ctlss's Journal, 26 February 2013

STILL KICKIN'



Spent yesterday with mom, running errands with her. Took her over to Scott AFB, got her medicines refilled for the next 3 months, took her to the commissary for some groceries, then back to her house to carry it all up the stairs and inside, then put everything away, and refill her pill minder. Then it was back home, picked up Dan and ran to town for propane for the gas grill...it seems I neglected to turn it off night before last when I made the peppers, and it had been on all night and most of the day. DOH! When we got home I bbq'd some pork steaks, some pork chops, and brats on charcoal and made more stuffed mushrooms on the gas grill (now you know why I needed to go last night and get the gas!) I was a bit low on calories yesterday, but this antibiotic is messing with my tummy, and makes me nauseous. I can't take anything for the upset tummy, as it interferes with the absorption. I still have this lingering cough and sinus pressure, so I hope to heck it's working. At least the ears aren't quite as stopped up, and my teeth aren't hurting anymore. It's a good thing.

We got some more snow and freezing rain/drizzle last night. It has continued off and on today (the freezing drizzle) and is supposed to snow more overnight, with more of the icy stuff. They just issued another winter weather advisory for treacherous road conditions through noon tomorrow. Glad we are stocked up and everything is battened down. Supposed to get really windy as well.

Last week's snow is still hanging about, and Grammy always said when that happens it's waiting for more. According to mom, that is based on Native American lore.

Here a couple of pics of the furbabies playing in last weeks storm...



Oy, Toby, and Buddy



Oy, Toby, and Buddy



Buddy and Toby



My sweet Oy



Toby jumping for joy...these dogs love the snow



Out the front door

And one more of Buddy with Toby...such joyfulness...



Roll, roll, roll in ze snow...lol


Now back to the other stuff. I have been doing well with my food, but the exercise...just not there yet. I did walk a lot yesterday with mom, but it really wore me out. Just don't have my energy back yet, and I am really getting sick and tired of being sick and tired! "KnowhutImean, Vern?" (in my best Ernest voice). I am not quitting though...I will just keep on trudging along until I get better and then I am going to spring forth with energy to spare and the weight will start really falling again. Right? RIGHT? RIGHT? LOL
I know that is right, but it sure doesn't feel like it sometimes. And then there is the desire to kick my own a$$ for gaining part of what I lost back in the first place. I guess that just goes to prove (to me anyway), that even when I think I have conquered the reasons I have for emotional eating, there is still the potential for back sliding. I have come a long way in how I deal with stress, emotion, and self image, but there is still a lot of work to be done. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this while I have been under the weather (no pun intended, but it does work well here), and there really are times that I wonder if it is worth all the bother and effort...I mean really, is it going to make that much difference in my life if I eat a butt load of carbs a day? Will it make my life that much worse if I don't exercise? Can't I just eat a hamburger with a bun, a donut, a candy bar, some freakin' french fries, some cake for cryin' out loud????

Okay, okay, so I already KNOW the answer to all those questions. I know how my body reacts to the sugars and the carbs, but dadgummit, when I am feeling bad, I just don't care!

This will pass, I know. Don't be alarmed, my buddies, I am just venting, and am not about to dive off into a giant bowl of ice cream covered cake, with cherries, drizzled in chocolate syrup with nuts and whipped cream. Nor am I going to go on a carb eating spree...I am just ticked off that I am feeling so apathetic about this whole thing. I want my mojo back! I want that feeling of "YES, I CAN DO THIS...AND NO ONE OR NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME!" back. I also know I am the only one who can get it back. So, I guess the big question is, am I willing to do what it takes? The answer...I'm not sure. And I suppose that is the real crux of this situation...I'm just not sure that I want to do this anymore.

LE SIGH!


Well, that went from fun to bummer in a big hurry, didn't it? Not sure where all that came from, and if you are still here reading...sorry. Guess it just needed to come out!

And on that note...

That's about all that's fit to print from my corner...hope all is well in yours!

TTFN!

