karbear45's Journal, 19 February 2013

Failing at all challenges, at losing in general. I'm back up. It's so easy to put it on, so easy to just eat - eat out of frustration, boredom, stress, all of it. Why can't exercising be that easy. I mean what's hard about walking? really? Just get up off the couch or out of this chair and start walking! Why is that so difficult?
On that same note, why do I continually grab the soda when the water is sitting right beside it? Stubborn, stupid, angry? Sometimes that's it, yes. But then I regret it, so why do it? Grab the stupid water, leave the soda there for someone else. Simple.

If only it were that simple. I love the taste of apples. I have a bowl of them on the table, yet I've only had one from there the last several days. Why? I'm feeling very mental today.

I need to get myself on track. I need to stop letting myself fall off that track and then make excuses for myself and worse accept them and shrug my shoulders and say "oh well, tomorrow is a new day". I need to just do this. I need to get healthier, slimmer and in better control. I need to kick myself when I fall off, I need it to hurt so I don't do it again. I need to remember that yesterday is now gone, I can't get it back and I lost a day that would have brought me closer to being healthier, slimmer.

I keep reminding myself of all the benefits, how good I felt when I was walking regularly, making better food choices - compared to the stiff joints and achy muscles I have now,the growing waistline (again). My mood swings also - oh boy! Some days I want to punch myself for being such a B----!

What's good in my life?
I like my job (looking forward to winter driving stress to be over).
My husband loves me.
He makes really good money for what we need.
Our finances can always be better but they are o.k.
The kids are all healthy (no more teenagers!)
DH and I are "healthy", of course going to the doctor could change that. Both our weights needs to be addressed - especially mine. He's gained considerably, but I'm looking fat...in my face, my fingers, my clothes... He can dress up and look really sharp still, not me, I'm the blimp. I used to be so slender and small. I know I will never be that slim or small again as the day I met him, but to lose this 60 - 70 pounds would be great. Need a plan. Need a plan I can stick to. Need a plan that will work with my schedule. Need a plan to succeed. Need to go now and work on that plan. Yes. I need to make a plan and I need to stick to it - every minute of every day. And it all starts with breakfast -- at lunch time. (yes, I'm shaking my head too).
191.0 lb Lost so far: 1.5 lb.    Still to go: 71.0 lb.    Diet followed poorly.
on diet Mayo Clinic Plan   losing 3.5 lb a week

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