FullaBella's Journal, 06 February 2013

Well, I'm in the Goldilocks mode - still too large for the fashionable clothing but too small for the large clothing. Normally I don't really care that much and for that I had to recognize that of all the things I HATE about the cold dreary cloudy days of Winter I must appreciate the fact that it gives me carte blanche to wear bulky turtleneck sweaters and denim shirts over my jeans and boots. As I no longer work in corporate amercia I have no dress code, no suits, no toe crushing pumps, no fancy hairdo's. Yay me.

While I have replaced my jeans several sizes during this 75lb weight loss because I just can't stand wearing my pants too large I'm still getting away with the sweaters and denim shirts for the store, trade shows and few places I go in town. But this weekend I'm going to the 'theater' with my friend and I'm out of 'nice' blouses. Even a colorful scarf and a lot of bling accessories won't dress up the 'longshoreman' look I perpetually sport and that's all that I have left; I'd given everything else away because I want to change my style once I settle on a size.

So, I had to endure the 'store' yesterday to buy a 'blouse' suitable for the 'theater'. Fortunately here in the south, or at least, in my region and circles, jeans are acceptable everywhere. Even church and weddings.

My only dilemma with the jeans Saturday will be to choose between the 'really nice looking and better fitting Tommy Hilfigers that require me to hold my stomach in and restrict fluids because they are a little too snug in the waist' and the 'classically faded Lee's that are a little baggy in the butt & thighs but at least won't have me screeching at the actor's to move along if the monologue lags'. As I'm old and tired of pain, I'll likely choose the Lee's. Life's too short.

But shopping for a blouse? Ugh. That's what reminded me how ironic I am that while I want Spring in my backyard I don't want it on MY back. I'm not a pink, yellow, pastel, floral print, girly gal when it comes to clothes. Even in corporate america I could get away with the black suits and white blouses. Yet unless I relocate to Alaska for the summer the longshoreman look has to go.

I'd like to be on that show 'What not to Wear'. Is that even on anymore? Ok, maybe not on TV but I'd really LOVE to, once I reach a size and STAY there for a year, to have a professional dress me. I want a nice classic look. What's the phrase - timeless classic? That's me inside - at least, the image I want to hold of myself. But after 40+ years of dressing, I've never achieved it on the outside. Turn me loose in designer clothes and I end up one hot ugly mess. Or I revert back to 'black & white'. Grey if I'm feeling ambivalent.

BUT in effort to find something wearable, passable and cheap for this Saturday because I'm not into investing any more money into a wardrobe than necessary right now (hence buying my jeans at the thrift store) I finally settled on a winter vest with a blue/black print and a pink (borderline watermelon) colored turtleneck sweater. I call it Longshoreman Light.

This is the situation that leads me to wanting 'a professional' to dress me - the salesgal yesterday kept trying to push 'neons' on me - green and purple neon things. I know, just as I opened my mind to accepting 'good fat' in foods, I should open my mind to new things in clothing. Baby steps. But the 'not on your life gal' had me wondering if the salesgal had my best interests at heart or just wanted me to finally pick something and go away.

I know my journals get long and I always appreciate anyone who reads them but if you wonder why they get long it's because here is where I see my thoughts in print and it helps me put things in perspective.

I actually DO like some summer clothes. I love capris and cute sandels. I like khaki and soft olive greens. And there are a lot of summer clothes in nice lightweight black & white. So, yeah, I'll be fine. Bring it on. Just get that neon green away from me. I'm not ready for that yet.

However, if there is anything that is definitely a 'one size truly does fit all', that's perfume. Or, as the label reads, Parfum. As I was on the way out of the store with my vest & sweater I remembered I'd been out of perfume for a while but slipped into 'handbags' first to see if the salesgal from the last perfume purchase was still on duty. I'd misbehaved a bit that time and didn't want to have to deal with her again.

I know that sounds paranoid but in my small town, we see the same folks over and over. Luckily she wasn't there so let me add another few chapters onto this journal saga and tell you about it.

Because of MH's respiratory issues there are only a few scents I can wear and still kiss him (most colognes make him cough.) For the past few years it's been Chanel No5 - I know, Old Lady scent but with my weird chemistry it worked. However, I never noticed our Belks carried it until last summer - before that I always went to TheBigCity to buy it or ordered it online.

So I don't remember why I had to go to the Belks that day but I wasn't dressed like all the other Sunday shoppers. This was in July and MH had just come home from another stay in the hospital for two weeks, I was rushing to run an errand before his next IV treatment was due so I looked a little too casual I guess for the Snooty Saleslady. As I was on my way, probably into linens, I saw the Chanel I stopped and looked for No5.

