sierra1167's Journal, 20 March 2013

Just guessing on the weight because I didn't weigh today. I hate it that I am so wishy washy. I hate it that all I seem to have are excuses. I hate what I am doing to myself. I hate that I always seem to lose momentum and gain back plus some. Back on the wagon again.
215.0 lb Lost so far: 0 lb.    Still to go: 85.0 lb.    Diet followed poorly.

Diet Calendar Entry for 20 March 2013:
1330 kcal Fat: 88.02g | Prot: 92.63g | Carb: 29.46g.   Breakfast: coffee with sweetner, diet cherry pepsi. Lunch: gold peak, ranch dressing, real bacon bits, extra sharp cheddar, iceberg lettuce, peas, egg, Tomatoes, cottage cheese, Strawberries, chicken breast . Dinner: Pork Chops or Roasts (Sirloin, Boneless), Margarine, Water (Bottled), Real Mayo, Broccoli Normandy. Snacks/Other: Sugar Free Mint Patties. more...
on diet Atkins  

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Me too - I totally understand. I'm not even trying to diet right now - it seems so futile and useless. Am just hoping the the drive comes back soon, because I am only 4 pounds away from my heaviest. :( I spose when it happens, it happens. 
20 Mar 13 by member: tsmamma
It is just so frustrating isn't it? I'm sorry you are going through it too. I rededicate myself to it and do well for a few days and then before I know it, I'm making compromises. You know...the old "I slipped up so this day is shot anyway, I will just start again tomorrow". Then tomorrow becomes after the weekend...or next week...ugh. Hang in there. 
21 Mar 13 by member: sierra1167
It is frustrating, to be sure. I even told my husband the other day...Maybe some people are just Meant to be fat, and that maybe that's not so bad as long as you're healthy and happy. But there's the problem...I'm not sure that I'm either one, really. It's such a merry-go-round. Too bad we can't just quit cold turkey, huh? All the decisions are just soooo wearying!! 
21 Mar 13 by member: tsmamma
I agree and can relate so much to what you're saying. Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if I just let it go. I mean, every day I have this inner battle with my self over food. FOOD! Not alcohol or drugs. FOOD! Plus there's the rollercoaster of being happy with myself when I am doing it right and losing but then crashing into depression when I fail and gain. Then the depression just makes me comfort myself with food which is self defeating also. I know I am not happy being fat, but the battle is stressing me out. I am getting mad at myself and getting desperate to figure out what will help me. I have even toyed with the idea of getting the electronic cigarette. I definitely don't want to smoke real ones, but I know I ate less years ago when I smoked. Maybe the nicotine would help me feed the need. I don't know. I am just rambling now. Thank you for understanding. 
22 Mar 13 by member: sierra1167

     
 

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