Sandy701's Journal, 05 March 2013

All RIGHT - Can I ever get fully back on track with this WOE??? AAARRRGGGHHH!

This weekend's wedding reception turned out to have food associated with it after all. I had a reasonable amount to eat at home and so managed to not eat any of the plates of loaded nachos, baskets of chips, and bowls of salsa served to everyone who attended. That was relatively easy to do.

But then, there WAS cake! Actually a cupcake presentation that was shaped like a big wedding cake. The baker was there and after she described the homemade nature of the cake, the special buttercream frosting, all from scratch....well, I decided I didn't want to pass it up. Had 1 cupcake there and had another at home. And that triggered a huge peanut butter attack (good news is that I threw out the remainder the next day to get rid of the temptation).

Then, yesterday, DH had been roped into bringing a dessert for a special event at work. We had talked about something low-carb when he found out about this a week or so ago, but he didn't want to do that. So, he made brownies. We both tried one of the finished ones plus all the pieces and crumbles that result when one cuts them up into serving sizes. So be it.

But this has GOT TO STOP! I feel like the past few months have been turning into one l-o-n-g, dragged out side road that's supposed to be getting me back on track, but I just keep meandering all over in the woods somewhere.

Yes, life goes on and these things happen, but it's way past time to stop indulging in these little "life" episodes. I feel bigger and I've even wondered if anyone has noticed the gained pounds....it's embarrassing. I don't want to be known as the gal who lost all that weight, but, hey...look, she's gaining it back now, told you she couldn't keep it off.

Back in the day before I had any real ongoing weight problems, needing to lose 10, 15, or more pounds would have been a HUGE issue! I need to feel that urgency.

Last night, I tried to put myself in the shoes of some of the Biggest Loser contestants. They needed to lose 5% of their weight in TWO WEEKS!!! For me, that would be roughly 8 pounds.....in TWO WEEKS???!!! I can't even imagine doing that after all the weight those folks have already lost.....yet every single one of them did! I normally don't envy those contestants, nor do I usually agree with the methods of the program, but in this instance, I had to wonder....just what am I doing wrong?

Sure, I know some of my foods of late have NOT been appropriate for ANY WOE, but I'm really not THAT far off. Even when I've been firmly on plan, my carbs are low, my calories seem low, I'm continuing to exercise, and I can still barely eek out a pound every week or so. What more do I have to do?

Can I do more? Yeah, I can think of a few more things...just not sure anyone will want to be around me when I do them, as I suspect it will either completely exhaust me or will put me in a dreadful mood (even worse than this mood).

I don't really need any new answers to this dilemma....mostly I'm just frustrated and venting. I just want to get back down into the 140's and live there.

Diet Calendar Entries for 05 March 2013:
1234 kcal Fat: 75.45g | Prot: 112.80g | Carb: 19.49g.   Breakfast: Jones cherrywood smoked bacon, Sargento cheddar mozzarella cheese stick. Lunch: chia seeds (bulk), Pieces & Stems Mushrooms, Kraft shredded colby jack cheese, egg, Johnsonville Brown Sugar & Honey sausages. Dinner: romaine, Armenian cucumber, grape tomatoes, chia seeds (bulk), NY strip steak. Snacks/Other: Lowrey's microwave pork rinds. more...
1944 kcal Activities & Exercise: Walking (exercise) - 3.5/mph - 53 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 7 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
on diet Atkins  