The only thing they had was ONE small purse atomizer. The SS took one look at me, plunked it on the counter and said 'this is all we have but it's $105...' the only thing missing from her tone and full length body glance was an insult about my appearance and her preconceived deduction of my ability to buy.

Fortunately for ME, I was raised with the 'don't judge a book by the cover' and met Sam Walton while in my early 20's. He walked into my office in his overalls and boots and plopped them up on my desk. He was so impressed by my 'not judging' him that he sent me a huge gift certificate for a wedding present when I married. It's served as a reminder to treat every single person like a like a millionare regardless of their appearance.

The SS never met Sam, I guess. When I looked down at the case and hesitated, she assumed I was balking at the cost. *I* was actually thinking 'hmmm... only ONE bottle... did the entire town buy the rest this past week or has this one bottle been here since the Nixon administration?'

But she took it on herself, unsolicted, to explain to the poor little country bumpkin the difference in parfum vs cologne vs toilette in effort to justify the expense of parfum. Had I asked 'why so friggin high?' that little lecture would have been justified. But as I didn't, I was offended. After all - *I* was the one who said 'great, I didn't know you carried this - I won't have to drive out of town to buy it anymore.' THAT should have been her indicator, if she was listening, that I KNEW what I was doing.

But not only did she NOT listen, she didn't read my reaction very well either as she continued to push. So when she wrapped up her tutorial she leaned in and whispered, to drive her point home, 'you use less of it because you only spray it where you want to be kissed.'

Oh really?

So I leaned in close and said 'well then, we're gonna need a bigger bottle of it if I'm gonna spray it on my A$$.'

So the next time I was in THEBIGCITY I tried the Coco instead of No5 and I liked it better and MH tolerated it fine so I needed more. Thankfully the SS wasn't there yesterday so I picked up another Coco Parfum.

I tell ya - there are so many people working in sales that have no business working in sales. I had to teach my advertising saleman a lesson this week. A $10 error that he wouldn't handle just cost him about $1000 in commission when I cancelled about six months of specialty ads. But I gave him three months to fix it and he wouldn't show the initiative. No work ethic. I'll just up the ads in his competition and they aren't owned by the same person.

And absolutely none of this has anything to do with weight, scales or food. I suppose this disclaimer should have been posted at the beginning of my journal entry but hey, it kept you reading.

Bella :-)

Diet Calendar Entries for 06 February 2013:
1499 kcal Fat: 80.04g | Prot: 104.40g | Carb: 111.10g.   Breakfast: Coconut Oil, Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Coffee, Schwans Blueberry, Flax Seed, Vanilla Greek. Lunch: Spinach, Fat Free Balsamic , Celery, Hummus, Alaskan Salmon. Dinner: 100 Cal Tortilla, Hormel Black Label, Egg White, Egg, Kraft 2% Swiss. Snacks/Other: Kale Chips, olive oil, parm cheese, dark chocolate almond spread. more...
2160 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...


