FullaBella's Journal, 26 February 2013

The voices in my head were up and at it early this morning. I swear - sometimes I think those folks need to come with a two drink minimum. Not that I think they are all 'that' amusing; just after a couple of shots they may be a little more tolerable.

Anyway - the end result of their conversation was 'I really do like actual oatmeal.' Everything else that follows was their debate arriving at that conclusion that began as I prepared my breakfast by pulling the flaxseed, coconut oil and cinnamon from the shelf:

"So, you know... you're still being quite the fraud..."
'Fraud?!? Now What?!?!'

"Well, you call this 'Operation Oatmeal' and you don't know if you even LIKE oatmeal."
'What?? How can you say that? I eat oatmeal 3-4 times a week! Check the food diary!'

"Sure, I have. BUT..."
'Yes?'

"Do you even like OATMEAL?"
'What ARE you talking about?'

"In the beginning, you ate two servings of oatmeal dressed up with a shovel of cinnamon, flaxseed and two splenda just to get it down without gagging. Then you decreased the serving portion of the oatmeal and added yogurt. Then you eliminated the splenda but added yogurt with fruit. Then you added coconut oil. Then you replaced the fruity yogurt with a lower sugar yogurt and real fruit. And then you replaced the regular flaxseed with a berry flaxseed. But all along... even though you're changing the contents... you're still dressing up the oatmeal."
'And what's your point?'

"Mmm... well, it reminds me of when you discovered you really didn't like chili once you didn't dress it up with a bunch of cheese, sour creme and chips. Or that you didn't like pasta, just the meatballs."
'Yeah ... so?'

Sigh.... "Well, stupid... if you are going to continue to get the mindful eating with intention and attention down, don't you think you need to do the same with Oatmeal? Maybe you don't like it and it's just the 'chili' for your yogurt, fruit & flax!"
'Uh.......(sigh).......you're right.'

"Uh huh... so..."
'So what are we talking about here? Nothing, nada, zip? '

"How about a tablespoon of that REAL butter you bought yesterday. Put a pat of it on the side of the bowl and maybe taste it individually and then the oatmeal and determine if you really like either one."
'But... '

"But what?"
'What if it's not enough and I'm still hungry?'

"If you're still hungry an hour later, get a yogurt. Get some fruit. Remember, you're trying to learn to satisfy your hunger naturally."
'Oh, yeah, duh....'

So, they settled it, and I did it. And I liked it.

I could actually TASTE the oatmeal and the real butter. I was eating and enjoying Old Fashioned Oatmeal. I could taste it, chew it, and actually really liked it. I wasn't chewing up a mixture of coconut oil, flax, fruit, yogurt.

Operation Oatmeal shall remain titled with Integrity. I am not a fraud. Thank goodness too. I'd hate to have to rename it and go back and edit my miles and miles of journals.

Note of observation: it is four hours later and I am finally hungry. So if I find myself in a place when I don't have choices accessible, I will keep nuts or peanut butter or string cheese in my bag to satisfy my hunger. I won't starve. I'll live. Better and better for the rest of my life.

After all, according to the news this morning, 70 is the new 30 ... I may have more time to walk the earth.

Thanks for stopping by and tolerating the voices. Count your blessings you don't live with them.

