FullaBella's Journal, 09 March 2013

Wow it's after 2pm and I'm just now sitting down to my journal - what's up with that? I was thinking about being closed today and these darn customers have kept me hopping! Whew!

Normally I respond to comments about my journal on the same journal but I have been giving so much thought to the topic and responses yesterday that I want to journal about it today. So if you commented yesterday and think 'gee thanks, Bella, a little recognition would be nice..' well, it's in this one.

I just can't figure out where or how to start so this may stumble a bit but that's nothing new.

If I HAD to reduce it to bullet points:

1) I feel so blessed to have my wonderful supportive friends who invest their time and interest in me and pray I do my share and hold up my end of the partnership

2) It is very important to separate doctors into a totally different category and hope that when the milk does hit the floor they do their jobs

3) Bottom line ~ incredible good looks, sex appeal and money only got me so far; the rest took brains and sweat.. Wait... huh?? LOL

But in my usual kamikaze style of writing I'll address the second bullet point first.

Yeah, I had mixed emotions at my Doc's total lack of enthusiasm on my improvement. But then I said 'Grow up Bella - what'd you expect? A gold star on your forehead for putting out the very fire you started?'

I'm sure as obesity increases in the US - every doctor in the world encounters it patient after patient and grows weary of advising a healthy diet or prescribing pills to address the symptoms (blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar.)

Now - as my journal is open to all of FS in NO way am I saying all overweight people are unhealthy, all thin people are healthy, NOR acting as if I'm suddenly an acceptable weight and a know it all. If you're new here reading my journal please read with an open mind and give me a wide berth. I need it for my wide butt!

Nonetheless, I get that, as we all know from our friends NOT here, everyone wants a magic pill to help lose weight. WE are here with our WOE and sharing and collaborating and making it work. But if someone could have given me a real magic fatburner blood sugar reducing cholesterol balancing pill, heck ya, sign me up & bring on the Oreos.

So I can imagine Docs get really tired and shellshocked from seeing it over and over and really don't know how to react when someone actually does heal their body with food. Then again, maybe they ARE feeling insecure and wondering if we'll ALL figure out the secret and they'll be out of a job!

HA - I know that's not true. Not every illness is caused by being overweight or smoking or drinking. Some things just happen and HOPEfully a really good doc will be around to help heal the sick when it happens.

BUT, and I say this, me and my big butt and all, I DO feel it is irresponsible to portray those pictures (the ones of chocolate by the scale) and I think pharmacy reps would be better served bringing in a fruit basket or gift certificates for a spa instead of donuts.

And maybe I'm overreacting like one of those folks in the news last week who had the fit because a kid put a plastic GI Joe figure on a cupcake. But I feel in this present day where so many people are battling to make healthy choices, the doctor's office should be the final safe haven of health from the waiting room to the exam room.

I guess though - that very image of safe haven varies from person to person.

But enough of that ~ you are all very smart Girl Scout cookies and you get that this is my very long way of saying 'I'm not mad at my doctor anymore and I'll cancel the 20 dozen donuts I'd ordered for delivery to her office on Monday :-) But by golly, if I start bleeding from my eyes or have bone sticking out of the skin, she'd better know her stuff!

Next, while I definitely agree (mixing the first and last bullet points) that without our own personal and inner determination, all of the outer cheerleaders in the world won't do diddly, it definitely helps. In the four months or so I've been here I've seen people come and go and I wonder sometimes about the one's who 'went'. Did they not find what they felt they needed here?

If you've been around very long, you've seen it too. I'd estimate there are 30 new members every hour joining with 'gotta do something' and that's their only post. Sometimes I think about culling my buddy list too to stop reminding me of these long gone folks ~ it's like a muddy address book. (Sorry, for you young folks, that's what we had before Outlook and Iphones).

Will the software / website alone do the work? NO. But, showing up, logging the food, reading different articles, exploring new thoughts, sharing with friends, supporting others, understanding we're NOT alone, identifying all of us are working on a weight issue in some form whether 10lbs or 100lbs, all of it, yeah, it works.

I don't know HOW I stumbled across this site. I know it was about 60 days into this weight loss adventure and was already on the path to destruction ( eating too few cals, all low fat, already having had one binge and purge, feeling frustrated, lost, angry, insecure, depressed, etc.) I just know I found it, kept showing up, and it has helped.

I don't know HOW I was blessed to connect with such smart, kind, wonderful friends here who listen, read, support, tolerate, understand and keep coming back to me. I just know I was (blessed).

Bless you all. Thank you each and every one. I'm typing this with tears in my eyes because I truly feel my God smiled down on me the day he brought me here and gave me all of you.

And I wouldn't trade a single one of you for a thousand doctors.

Thank you.