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Comments 
As usual, I have no answers but Sister, do I feel your pain! Please vent all you want. Listening is one skill I do have.  
05 Mar 13 by member: BuffyBear
Sandy I watched that show for the first time last night..it was awesome that they all made it.. being sent home was quite the challenge..We don't have that pressure on us..I too would have to lose around 8 pounds...to be 5% less..I have a feeling you will make it back down to the 140's..There is soo much to do this spring and summer it won't be so hard then..I am talking my self into it...Can't you tell...LOL.. 
05 Mar 13 by member: BHA
Thanks Buffy. I need all the gentle listeners I can get! 
05 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
Bren....keep talking....talk us BOTH into doing that! :) 
05 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
Soooo, what to say besides, I feel your frustration just like it was my own struggle, oh wait, it is. Your words about not wanting to be the one who lost & gained it back hit home hard too. I think this must be the part about maintenance/pre-maintenance that makes this section of our journey so hard & ever-lasting. I don't have easy answers, as I am struggling with the same issues myself. Lately I have been toying with the not so new revelation that this whole process is all about choices. I used to have that word all over in mottos like chose well, my choices, best choices, I love my choices, I choose for me, etc. I realize now that I have gotten away from that thinking style somehow. Time to go back for me. PS...140 club is calling our names...can you hear it? Is passing up a brownie &/or cupcake worth giving up belonging to that club? 
05 Mar 13 by member: gg-girl
GG....I hear it, although, truthfully, it's kind of faint....like, am I hearing something??? It just seems so-o-o far away right now (sigh)...maybe not in numbers, but in TIME, given the pace of this journey. I thought about choices today, as well, although I don't have any mottos. I generally like the idea of a choice being something like, "Not right now, not this meal, not today....perhaps tomorrow"...hoping like everything that by tomorrow I won't want whatever it is as much! Who woulda thunk pre-M and M would be so darn difficult!!! Well, I'm off to make up a snack before I get so hungry I'll devour anything!!! Hope that oatmeal kept you out of harm's way today. 
05 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
Sandy I have found myself thinking the same things when watching that show. Could I do more...yes I could do more...in the exercise arena and still shaving out the 'not so good' things that I may eat. They are strictly adhering in every way. I do not think any of us could live like that, but then again I suspect that there are people that do. Just got to figure out how each of us want to get there. Hang in there; I know you will figure it out. 
06 Mar 13 by member: jaime30024
So sorry you are struggling so much. It sucks that weight loss is such a battle, every day, but unfortunately it is. Everything we eat we have to monitor and think about and that truly sucks. I would love to be 'normal' and not have to think about every choice I make and how that choice will affect my mood for the day or the size of my ass tomorrow. One foot in front of the other, eh? And that cupcakes sounded marvellous! 
06 Mar 13 by member: sarahsmum
Jaime, I found myself wondering if those contestants are on any sort of dietary supplement (Alli or one of the newly-approved supplements). They say they're "medically supervised" and I just wonder whether or not they're getting something like that. Oh well....doesn't really matter, as I wouldn't take anything like that anyway. Hope you're feeling better. 
06 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
Issy, the cupcakes WERE delightful and I don't regret having them.....would probably have them again if the circumstance came up.....that's an appropriate indulgence in my book. However, it set the stage for more out-of-control eating and that's the issue I need to address. EVENTUALLY....I'd like to be able to have a SMALL indiscretion, on a RARE occasion, without it setting off an avalanche of food behaviors that wreak havoc with my WOE. But I need to get things under control before doing any more experimenting. Yes, it's hard to keep monitoring all my food and meals, but then again, I'd rather do that than suffer the consequences of obesity, diabetes, etc. 
06 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
Sandy, it's funny that you mention that side road....I just had the same thought myself. I am not sure what has happened to my mojo, but it is in hiding at the moment and it is hiding very well! I know what to do, I know how to do it, but I just can't seem to find the gumption to do so. Working on it though....and sooner or later (Lord, I hope it's sooner), I will find my way back and get going again. Hugs!!!! 
06 Mar 13 by member: ctlss
I so relate to you Sandy, I seem to have one tiny cheat and it leads to more. I want more and I tell myself my day is already shot, I might as well have some more. I'm working on it... eventually I will manage to say no to cheats except every now and then. I relate to feeling self-conscious about gaining weight.. I always think, ppl notice when I lose 10 lbs, they must notice when I gain!! But they can keep thinking I won't lose the weight or keep it off, it will just be extra motivation because I tend to like proving people WRONG. And the thing about those weight loss shows.. they seem to be teaching people how to lose weight fast, and that's it. That program is not sustainable in the real world and those people will put on at least some of that weight back. For us, this is a lifestyle change, it's one we can live comfortably with for the rest of our lives. It may not be as fast but know that it will be permanent.  
06 Mar 13 by member: shadowx1110
YUP, that darn cake will do it every time. You will get back into it. You will just have to make some of your own deserts and take them with you. Then, when that cake comes out, you are all set with your own. You've done an amazing job keeping the weight off, so I know you will be able to get yourself back on track. It is something we all struggle with. Hang in there and hope you have a great day.:) 
07 Mar 13 by member: LauPug1
Stef, I know you'll soon be taking the bull by the horns and going out, tracking down that missing mojo! It CANNOT hide from you forever - you won't let it! 
07 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
Shadowx...Thanks for stopping by. I like Biggest Loser solely for the insight people get about their eating habits. The rest of it? The HUGE losses, the tears when they lose "only" 4 pounds in a week, the excessive (IMO) exercise, etc....well, those are the parts of the series that I do not like at all! I agree with you that it's not the pace of loss that's important, it's the permanence! 
07 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
Hi Laurie! Really good bakery items will pull me in almost every time....unless I'm VERY careful! Fortunately, there's not a lot of REALLY good bakery stuff out there, at least not anywhere I can get to very easily! LOL! Good thing! Nothing else to do but just hang in there and keep fighting, as I definitely do NOT want to go back to where I was. Don't let your grandson work you too hard! 
07 Mar 13 by member: Sandy701
You CAN DO it, Sandy. I have no doubt. 
16 Mar 13 by member: Helewis

     
 

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