Bella

Diet Calendar Entries for 26 February 2013:
1259 kcal Fat: 58.55g | Prot: 92.44g | Carb: 101.68g.   Breakfast: Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Land o lakes butter. Lunch: Ham, Navy Beans. Dinner: Red apple, Strawberries, Tomato, Filet Mignon Schwans. Snacks/Other: Kraft Jalapeno String Cheese, Nostimo, Planters Nut-rition . more...
2078 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Maybe not them.....just their evil step sisters! lol Glad you like your oatmeal. I much prefer cream of wheat but like you I have always spiced it up with brown sugar.  
26 Feb 13 by member: 2toofat
The committee has spoken! I am crazy for steel cut oatmeal made with water and salt. I use to make it on Sundays and slice into 4 pie slices and bring a slice to work to microwave. I like the chewy texture. I've stopped eating it since I went Primal Blueprint but I think I miss it most of all. You made me smile today with this journal.  
26 Feb 13 by member: Neptunebch
Funny how we grow up eating a food a certain way and then it's so surprising when you discover that other people eat it a different way that you weren't even aware of - you've opened my eyes to the concept of eating oatmeal with butter. I've never done it or even heard of it before today. I even googled it to see what else I've been missing out on in the oatmeal department. Turns out there is a whole world of interesting ways to eat oatmeal out there that I had no idea even existed! I was raised with the old brown sugar and milk concept and slowly progressed to adding raisins and cinnamon or even some nuts but that was about as creative as I got. My daughter did one get more creative on her own and added egg whites and peanut butter to her oatmeal. Who knew oatmeal could be such an interesting food? Anyway, glad you found out that you like the oatmeal without all the add-ons :) 
26 Feb 13 by member: evelyn64
Wanted you to know that the "voice people" stopped by my house last night on their way to yours!!!! Enjoyed your commentary. And I love oatmeal plain or however but haven't had any since I have been on Atkins/Paleo/GlutenFree WoE...but I do think about it often:) 
26 Feb 13 by member: 2227Gwen
I have voices too bella. You are doing so well to identify them so clearly. Mine are subtle and often say really mean things things me about failure and who cares... I love oatmeal and haven't had any since the gluten free deal over here. I love bread butter pasta chocolate pizza...wish there was something I didn't love. that might make this journey a little easier. Tuna in a can is the only single food I truly do not like : (. Loved your journal. Write a bok. I would buy it !  
26 Feb 13 by member: sharonfriz
@Sandi - which one is the evil one? The one that pushes me toward my goals firmly or the stupid one that tries to get through the process without applying the work? Never was a big cream of wheat fan but may have to give it a go again because that was the past.  
26 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
@Neptune - have not yet tried the steel cut because it never occurred to me that I could microwave reheat it and the whole 20mins to cook thing stopped me - something new to consider.  
26 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
@Evelyn - I'd totally forgotten I'd tried that eggwhite in the oatmeal - obviously so did the voices - but I did not like that part. I was raised on white sugar, butter & milk and really don't like the milk in the oatmeal. Btw - the yogurt was on 'top' like icing. I feel another reason I eliminated this 'concoction' dish was because I'd been reading recently about how binge eaters are concocters - so I'm trying to train myself to really appreciate the actual 'food'.  
26 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
@Gwen - you must be in an earlier time zone if the voices stopped there first ~ mine were up at 5am here :-)  
26 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
@Sharon - I am shutting out those voices that are mean to me. I agreed with Joe in the documentary I watched the other night (Hungry for Change) when he said 'if that voice in my head were a real bloke I'd sort him out right away' (( or something like that ..)). I agree. I had a battle of the 'meanie' voices a month or two ago and while I know some of them may be the person Sandi calls 'the evil one' I know they are to make me stronger but if they start berating me about failing or not being pretty or skinny or running fast enough or basically not being enough - I tell them to shut the heck up. Life is too short. Another thing in the Change docu was the instruction to tell yourself 'I accept myself unconditionally today' ((or something like that, I am not always accurate)) but it's true. We HAVE to love ourselves TODAY. Keep improving, keep working at evolving, but love what we are and what we are doing today. I know that may seem CRAZY or even delusional for a 200lb woman, but I do love myself and I'm going to treat myself with kindness and attention. What say you give it go too? 
26 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
My evil one is the one that keeps saying "it's ok you can have one" knowing that one means two or ten! 
27 Feb 13 by member: 2toofat
@2toofat - I have that 'evil' voice too - funny how alike we all are, how similar the voices in our head. 
27 Feb 13 by member: sarahsmum
@ sarahsmum - Cuz they(voices)are ALL related.lol 
27 Feb 13 by member: 2toofat
LOL - Sandi & Isabel ~see, I feel my evil one is the one that thinks I can keep doing it the same way forever but expect a different result. So my evil one is the stupid one. :-) 
27 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
I actually cook the steel cut for about 30 minutes so it is not so crunchy but it really does taste MARVELOUS DARLING! 
27 Feb 13 by member: Neptunebch

     
 

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