Neons? Really? I have no desire to look as though I work for the DOT and should be holding a sign or operating heavy machinery (or mistaken for a piece of heavy machinery!!) When will "fashion" learn that the only thing that look good in neon are signs? I can loan you my 14 year old daughter - she is never afraid to say, "Mom, that shirt is just too big. Get rid of it. Now." Your solution for the theatre sounds fantastic. This weight loss has cost me a ton of $ trying to keep a reasonable looking set of pants on my keister. Wow. Now that I think about, it cost me the same to go up in weight. Dang. If only I had held onto my neon clothes from the 80's.....  
06 Feb 13 by member: RiverRes
LOL Paula - I do feel for the folks here losing & having to go out in public ... it costs me some serious coin in my 40's when I lost and still had to meet with grownups and dresscodes daily. That's why I'm determined to keep it cheap and minimal this time. And I did try to pick up a blouse at the thrift store but they all had HUGE PADDED SHOULDERS which means no one has gotten rid of anything since Molly Ringwald was on the big screen :-) 
06 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
LOL that you had the guts to say to the saleslady what the rest of us were only thinking ;) I would have loved to have seen the look on her face! I hate when the fashion industry runs out of ideas and decides that the next "in" thing is some gawdawful print or color that looks good on no one, yet the stores are jam-packed with nothing but said atrocity and I end up not buying anything new for an entire season! Longshoreman Light sounds better than neon anything.  
06 Feb 13 by member: evelyn64
I'm thinking neon is the current "fad"...a bit like leisure suits and said shoulder pads, so you are perfectly correct in not getting sucked into THAT scene. I cringe when I see bellbottom pants coming back into style... I mean, we were cute in 'em back in the '70's, but that was then, and this is now! God help me, I'm a Levi's and t-shirt kind of gal, and that's just who I am. It KILLS me to have to dress up...You must embrace your longshoreman light self, Bella, and the rest of the world can just kiss it! As for the SS...reminds me of the "Selena" movie. Did you see that? I love the part where the store gets mobbed by her fans after the SS has basically told Selena she can't afford the dress she's been trying on to attend the Grammy Awards. I think your reaction was sheer perfection! Thanks for a really fun journal. Picked me right up! 
06 Feb 13 by member: Baxie
We have some department stores here that have a great personal shopper service, the best ones are where you pay a small fee, it means there is less conflict of commission involved. They have large private changing areas for the personal shopping customers, refreshments available and they fetch and carry stuff. They are also VERY good at their job, they ask loads of questions and deal with your phobias of colour or shape very well, introducing bits here and there and even take digital photos in some of them so you can see what you look like. The most important thing is to be fitted professionally for bra's and support wear. I'm sure you must have somewhere like that, even if it is in the big town 
06 Feb 13 by member: astrid a
LOL Evelyn - yeah, I either have too many guts or too little censor ability because the things that come out of my mouth shock me afterward. It's like reverse binge or something :-) Baxie - I've never been one to get sucked into the 'current fashion fad' but yeah, I remember bell bottoms and platforms. I have not seen the movie Selena but have seen Pretty Woman where she goes 'big mistake, huge...' Astrid - I have phoned the closest Saks & Neimans and they said 'uh, no' so I don't know if our standards are just dropped in this country or decade because a personal shopper without an agenda sounds fabulous. Alas - I may fly all of you in to help me shop for those few times in my life when I need to dress like a grown up. As for neon - no, never. I refuse to wear anything that reflects light, (besides diamonds anyway.) Until then, thanks everyone for the vote of confidence on my 'Longshoreman Light' ~ I'll hold my head up high and walk with confidence. Bella 
06 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
You will look amazing in whatever you wear Bella because the beauty of your kind, generous soul will shine through to the outside. I take one of my daughters with me shopping. They tell me straight up yea or nay. The artist tells me what colors look good on me and it's never neon. :-)  
06 Feb 13 by member: teskandar
Teri - you are so kind, thank you. I was happy to reread this and note you did not include 'sane' anywhere in the compliment because last night I kept thinking 'black, blue AND pink all together.. what WAS I thinking' and had to go look in the closet. The vest is actually black&white print - the lining is blue (it's actually reversable) so I did stay true to my very boring color wheel (black & white). Glad we all agree to pass on the Neon. Yay Fashion Sanity! 
07 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
Bella you and I are a lot alike! My son hates going anywhere with me because he says I go in with an attitude because I already know I am going to go rounds with someone. I work in a doctors office. I have worked customer service for 25 years and I always treat my customers and patients like I would want to be treated. Funny how some people treat you different because of your weight, dress wear, or how your hair may be fixed. I love the thrift store and buy many things there for my kids. I don't shop for me. Anyway I was looking for some jeans for my daughter who is 100 pounds lighter than I am, and a dales woman came up and let me know they didn't have my size in that section. WOW! I let her have it with the nicest smile! "Well that's good because I don't think my size would look good on my 15 year old daughter." She looked at me and I asked her to walk away before I gave her a real piece of my mind! Fashion is what you make of it. When you are comfortable in your own skin, you will start to look for other colors. Just stay away from neon. I think that was a color made up by people who wanted to see how many customers they could get to wear it :)  
07 Feb 13 by member: tina10915
Of course Chanel is what DH can tolerate. There is nothing more pure. I was in the duty-free perfume shop on a cruise ship, the clerk told me that since I already owned lots of Chanel, I wouldn't find anything better. My signature fragrance is Chanel Chance Eau Fraiche. LOVE IT. Perfume makes me feel all girly without hurting my feet (with heels, which also make me feel girly).  
07 Feb 13 by member: Djburney
Good for you Tina - I can just imagine you saying, very low & slow 'walk away and no one will get hurt'.. love it. I've never been comfortable in my own skin and I've been size 2 & 4 many time - then again, I was thinking about this the next day as well and I really FEEL that it's because the 'pureness' of black and white makes me comfortable and black makes me feel strong - or then again, like Paula said the other day - maybe I am just a wannebethug at heart :-) DB - I think that's exactly it for the Chanel - the pureness. I didn't know it but I knew there had to be 'some' thing subconsciously that made it 'fit'. 'Heels' make me feel girly too but I grew up on what I call 'pageant pumps' instead of the current fashion of what I call 'hooker pumps' - I know they are the fashion but not for me. I do love a good high heel boot and / or sandel but these days, yeah, it better be comfortable. I'm saddened a little that the two pair of great leather boots I bought in Nov are now slipping as my feet are smaller (or less swollen / bloated) - I'll just wear thicker socks and tough it out the rest of this winter. Thanks again, Bella 
08 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella


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