I tried jogging I had to keep putting my bra back in place because the jiggle kept rearranging things on me. I may need a sports bra or somethin. 
03 Apr 13 by member: DairyFarmersWife
Hope you read my review on your journal of this morning!  
03 Apr 13 by member: BuffyBear
To funny!!!!  
03 Apr 13 by member: Rubie-sue
I did! Thanks Buffy! 
03 Apr 13 by member: DairyFarmersWife
That's hilarious!! I can just vision this...the road, the cows and the woman jogging...please write more! 
04 Apr 13 by member: aggie95


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