angiekae68's Journal, 18 February 2013

I have a dilemma. In August of 2012, my friend's daughter asked to borrow $57 dollars. I don't have any source of income, but my dad had just given me some money for my birthday, so I loaned it to her. Since then, she's only given me money towards the loan twice, totaling $22, and only because I kept texting her about it. If I don't contact her, I never hear anything from her about it. The last payment of $15 was in October.

She is 24 years old, single, and has a 5 year old son. They live with her grandparents. She works for Home Health, and has a tendency to party her money away, which isn't a problem because her mom (my friend of 25 years) or her grandparents come to her rescue when she can't pay her bills (smartphone and car insurance), then they complain about how irresponsible she is. I've actually talked to her mom about their role in that, but it always fell on deaf ears, so I finally stopped saying anything about it years ago.

Yesterday, I saw on Facebook where she was advertising for a new smartphone, so today, I texted her and asked if she had forgotten that she still owes me money. She said no, that she hadn't forgotten, asked me how much she still owes me, and said that she didn't have it right now, but she would let me know when she could pay me. This is what I've heard from her too many times to count. I told her that I saw her post about the smartphone and wondered how she could pay for that when she couldn't pay me. She then said, rather rudely, that her friend was gonna buy the phone for her. The rest of the conversation went downhill from there. She even tried to make me feel guilty for asking for my money by saying, "Trust me, it's no fun when you have a job and still don't have any money." I just said, "I need my money.", and left it at that.

I did finally mention it to her mom a couple of months ago. I hadn't said anything before because this isn't between she and I, but I thought that maybe she might encourage her to pay me back. Obviously, that hasn't happened, or it hasn't done any good.

I know she has the money to do what she wants to do. She doesn't hide the fact of what she buys or does on the weekends. It's all on her Facebook page. And, before she asked for the loan, I had spent time with her at the Mall and other places. I was shocked at how frivolous she was with her money. I had even loaned her money before and she had always paid me back fairly quickly, which is why I didn't worry about doing it again. But, those times, I found out later, she was borrowing the money from someone else to pay me. Robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Up until today, I have been nice about it. Telling her that I understand whatever situation is going on when she's given me excuses for not having the money. But, I think I've been too nice. The only reason I've refrained from going postal on her is because I know that if I make her mad, I'll probably never see the money again. I mean, it's not like I can take her to court. That would cost more than what she owes me. I know it's only $35, but that's not really the point.

She's the type of person who only thinks about herself. All that matters is her, and getting what she wants. I've known her all of her life, and she's always been that way. She has no consideration for me, or anyone else. I've actually talked to some people who said they have also loaned her money in the past, and she never has paid them back. They finally just let it slide, but I'm not going to.

