madaboutmoose's Journal, 10 February 2013

Just pretend like this is Monday ... Because this is my Monday journal!

DH is still up, watching a movie I think though it just got very quiet. Guess it was a BS old documentary according to the commentary I just heard from the living room. He picked up some DVDs from the library on Friday. He has not yet taken up residence in our room. So me and Blue are on our own. Yes Blue prefers me. Why? Well probably because I am the care taker, the one who tended to him as a puppy. Works for me. He is actually sleeping in DH's spot! LOL

I don't know where he and I are these days. Most of the day is cordial enough. Like roommates who have lived together for a long time. I've done well at not being too stressed about it. I do feel heavy in my heart though that this Friday is valentines day. We wouldn't be doing anything even if we hadn't had this crisis, he works nights and I work days but with each ad on the radio about doing something special for your sweetheart I find myself wondering if he still considers me the love of his life. I wonder about his feelings for me. I don't doubt his standing by my side, I doubt his heart. Does that sound weird? Oh well. It is what it is.

I did the laundry on Sunday and decided to tackle the shower. OMG. That ended up being much more work than I anticipated but once I started I couldn't stop! It looks pretty darn good now but wore me out! I made up for it by eating too many cashews and a couple of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies! DH made fish with bell peppers and onion for dinner. We warmed up some leftover rice we bought from Trader Joes last week and I made a nice dinner salad. It was excellent. Did up the dishes so this morning I didn't have to face them.

Work today (remember if you are reading this Sunday night I am pretending it is really Monday morning!) isn't too heavy. An appointment at 11 another from 3-4:30 a and paperwork in between. My training though us drawing nigh and I need to get on the stick about that. DH being home this week really messed with my schedule. When he is here he wants to watch TV in the evening and wants me to join him. So. No work. Yes I could tell him I had something else to do but I've not wanted to rock the boat. Since that is some of the most cordial time we've had this week.

He'll be home Tuesday night but I'll have Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to kick butt.


Good food
Persons of Interest on DVD.
A much cleaner shower.
Listening to my dog breathing, curled up in DH's spot on my bed.
Having moms car here ( since my battery died )
Things that relax me.

I'm hoping for a good week. Not sure I will see 199.8 by Friday but I do hope to see another drop. Probably not Monday morning though after my cashew fest! Continuing, ever so imperfectly, to practice kindness to myself. A wise man told me once, rupture is inevitable in relationships, repair is optional. My prayer is DH and I will choose repair. I'm doing what I need to do to take care of me ... The rest not up to me. Take care my dear ones!


Praying that God will do the repairing, then there has to be a request by one or both involved for there to be a change. God Bless...... 
10 Feb 13 by member: letsDropThesePounds
You're doing amazingly well, Carol. And you're doing what you have to. Don't doubt his heart, He's just working through stuff. I love the wise man saying. And I, too, pray for repair. You guys have been through so much together. Oh and congrats on the shower. All you very handy women on this site. And then there's me. Haha. I hope today brings some peace. Thank goodness you practice kindness (at leat you make yourself remember kindness to yourself). You're awesome in my book. HUGS 
11 Feb 13 by member: Helewis
Praying, Carol...hang in there. I am glad that you are continuing to practice kindness to yourself. Your work week sounds busy. We don't really celebrate Valentine's Day. In 1988 our daughter died at 4 1/2 on the 16th of February, and in 1999 our house caught fire in the early morning hours on the 14th. So, not a holiday that has a lot of good memories. Sorry that you are being bombarded with the commercials while working through this rupture. Have a great Monday! HUGS!!!  
11 Feb 13 by member: ctlss
Happy Monday Carol, hope its awesome and hope DH's heart softens soon. I don't doubt his love for you, he just maybe doesn't like you so much right now and that happens from time to time I suppose, heck there's a lot of times I don't like my hubby but I always love him (hope that makes sense). Hoping for a good weight drop for you.  
11 Feb 13 by member: sarahsmum
You sound in a very good spot despite the distance. A few cashews???? Wow we both know under the circumstanced if could have been a few cakes.!!! Bravo!!  
11 Feb 13 by member: sharonfriz
Oh so true al the comments above! Yes. There have been many times I have not liked my husband. In fact right now. Lol. Stef ... Oh dear I up understand why February is not your favorite month, prayers and hugs to you to get thru it! And letsdropthesepounds you are correct. Someone has to ask for change. That will come for me at least as I feel strong enough to ask. Still in the place where I feel like it isn't my place to ask for anything but that will change. The scale was up a couple of pounds this morning but the salt alone from the cashews could have done that. Juice made, coffee in hand I'm ready to face the day! 
11 Feb 13 by member: madaboutmoose
Hi Carol! Patience... that's he word that comes to my mind when I read your journal. You did very well regarding cashews, great job! I keep my fingers crossed for your below 200 weigh-in this week! 
11 Feb 13 by member: barbabella
Hey sweetie...February is not a good month..if your not up to being a Valinetine or having one in your life...Praying all works out for you and your DH and sooner than later...Hugs...:O) 
11 Feb 13 by member: BHA
Oh, Carol, and cashews...let me tell you in my hand there is no such thing as a few...unless it is bags! LOL Hope you have an awesome day, my sweet friend! 
11 Feb 13 by member: ctlss
Oh ... Stef ... it was more than a "few" ... I'm a nutaholic!!! LOL!! 
11 Feb 13 by member: madaboutmoose
Moose you sound more positive and hopeful. This is good. Nuts are good too. Stop listening to the radio for a few days or turn down the volume on those ads. No reason to torture yourself! Hope you see 199, but more so than thugs continue on the cordial side or better. Maybe he just needs some time to nurse his wounds.  
11 Feb 13 by member: beets_yum
--things not thugs 
11 Feb 13 by member: beets_yum


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