CollyMP's Journal, 20 March 2013

I'm strangely happy about being the same weight today as I was yesterday. I've noticed that the "bounce" has gotten less pronounced and drastic-2/10 of a pound instead of 2 pounds, for example. The weight loss graph looks less like a toddlers drawing and more like a wave over the last couple of weeks. Probably because there are fewer instances of binge eating, and even when there have been "episodes" they have been not quite so catastrophic (like yesterdays bread sticks!) and I've been able to stop before I made myself miserable.

Realized this morning I have lost about 20% of the total weight I want to lose. That's a long term goal, but it still feels good to be there! When I get to my short term goal it will be the lowest I've weighed since being back in the US. Kind of bittersweet, that one-I had all these beautiful work clothes that I had gotten a size too big for, when we came back, and saved them thinking after getting into the house and being able to cook every day I'd lose the weight again. Eventually I got rid of all those beautiful clothes because it became clear that simply not eating out every meal, like we had done when we were living in a hotel waiting to close on the house, wasn't going to drop the pounds off. I very briefly was able to squeeze into them again, but promptly gained that weight back when my knees started giving me problems. I loved those clothes, and I haven't had as many clothes since then. I just haven't wanted to get a nice new wardrobe because I couldn't get a handle on eating, and then have to get rid of them all again when I gained too much weight to wear them.

Truth is, I never learned to eat "right", for various reasons. I never paid attention to the calorie counts, never knew how many calories I really needed, always ate whenever the opportunity presented itself, without stopping to consider whether I was actually hungry. Sometimes I was just eating because it was there and someone else was eating as well. I'm sure blame could be laid on others for my bad habits but in the end they were and are MY bad habits. I saw what was happening and did not look for the tools to fix the problem. I just wished it weren't a problem. That doesn't work, just in case anyone was wondering! LOL!

Diet Calendar Entry for 20 March 2013:
1465 kcal Fat: 58.92g | Prot: 71.53g | Carb: 156.51g.   Lunch: mixed greens, cheddar cheese, chow mein noodles, taco meat, hidden valley ranch reduced fat ranch . Dinner: chicken lo mein, chicken fried rice. Snacks/Other: cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, pepperidge farm baked naturals simply pretzel thins, english muffin bread, wheat thins. more...
on diet CollyMP's own diet  

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Comments 
According to your graph, it looks like you're making good progress. Even staying at the same weight is an accomplishment, since it's not gaining, at least in my opinion. 
20 Mar 13 by member: Theblurch
Aw, thanks! It is sometimes difficult for me to realize that the graph in general goes DOWN, which is a positive thing. Those little blips on the radar most likely have very little to do with my willpower, or overdoing it on calories (because really, I only have gone over once, and it was by 19 calories). Most likely it's caused by too much sodium or a medication reaction with a food, or some other totally random variable. My knees and hands are often swollen, it could at times simply be that. Fact is, I AM losing weight, consistently.  
20 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
Yeah, just keep telling yourself that slow progress is still progress. Keep it up! 
20 Mar 13 by member: Theblurch
At my age, slow progress is best, I think. The skin, it does not bounce back as it did in ones 20...or even ones 30's, for that matter! I've seen people that had the lap-band or other gastric surgery, and their skin droops and sags. I'm hoping that it will be minimal as I'm trying to lose at a steady and reasonable pace. 
20 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
If wishes were fishes we'd all swim instead of crawl :-) You're doing fabulous my friend. And the wave is a pretty good graph - better than an EKG drawing :-) 
20 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
LOL-so very true! Yeah, I'm done with just wishing things would change, I'm changing them myself!  
20 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
Entirely agree with everything above you are doing so well. Keep it up! onwards and downwards!  
20 Mar 13 by member: riocaz
No matter how small the progress it is still good. The skin thing is sooo very true. I had a hairdresser who had the gastric surgery show me why she was wearing long sleeves in the middle of summer. I totally understand now, as I am buying long sleeves to cover my bat wings this summer, at least the shirts will be in a size large or maybe even medium. 
20 Mar 13 by member: 2toofat
Yup-I need to set a start date for doing some arm toning with hand weights, and just DO it. It's time. I'm tired of always feeling like I have to keep my arms covered. I have vitiligo, a skin condition that results in large patches of non-pigmented skin, but I am honestly more uncomfortable with my bat wings! LOL! My white patches are in my armpits, and tanning lotion disguises them well. Can't disguise fat floppy arms! 
20 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
And that's TOO RIGHT-at least the clothes are a smaller size, this summer! Good for you! 
20 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
LOL - after losing & regaining 100+lbs 3 times in 3 decades I have unrecoverable batwings or bingo arms or whatever you'd call it. I refrain from wearing a sleeveless blouse on windy days for the safety of all children. But, hey, we have issues or we have surgery. I doubt I'll ever subject my body to the surgery all for the sake of wearing a tank top. It's my body ~ and after all it's endured from me I need to love it back ~ and I do. 
20 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
LOL-my boss in the UK called them "bingo wings". Mine are still recoverable to a certain extent, I think. My stomach is a lost cause, I may see if I can just get a button and loop installed and just fold it in and button over it. Just this winter I got these weird little blobs on my inner thighs-no idea what that's all about, I've never had heavy legs so these weird little pillows are like aliens! I have thought, off and on, about surgery on the belly flap at least, but at the end of the day, when they make Spanx that smooth over all the bumps and lumps, why would I spent tens of thousands of dollars to be knocked out and carved up, to MAYBE fit into a smaller size? I understand that some people have a LOT of loose skin and really need to have it removed for medical reasons, and I totally support that because it's a quality of life issue. But strictly to look like I haven't had babies? Nope. Not worth it. I HAVE had babies, the last one was a whopper and I carried like he was in a recliner-I knew even then I would NOT recover from that! LOL! I feel fortunate that I'm at a place in my life where my appearance in other eyes is immaterial. 
20 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
I hear ya - while it would be nice to be able to wear a tank w/o looking like one moved out of my arms ... the rest... meh... I'm afraid I'd be like one of those women who gets boob jobs ~ they forget they are still in the 'cover up that part of the body' category and want to run around showing them off like their latest acquisition akin to a new handbag. If I had all the saggy skin sewn up and smoothed out I'd wanna show it off too otherwise save the $$$ and get some spanx. What was the question again? 
21 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
Thinking those scars would look just as bad as floopy wrinkles ..... well, maybe not, as long as they are tight scars. No surgery for me and I can't breathe in spanx, so me and Popeye! 
21 Mar 13 by member: 2toofat

     
 

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