madaboutmoose's Journal, 21 February 2013

So a little more than just "alive." I'm home, needing to do some work here and thought I'd steal a few minutes to write. It's snowing here. Everything is white. Spring may be less than 30 days away "officially" but around these here parts ... we still have quite a bit of winter left.

I've been tired. Overwhelmed. Stressed. And also, okay. I don't know. How much more can I say then I've already said. Life just isn't what I thought it would be at this stage. My boo-boo certainly didn't help but it isn't really the reason for all this tribulation ... that has been brewing for years ... and things have been tough in many ways (with some momentary high moments) since DH was first diagnosed with cancer. My boo-boo just brought it all to a head, and though it has been difficult it has been an opportunity for me to begin to get some support and to figure out how to manage this stress in a healthier way for myself, so I don't get sick as well.

I've only had two sessions with my therapist "friend" but it is helpful. It is helpful for me. I've probably needed this neutral third party for a long time. It took this most recent crisis for me to get low enough to reach out I guess. It is the "opportunity" in the crisis (have I told you the Chinese symbol for "crisis" also means "opportunity?")

I have not weighed. I haven't eaten stellar nor has it been horrid. Somewhere in between. I just don't feel like weighing. Not on my agenda. I'll get to it later.

So although I am home it is off to work I go. I am still grateful ...

1. For this kind man who has agreed to be my therapist for free.
2. Always for the flexibility my job has.
3. For feeling quite competent in my work. I am really good at what I do. I have accomplished that well in my life, if nothing else.
4. Taking baby steps in self care, feeling hopeful that no matter what I can create joy in my life.
5. For life, although it is often hard it is good.

Working diligently at not beating upon myself, practicing kindness, being in the moment as much as possible, and taking it step by step. Love the support you all give me. Sorry I've been absent from your journals this week. I've just been slammed!!!

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Comments 
Take care of you sweetie..so glad you have someone to talk to about it all...just getting if off your chest helps...Hugs...:O) 
21 Feb 13 by member: BHA
Definitely take care of yourself. Your therapist friend sounds like a great idea. Use it fully. How nice of him to help out. I hope you're generally okay. Until you're ready, but weighing in and all that on the back burner, just don't take it completely off the stove! :)  
22 Feb 13 by member: kingkeld
I'm glad you've got some help. It really is necessary to take care of you. I feel that if I had found some help over a year ago I may not be where I am now. Keep smiling 
22 Feb 13 by member: flaxseed
You sound good carol. It sounds like a tough time but you are managing better than well. Find the joy everyday my friend. Love that you sought help and found it for free...good things are everywhere.  
22 Feb 13 by member: sharonfriz

     
 

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