Diet Calendar Entries for 09 March 2013:
1348 kcal Fat: 92.43g | Prot: 73.22g | Carb: 52.44g.   Breakfast: Egg, Swiss Cheese, Spinach, Sauerkraut Libby. Lunch: Cracker Barrel Jalapeno, Colossal Spanish Olives, Sauerkraut Crispy. Dinner: Quaker Oats Old Fashioned, Land O Lakes Whipped Butter, Spectrum Flax, Marzetti Chunky Blue Cheese, Beef Ribs, Romaine Hearts. Snacks/Other: Sartori, Milk. more...
2058 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...


I have to disagree with you here Bella. IMO part of your doctor's job was to give you positive reinforcement in that appointment. And she utterly failed! Not unforgivably I grant you, but still enough to deserve a few less than kind thoughts. :) 
09 Mar 13 by member: riocaz
Oh, and we are very lucky to have you in our lives too!  
09 Mar 13 by member: riocaz
Agreed on both points Riocaz! I can't imagine not having Bella in my corner as I am on my journey and while my doctor was similar to Bella's in the apathy category; he at least acknowledged that what I was doing was working for me. It all boils down what works. And Lord knows that things are different for every one of us. I think that is the secret to FS. I read about the results/frustrations with such a large variety of experiences - it is like my own personal smorgasbord of information. I research, determine if I think it will work for me, and pick and choose. It gives me what I need - ownership of my own journey. Thanks for sharing Bella! I am forever in your corner; and while the zipper is still straining on my cheerleader skirt, my pompoms are a shaking as I cheer you on to your ultimate victory! 
09 Mar 13 by member: RiverRes
I think we all have that kid inside of us who still would like the gold star for a job well done. But somewhere along the line between then and now, most of us learn that a job well done is its own reward. It saddens me when I see buddies come and go and I do wonder what has become of them. But we all have our own issues and reasons for being here. I have tried to tough it out this time around, through the good times and the bad, the gains as well as the losses because I really feel that the support and having a place to vent is what will keep me from going completely off the rails. So thanks for your continued support and for sharing your journey with us. It means so much! 
09 Mar 13 by member: evelyn64
Well said Bella..we all are blessed to found FS as well..I think there is a reason we all have found each other..and soo nice to know that we all really care...if we didn't we wouldn't be here day after day..if someone hurts we hurt too...I can't tell you how many times I have felt the love and hugs that have been sent my way from all my buddies here...So sending you Big Hugs and Love...:O) 
09 Mar 13 by member: BHA
Ditto on all counts!! :-D 
09 Mar 13 by member: teskandar
I have seen so many buddies come and go over the years.....makes me sad because I miss them. I get used to hearing about their lives. I try to imagine they are zchieving amazing success wherever they are. I would be very tempted to send a anonymous note to the doc about the chocolate poster. I think the howl is for decorations to innspire not infuriate. You are so special bella...sending big thanks for sharing your life with me : )  
09 Mar 13 by member: sharonfriz
Me too Bella. I have been here a long time and seen buddies come and go. Sometimes it saddens me when I have grown attached to hearing about their lives and then one day they are gone. Lucky for me I can keep track of some of them on FB. The support system I have found here is amazing as are my buddies. I truly care about them and love and need their support. I love your journal. Have a great day! 
10 Mar 13 by member: chattycathy1955
Well said Bella. I've been here a long time and seen friends come and go and often feel like I am talking to myself but its great to have a place to put down my ideas so I can reflect on things. And occasionally I meet people that become 'special' friends. FS is a great place indeed. As always I enjoyed your insights. Hope you are having a great Sunday. 
10 Mar 13 by member: sarahsmum
Thank you all so much. I'm sorry my response to this is late (like, a few days) but I think DST has me all messed up - at least, that's my excuse for a week :-) I'm very lucky to be here and even luckier to have you great friends. I have been through this four times already and had 'people around' then (because I worked for real then ) and I've mentioned this before but it's still the same answer: I became almost like the polar version of the circus side show freak. People would ask every day 'how much now' as if things should change from one day to the next. People would bring complete strangers up to me and go 'can you believe she's lost 100 pounds!' to the point that I wanted to start charging a nickel for every peek. So What I REALLY love here is that my weight is there, it's posted ~ if you wanna know how much - go look. I like talking about how we are going to fix our bodies and minds and celebrating our progress. Now that I'm mostly solitary (just MH, mushdog and me, and a handful of random customers through the day) I don't have that crowd around me and for ME... I'll take THIS over that any day. We're all like minded here despite where we are on the scale and we share and it's great. I don't get much feedback from MH or family because, again, they're so 'been there, done that' with me it's like 'here we go again.' I love all of you and want you go know I don't think I'd still be doing as well as I am if I hadn't come here. It was interesting - after that doc visit - I found myself subconsciously sabatoging. I was thinking 'what foods do I miss and how can I prove it to her that I can eat them?' Weird huh? So I began thinking about popcorn & ice cream. I was laying in the floor w/mushdog and corrected my silly thinking 'oh sure - you're gonna eat that to prove something to a person who doesn't care about you?' See, I'm not even close to sane yet. Nope, sorry, y'all are stuck with me. I just hope if I really go off the deepend they let me have wifi at the sanitarium. 
11 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella


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