~Stef~


Diet Calendar Entries for 26 February 2013:
1559 kcal Fat: 130.35g | Prot: 80.69g | Carb: 23.47g.   Breakfast: coconut oil, pork loin chop, coffee, horizon heavy whipping cream. Lunch: bratwurst, Cream Cheese and Bacon Jalepeno Poppers. Dinner: green onions, buttermilk, Creamy Stuffed Bell Peppers, ground beef, lettuce, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, celery, cucumber. Snacks/Other: simms beef snack sticks, Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese. more...
2398 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 16 hours. more...
on diet The Primal Blueprint  

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Comments 
TOBY looks like the one that loves to roll in the snow! Those pupps are amasing! LOVE LOVE LOVE! You are busier than you give yourself credit for I think. No wonder you are tired. I get tired reading about all you do. You are a busy woman! No carb spree? What ?? I think I went into a hypnotic state when I read your description of the icecream and cake! LOL. Keep kickin'! WE know that when we get older, this extra weight is so much harder on us, best get rid of it while we can. Hug!!! and woof woof for the Pups! 
26 Feb 13 by member: Lizzygracemusic
AH, the dogs look like they really love that snow. Sorry to hear you have been so sick most of the winter. Are you able to take Echinacea? The minute I start to feel sick, I start popping them. Knock on wood, I've worted off sickness so far. I'm sure I just jinked myself though.lol We all need to vent from time to time and we are hear to help and listen when ever you need to. Yes, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! and I know you will. You are one of the most determined people I know. Hang in there, get better, and yes, it will start coming off again. HUGS and PRAYERS to you sweetie. Enjoy your evening.:):) 
26 Feb 13 by member: LauPug1
Loved, loved the pics of your sweet funny furbabies...Steph honey..you are sooo worth the effort of taking care of your self..I can truely relate to what all you said..about this WOE...I too would love to eat all the things that I used to..and sure I can if I want to be back to where I was...I try to remember how bad I felt..my joints hurt and my back was just not working for me..I'm sure you have thought of all of the things that have felt better after you lost as well...Right now I think the infection and the meds you have to take to get rid of it has taken its toll...I promise after that and the spring time is really here...we both should get our mojo back...So lets make a pack..when spring is truely here and we have those beautiful birds singing to us and the grass is greener and the flowers start to bloom..we will put a big smile on our face and get down to business...Now smile for me my dear friend...Thats it...love it when you do that...Love and Hugs...:O)  
26 Feb 13 by member: BHA
P.S..Hug all your furbabies from Aunt Bren...sure wish I could do it in person..they would be tired of them in a hurry.....LOL... 
26 Feb 13 by member: BHA
Hope you can keep yourself in one place long enough to finish getting better! You even go out to cook in the cold! BTW - I thank you for sharing the pics. Looks like they are loving the snow. Have a nice evening.  
26 Feb 13 by member: BuffyBear
Thanks for posting pics of the furbabies, if only humans could experience that much joy with snow but then they don't have to shovel it, do they? LOL. Lovely, lovely pics and like Bren said, hug them from us. I hear you about wondering if it's all worth it, some days. And it likely doesn't matter a hill of beans in the bit scheme of things, God will love us fat or thin, but we want this for ourselves, don't we, and we do feel better when we eat less carbs. I know you were just venting, go ahead and vent, we are here to listen. Hope you feel better soon, you've been sick for a while and I know you are sick of it. Hugs to you sis, and again thanks for the pics, they are lovely.  
26 Feb 13 by member: sarahsmum
Cute dogs!! My dogs love the snow too! I think we all go through times when we just want to eat and don't care. But deep down really we do care. I know when you finally get feeling all better you will be at that spot to take off again! 
26 Feb 13 by member: skwhite
Wow. Lots of things here Stef - first of all, I'm glad your dogs like the snow. My lab rolls around in it like a nut case too. Thanks for the pics. Enjoy it while it lasts. And your grilling sounds so delicious! Can I come for dinner?? Please??? Regarding the last half of your journal - I have found myself in this place lately too. I haven't been feeling up to the challenge. But I know the alternative and I certainly don't want that! About two days ago I gorged myself and felt super guilty about it. The next day I said enough is enough and brought out the salads and protein. I've gotta get out of the habit of eating all that junk. I realise it's the junk that is making me feel sluggish and not wanting to do the right things. I hope you find that groove again soon.  
27 Feb 13 by member: tglenna
Man, I hear you with the rant. Some days it would so much EASIER to eat a Standard American Diet and not have to watch so carefully. But then I remember the constant stomach problems and this WoE doesn't seem so bad. 
27 Feb 13 by member: Rowanfair

     
 

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