I'm really at my wit's end here. I'm not sure how to handle this from here on out. I've thought about going to her grandparents, who are very nice people and like family to me, but I worry about putting a strain on my relationship with them. She actually owes them thousands of dollars, according to her mom.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? And if so, how did you handle it? Any advice is welcome.
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Oh man, she sounds like my daughter's birth mother. This is a tough situation an it sounds like you've pretty much done all that you can reasonably do. I wouldn't go postal - but maybe, guilt trip her? Lay it on heavy and thick and constantly. When she comes back with excuses, don't be understanding. Say something like, "I know you have that going on but I really need my money and I wouldn't be bothering you if I didn't" This sucks so much and I am so sorry you're dealing with this. 
18 Feb 13 by member: atriel2
That's tough. You mentioned that you don't have a source of income so I can certainly understand your stress and possibly need for the remaining money. I probably would have just given up asking and keep it as a mental note but if she isn't held accountable then she will keep doing this to people, one day it could be the wrong person. I am 31 and have an older brother who has lived with me, I have given money to, etc... Well me and my husband went out of town and he refused to come over to my house to check on the dogs. I didn't make a big stink, just am taking note that I shouldn't help him out with money if he can't return a little favor that costs him gas. That's tough. I wish you luck and I wish I had better advice.  
18 Feb 13 by member: Sirick
That does stink Angie. There was no way for you to have known you wouldn't get it back since she's paid you back in the past. I'm sorry you're in this predicament. I would suggest having her give you a date when she will have it or ask her to pay you in installments.... $5/week, $10.00/month, $10.00 out of every paycheck or something like that. Otherwise "I'll let you know when I can pay you" may mean you'll never see it and at least this way you're getting it back, even though it is slowly. I agree with Tony, let her know that you need the money too and make her feel guilty (if it's possible!) about not paying you back. Good luck.  
18 Feb 13 by member: Mokakiss
Where is Dr. Phil when you need him? lol Man oh Man this is a toughie. On the one hand the debt has almost gone stale at this point (at least in her mind). On the other, stale or not, because this is a personal loan and she acknowledges it as outstanding, she needs to honor repayment. I like Toni's idea. Also, you mention that she blows through her money. This means you need to get to her on payday and be first in line before it is gone. See if you can figure out when she gets paid and hit her up for your money. You need new clothes for that new bod!  
18 Feb 13 by member: lbsgoner
Hey Angie - that is tough. I think everyone has given you great advise and not sure I can add anything to it. I would definitely guilt her AND try the payment plan......since you have a tough time remembering then how about this...each pay period you give me $5 or $10. As much as you don't like hearing from me I don't like having to ask, but I wouldn't if I didn't have kids that I needed to take care of and I do not have any income coming in.....other than that there is not really anything else you can do. I am curious as to what her mother said about it....I know if it were my child I would be furious with her that she borrowed money from my friend and had NOT paid her back. As the mother I would go off on her and she would be paying that money back ASAP. 
18 Feb 13 by member: jaime30024
I concur, you need to set something up whereby she has a regular payment of the money she still owes. There isn't any point in trying to guilt trip her, she obviously doesn't have a conscience if she's doing it to a lot of people. I'd be texting her back with a concrete plan, you owe me $35 and I'm expecting $5 per week until the debt is settled on Fri or Sat or what ever day of each week. You could also then add the date the load would be paid in full. Then text her the day before to remind her you are expecting the payment, on time, no excuses. You to are enabling this behavior from her if you don't explain in no uncertain terms how a "loan" works. Doesn't sound to me like she needs one more person enabling her. I'm betting Dr. Phil would give similar advice, he doesn't seem to think much more of enablers as he does the person at fault, if anything less of them because they are the ones letting them away with a wrong. Feel bad for you Angie that it's gone this far and that you have to be the tough guy but I think that is where your at as nothing else appears to have worked. Sorry 
18 Feb 13 by member: Sunkeeper
I really appreciate all the advice and suggestions. Thank you all :) I've actually tried the guilt-trip thing, but like Sunkeeper said, she really doesn't care or have a conscience, so that didn't work. Plus, she knows me well enough to know that if I want to do something badly enough, I'll find a way. So when I would say, "If I don't have that money by Friday, I'm not gonna be able to do (whatever was coming up).", she knew that if she didn't pay me, I would find a way. And I always would, by borrowing the money from my Mother. And being a small town (less than 3000), she would find out someway that I did whatever it was. There were times when she would even call me and ask if I did. The nerve! I also have found out when she gets paid, and I have contacted her the day before and the day of, to remind her, but she just wouldn't ever show up with the money, and of course, there's always some excuse. I've even told her that she can pay me 10 or 15 dollars at a time, whatever she can do at the time. That worked once, the last payment in October of $15. I'm gonna try again, though. I'll set up a "$5 per check" plan. $5 every two weeks isn't really gonna help me out, but at least maybe I'll get the money back. In the end, I think her "this bitch could care less" attitude irks me more than anything else. I refuse to be an enabler. I will get my money. Thanks again everyone :) 
19 Feb 13 by member: angiekae68

     
 

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